I miss my happy place, the Great White Way, live theater on Broadway, and I've missed it for quite some time.
And it's not just due to the pandemic which has closed theaters for eighteen months.
Give me a second and I'll explain.
When I was in my 20's, I'd be the volunteer who'd stand on line at the half-price tickets kiosk for hours while everyone shopped and explored the city: while everyone listened to classic rock music in the 70's and 80's, I'd be listening to "A Chorus Line" while vacuuming my apartment.
My Mom introduced me to musicals--it's something we bonded over for years.
At a very young age, probably eleven..(it was exactly at eleven--at summer camp) that I discovered I had a knack for writing parodies to popular show tunes. I knew almost every song in anything by Sondheim or Rodgers and Hammerstein, but sadly, I never had a voice..or the ability to play an instrument. I'd sing along, and people would cover their ears, but I didn't care.
(I'd boast that the song "Sing!" from "A Chorus Line" was written for me..except I can't dance either)
The tone of my voice is admittedly awful(thanks, asthma flare ups!) but I'm not exactly tone deaf. I know what the melody is SUPPOSED to sound like, I just can't replicate it myself.
Once I started writing parodies, I never stopped...People called on me to write something special for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
It was never a challenge for me..rhyming came easily, but I never thought there'd be someone who'd actually pay me to pen rhymes.
Then, in 1982, my friend Andi sent a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary gift to her parents in the form of a singing telegram, suggesting that this would be something "you'd be very good at" as she fondly recalled all those parodies I wrote when we were camp counselors together.
I sat down on an old fashioned typewriter and hunt-and-pecked my way, writing customized singable cover letters. They were written to show tunes that everyone knew, and I got some hits, even 'though no company was looking for writers.
I recall one hit in particular--schlepping on three different buses on the hottest day in July to go to a small singing telegram company that operated out of the back of a paint store somewhere in South Jersey. The fumes sickened me, as did my perspiration-drenched business suit, as did the grueling bus ride, but I finally got some bites from legit companies and realized that Broadway was deep in my heart and soul, even when I knew I'd actually never get there.
Three-thousand-plus singing telegrams later, I realize that people still call on me for those special occasions..I can work with multi-syllabic names and deadly dull facts and somehow manage to turn it into something sing-able.
A customer actually called once, wanting to honor her eighty year old mother with "something special" and when the old Journalism major in me got out the pad and pen and asked for a description of the recipient, all I got was "well..she's a nice person and she really loves her family."
That's probably a given..but I'm up for any challenge, and yep, I turned "she's nice" into three solid pages of personalized lyrics.
I have no idea how I did it, I just did it.
I once wrote a song for a doctor where I had to rhyme something with " hating anti-biotics" and my loving husband gave me the compliment of a lifetime by saying, "if anyone can write a parody about that, it's you."
Enough of this ego-trip..I am not even close to being like my idol, Randy Rainbow, even with our mutual hatred of all things Trump.
Even 'though Randi is my middle name.
Oh..I am so off track..I have to explain why Broadway used to be my favorite place and no longer is, as I suggested in my opening paragraph.
Well..basically..I can't hear. Or see. Or get comfy in those seats. Or see the stage when I'm seated behind Abe Lincoln., which I always am.
My mind wanders, and when the final curtains rise and everyone else is giddy or sobbing or waving around their Playbill magazines, I wonder if I missed something.
Which..of course I HAD, because I couldn't hear..or see..or settle in the cramped seat.
The last musical I totally, truly enjoyed from the overture to the final curtain was "Beautiful", which we saw on Mother's Day, on 5/10/15. I remember having front row seats, where I could see..and more importantly..hear everything, but I already knew all the Carole King songs, so the struggle was minimal.
That was a great musical for another reason: During intermission, I found out I became the Great Aunt to the amazing Shoshana!
To get back on track...AGAIN.. Broadway was just something I lost interest in..it was getting too stressful to strain my eyes or struggle to hear lyrics that were sung, especially by an ensemble.
Broadway was just one of the comforts and pleasures I gave up in recent years, along with bubble baths(too confining after Bath Fitters put up sliding glass doors) Diet Coke(it goes down like I imagine paint thinner would) on line Scrabble(the site I played on changed formats and the new one is awful) and monthly hair care and waxings, which..yeah, THOSE I can blame on the pandemic.
So imagine my surprise..and sheer delight..and yes, I'm FINALLY making my point..when several people recommended I can get Broadway in my living room, with my feet up in a recliner chair, where I could see and hear everything..sometimes even with subtitles.
So many friends described the magical experience of this wonderful show, which Jim and I just watched on Apple TV.
"Come From Away" is a magnificent--and not just because I could hear and see everything. The acting was superb--we laughed, we cried, we recalled all those harrowing moments of all the 9/11.
coverage.
The songs weren't the kind of songs that are conducive to parody--neither of us were humming the tunes at the productions' conclusion.
But we were clapping..and cheering..and sobbing.
I'm not quite ready to don a mask for a two hour live production, but I'm delighted that Broadway is back.
And if I can't go to Broadway, I am beyond thrilled that Broadway can come to me.
Gotta get off track again to talk about how much I LOVED "Schmigadoon!" and okay, okay, I'm all talked out.
For once in my life.
Maybe I'll try to write a parody about this very post???
Nah....
