Goodbye superstore (:

Goodbye, "Superstore."

Thanks for making Thursday nights so special.

 (a very  sincere thanks)

Thanks, Emmy voters, for ignoring this wonderful show for so many years. 

 ( a very insincere thanks)

I'll never forget that time we were in the uber n LA, and I screamed to Jim, "OMG..look!  "Cloud Nine" is a real store here!" to which our driver pointed out, "no..that's the actual set..that's where they film the show" and I screamed even more.

Thanks for making me stare endlessly at the screen without any distractions, for fear of missing an incredibly  clever site gag.

Thanks for making me glad I never worked at Walmart.

Thanks for witty, brilliant writing.

"The Office" for the blue collar world. 

 The real world.

Thanks for such a diverse cast..for making Garrett's wheelchair mainstream, for making  Mateo's immigrant status something to care about, for Justine's body to be so acceptable that her weight is never  even mentioned, and  for Dina for being so..freaking ..hilarious! One of the funniest, most underrated actresses in the business.  Kudos, Lauren Ash!

May your birds return in time to get you an Emmy nomination.

I will miss Myrtle's daffiness, even 'though the character was fired and the actress that played her is deceased.

I'll miss you Glenn, you sanctimonious little twerp.

And Jonah, you hot sexy agnostic Jew..where were you when I was in my 20's?

  And why are you fictional?

Cheyenne!!

  You make crazy so sexy! 

 And your love for Mateo, especially when ICE came, made me weep, that's how palpable it is.

And for the life of me, I can not understand why an actress as gorgeous as America Ferrera was ever cast as "Ugly" anything, although she brought something to "Ugly Betty"..that same certain something she brought to Cloud Nine's  quirky, complex,  lovable manager.

The ensemble was strong enough to withstand America's departure for most of the final season(they withstood tornadoes in Missouri!) but as a Superfan of "Superstore" I was happy to see the return or this beloved character.

And all her name tags.

I'll miss you most of all, Amy/Betty/Clarice/Donatella/Elsa/Freida/Gabrielle/Hosea/Inez/Juanita/KAREN/Lupa/Margaret/Nicolette/Olivia/Paulina/Quinn/Rosita/Sasha/Teresa/Ursula/Veronica/Willa/Xaviera/Yolanda/Zendaya!

(Google "why does Amy's name tag change weekly?")

Also, WATCH this MARVELOUS show wherever it streams.

And speaking of streams...

Clean-up on aisle three!

Zendayaed

Because most of you aren't up for singing another one of my  parodies about vaccines, and even more of you don't want to read about my travels down memory lane in search of  the ultimate compliment, I will write about what I usually write about on Saturday nights:  The movies I did not see in an actual theater.

The movies I nonetheless needed to see in order to  to be caught up in time for Monday's Oscar nominations.

(And I will be, save for Anthony Hopkins as "The Father")

I liked this afternoon's pick a lot more than Jim did.

It was a two person cast, which Jim would have been fine with had it been a live production at a community theater, and it was shot entirely in black and white, which he would have been OK with if the year was 1927.

I happen to love relationship movies, even when they're all talk and no action, which "Malcolm and Marie" pretty much was.

I love talky flicks, where the couples are dysfunctional and passionate, like in  the "Before" trilogy.  They're usually super smart and bed bug crazy, major draws for me.

"Malcolm and Marie" was part "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" and part "My Dinner With Andre", if dinner was a bowl of mac and cheese served at 1:30 AM, which Zendaya cooked, and which John David Washington chowed down like a starved coyote.

There was jazzy music, and stark cinematography, and scenes so intimate they might as well have placed a camera in the bathroom, which they did.

Just because I'm not in a volatile, crazy hot, insane marriage /relationship doesn't mean I don't like spying on characters who are.

But if you're a fan of films, and film making, and the writing process, and profanity, and chemistry, I'm betting you'll like this.

You were never sure whether the couple was about to make whoopie or about to make headlines, and I liked that.

I liked that I was preoccupied with the small stuff, like, "isn't  Zendaya's bathwater cold by now?  She's been in there for like three scenes" and, "why isn't she changing out of that formal gown?  I couldn't wear something that tight for the duration of the event, a movie premiere, yet alone for hours after.  Nobody needs to make boxed Mac and Cheese while wearing Prada."

Jim picked tonight's movie--a western with Tom Hanks called "News of the World."

He liked it, for the most part.

I'd call it..a western.

And if you know anything about me, that's all you need to know about my take on the movie.

Good night you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.

Spring ahead!

The ego has landed

I woke up today with a swollen arm and a swollen ego.

That's an exaggeration.

Not swollen--sore--SORE arm  from the Pfizer shot yesterday. 

 (Swollen might require a trip to the ER)

The swollen ego?? 

That's  another story.

You know how much I despise blags, those braggy blogs that are filled with self-serving, nauseating boast fests that assault the senses of  those of us who are stupid enough to follow them on a daily basis?

But due to insomnia, I decided to embrace my swollen ego and pen a blag.

(I'll star by saying how proud I am of my portmanteau, "blag" )

 Counting compliments is more effective than counting sheep, I've discovered,  so I decided, without sounding too egotistical, to make a list of the ten biggest compliments of my life. 

Everyone should try this. 

 Even if you're not in a pandemic funk or feeling blue for other reasons, lift your spirits, pat your ego, and try to think of the ten biggest compliments in your life.

Here are mine, in no particular order:

1) From my Aunt Ruby, after seeing a watercolor I painted of Carol Burnett as the Charwoman on display at the Civic Center in Philadelphia when I was in seventh grade:  "Geez..that kid has talent.  It's unbelievable how much talent that kid has!"

(Full disclosure:  She probably wasn't talking about me.  There were a  lot of us that took Saturday morning art classes)

2) From a stranger, in 2003, when I was entertaining Evan and his friend Jimmy at the" Egg and I" diner in Ogunquit, Maine. I was just doing my normal thing--creating various games on place mats to pass the time while waiting for pancakes, when this stranger said, "you must be a teacher.   What a way to entertain kids.  All I do is argue with my husband!"

(many of Evan's friends think of me as the fun Mom who can bring a party back to life..See the next item)

3) From my cousin's son, Matthew, who once said:  "It's not just about the games..Karen brings so much fun to the Poconos!  She makes everything fun!"

4)From my friend Andi, who worked at a summer camp and was ineligible for a  Color Wars presentation  because the songs and cheers I helped her write sounded "too professional."

(C'mon..I'm no Randy Rainbow..but this blog is all about taking compliments, so I'll take them)

5)From high school classmates, who'd see me in the hallways and point and say, "there goes Edith Bunker!" (I was sixteen and  wrote an unsolicited script  for "All in the Family" called "Archie's Diet" that was recognized by Norman Lear Productions.  It wasn't purchased, of course, but it was praised, and staged as a HS production, and while I still had vocal chords, I did a pretty mean imitation of Edith)

I  had the  voice, mannerisms, and  her frumpy wardrobe too.

  (Aka, my regular school clothes)

6)From my frenemy Beth:  "We might as well start listening to Karen when she talks.  She's usually right about things"

7)From Jim's work colleague who attended one of our seders:  "Wow..Karen wrote her own Haggadah and turned it into a "Wizard of Oz" parody?  And she makes brisket that's restaurant quality like this?    You're a lucky man, Jim..now if she'd only lose a few pounds"

(OK..he didn't say that last part)

But this next item IS a true story:

8) From my college BFF, Jim, who reacted THIS way to this story.

 I told him about a guy, a guy who was a platonic friend, who one day poured on compliments like hungry diners do  on pancakes in Maine diners, who told me he found me to be fun and funny and cute and talented and smart and actually said, "if you'd lose a few pounds I'd actually consider asking you out" to which my brilliant gay friend replied, "that's like saying I'd ask you out if you got rid of those fuzzy green slippers in your closet--that rancid stick of butter in the fridge"

There was no Lizzo in those days, women like me needed snarky gay men to convince us that self-worth comes in any size.

9) From my BFF Rochelle's aunt and uncle, who were having dinner in our apartment one night, and when I came in, they both remarked how much I looked like "Jane Fonda, from her "Klute" days"

(Appearance compliments : the rarest diamond of them all)

10) From my brother Steven, who, after consoling him about the loss of his poodle, practically wept and told me how grateful he is to have me as a loving, supportive sister.

There you have it.

Ego sufficiently stroked.

Next, I'll try to list the ten biggest insults of my life.

Now you know there's no way I'll be able to limit it to only  ten examples.

I could come up with ten examples from last week alone.

One! Simple vaccination!

Remember that time??  Not too long ago??

We all got vaccines??  To stop polio?

A small paper cup and some pink sugar cubes..

(much better to deal with than needles and tubes)

And who else remembers that whole small pox thing?

A shot in the arm:  Some were warned, "this may sting"

But oh no..not for ME!..not THIS young girl from Philly

Whose Mom barked:  "No arms!! Her blouses are FRILLY!

No daughter of MINE'S gonna have that "red ring"

..it's just not attractive..she'll be part-y-ing!

Give her the shot..find a good place to hide..

Maybe her thigh??  Or somewhere inside??"

I was..maybe five..and in no mood to quarrel..

But oh, how amiss was my missed mother, Laurel!

I HATE "frilly blouses".. and let's tally guesses"

Yep!  You're ALL right..I loathe frilly dresses!

I won't cover up any blemish or scar..

I'm just not that girly--more "come as you are'

I won't hide my flab and I won't hide my fat

I am who I am..what's the matter with that??

I know that my poem is getting too long..

so now I'll break out, in a new Broadway song!

(with apologies to Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban)

ONE!!  Simple vaccination!

Hopefully..no side effects!

None! There's no weird sensations...

I don't crave..kinky sex!

No matter..soon I'll recover!

Dis'cov'rin' THIS

one shot..and look  what I got..

It's eternal..bliss!!

ONE!!  Quick inoculation!

In my fleshy upper arm!

Skeptics??

It will do NO harm!

so why..

not..?

Oh..my!!

Get a quick injection!

Don't..die!  Get yourself protection!

While..they're..hot!!

*****

ONE!!  Simple vaccination!

Next one's scheduled in three weeks..

ONE!  Ting-ly sensation..

given to me by geeks!

One shot of wonderful, curative medicine!

It wasn't too far by car..(went to Edison!)

ONE!!  Painless shot of Pfizer..

just a pinch...a tiny burn!

Normal life can soon return!

and I'm..

not..

feelin'!

Angry, cross, or grouchy!

Thanks to..brilliant Dr. Fauci!

Almost..done!!

(cue the kick line)

What does Glenn Close have to boil to win an award?

Had an  exhausting day yesterday.  

Worrying about finishing a family project before the deadline, worrying about where to order dinner, worrying about worrying

I do it way too much.

Both worrying and ordering out on weekends.

I worry about health issues after being exposed to all those plastic cartons and disposable  eating utensils..mostly that I'm going to explode if I keep eating take out crap..

Watched the Critic's Choice Awards presentation and could only ask one simple question:

WTF does Glenn Close have to boil to win  some awards season love?

Yes, "Hillbilly Elegy" wasn't exactly a Critics' Darling, but lots of aging actors get that token nod in the supporting category,  in a stupid movie, especially after multiple nominations without a win.

("though I personally liked the movie and her performance)

I guess we'll see what happens at the SAG awards in April, but I'll say one thing about this year's Oscar telecast:

(Well, I'll actually say many things)

There will be no Red Carpet.

There will be nobody dressed in anything but loose string pajamas below the waist.

There will be no big production numbers, no Trump mentioned in the monologue, and most likely, no host.

But this is the first year in a long time when it's not known months in advance who will bring home that Gold Statuette.

The closest thing we have to a sure thing is Daniel Kaluuya for the deserved Best Actor in a supporting role Oscar for "Judas and the Black Messiah" and Chadwick Boseman for Best Actor in "Ma Rainey's Black Bottom."

I'm hoping Glenn Close will finally get her acknowledgement, but it looks like Borat's daughter may take home the coveted gold--anyone who can convince us she's not scared shitless when Rudy G. takes off the mic hidden in his pants deserves to be compared to Meryl Streep.

Very happy to see Carey Mulligan on the..well..not the STAGE..in her..living room??  Her performance was stuck with me, even weeks after seeing the movie.

Looks like "Nomadland" is going to sweep as well, so..ignore my early statement that you can't predict the winners of this year's Academy Award, because you pretty much can.

Watched another disturbing episode of "Allen V. Farrow" after..and felt like a slapped Faye Dunaway in "Chinatown" with that famous "she's my daughter!/she's my sister!" stuff.

I read Moses Farrow's publication from 2018 and was convinced there's more to Woody than meets the eye: I saw the third installment of the documentary and was convinced that there's not, that Dylan remembers everything exactly as it happened.

It's Mia/It's Woody!/It's Mia/It's Woody!

A little of both, maybe?

A Wia??  A Moody??

I can't believe Soon-Yi is still with him.  I can't believe her name is pronounced the same as the college, CUNY. (Always thought it was a hard "Y")

Somebody knows the truth.

Somebody needs to tell it before they die.

Pandemical

Acid reflux!!  Gulping air!!

Craving  pickles..do I dare?

will it fell this silly goose?

if she drinks some orange juice?

OK..I'll stop!! (I'm so obtuse!)

It's just my way to honor Seuss

today, each post will be a rhyme

because it's Seuss's birthday time!

today, the poet rests in heaven

today, the bard is 107..

should I whip up green eggs and ham?

and show you what a dork I am?

Shall I nix that because I'm fat?

Oh..where's that hat? And where's that cat?

Did someone hear a sound? Did you?

Did you hear Horton hear a Who?

I love to be this Seussical!

I even liked the musical!

Let's see..what else is there to say?

On this..my special rhyming day?

last night, we watched a tale of Billie

that great chanteuse who hails from Philly

it was a grand and moving story

a fallen idol in her glory

Andra Day could hit that sauce!

Out-sing! Out-act!  Diana Ross!

it taught us history to boot

(We won't forget that song, "Strange Fruit")

We then watched this,  on HBO,

The "Woody Allen Deep Shit Show"

ONCE thought: "that attic seems too narrow..

is this revenge from Mia Farrow?"

But that was then and this is now

Now I believe her words, some how

Soon-Yi, she shoulda gotta HINT

And mailed those pics to Larry Flynt!

I like his movies..liked them all

and Jim's OBSESSED with "Annie Hall"

all his Oscars were..deserved??

But this doc paints him as a PERV!!

I spoke of "docs"..I got derailed..

It's SEUSS this day who gets regaled..

wow..NOTHING rhymes with "orange juice"

(at least, the "orange" part..says Seuss)

let's see..what else can I now share?

Still having issues with my hair..

Still have no plans..still eating junk

still knee-deep in a Covid funk

Jim's en route ..his second dose!

and me?? Well..I'M not even close!

I bet you think that Jim got lucky..

(He'd even travel to Kentucky!)

but me?  I'm gonna sit and wait

and eagerly anticipate

that day when I'll be safe and vaxxed

when Fauci gives up hopeful facts

and I can throw my mask away

and plan a fun-filled family day!

or better yet..a WEEK of fun!

(Seems Woodloch's beckoning everyone!)

OK..I'll stop..I'm getting tired..

if later on, I get inspired..

I'll pen another rhyming post..

now time for breakfast..where's the toast??

Just kidding--I wouldn't eat a slice..

'though eating is my only vice..

It's much too early for real food..

I'm just not really in the mood..

for anything that's edible

(I know..that sounds incredible!)

OK!!  I'll stop!  It's too much sharin'..

No wonder I've become THAT Karen!