Saturday, October 17, 2026

Big Brother 2026 is watching

I no longer watch "Big Brother" (because I'm not a masochist) but apparently, "Big Brother" watches me.


The weirdest thing just went down.


Some background:


I started my personal  blog in 2014, after so many Facebook friends encouraged me to do so. 


People liked what I had to say in my neurotic daily posts.  


The constant complaining, catastrophizing, comical kvetching.


(And forced alliteration)


So I officially decided to transfer those posts into an actual blog that could last an eternity.


I wrote a simple intro, and I titled the blog www.kayfivenj.blogspot.com.


(Scrabble is my game, and the "K" tile is worth five points, thus the name that nobody will possibly  ever remember)


Well just now, I needed to research the archives for a project I'm working on, and the link sent me to something that seemed weird and unfamiliar, written in a voice that clearly wasn't the one I've had for seventy years.


(Although that's not true..my voice was higher and girlier in my twenties, which I've only discovered recently when I found the audio of my appearance on "The 10,000 Pyramid" in 1977. So maybe I lost MY "voice" decades ago)


At first, I didn't notice anything, until my eye caught a paragraph that I know I didn't write in 2014, because Michelle was not my daughter-in-law- in 2014, because Evan was a nineteen-year-old who hadn't met her yet.


Jim tried to explain the concept of AI and algorithms to me, but he might as well have been speaking in tongues.


I'm not complaining, by the way. 


 The stuff I "wrote about myself" was beyond flattering...it was like a wonderful eulogy that I could actually hear if I attended my own funeral.


(And I'm not so sure that if I DO live to an age like ninety-two, AI isn't going to make that literally happen--when the deceased can party with revelry on their last day on the planet)


We were both laughing and gasping at the material AI chose to highlight, but it made me sound like some kind of celebrity!


Again..not complaining...


I just don't understand how "IT", the AI bot, decided what to highlight, but IT chose wisely, covering everything from my Woodloch obsession to the painful loss of our poodle last March.


It was all so random, zoning in on vacation highlights, and it  even mentioned  the time autocorrect botched the word "highlights."


I don't think any of you reading this has actually met THAT Karen, but I think I'd actually like this version of her.


Of me..


Maybe I should encourage her to apply to be a contestant on "Big Brother" if her "Wheel of Fortune" dream never materializes.


Except..could I eat slop??


Probably yes..I unknowingly served it to my family many times over the years.

Monday, September 14, 2026

Happy anniver-soiree

​Happy anniver-soiree 


That  is not a typo.


That is an acknowledgment of the happiest day of my life, which occurred exactly one year ago on this date, in the tiny cocktail room of a local Italian restaurant.


It was the second wedding reception,  the second soirĂ©e,if you will,  as the actual ceremony took place earlier that spring, with a small crowd in a not so small  Russian ballroom in Brooklyn. 


Both of those  days occupy some prime real estate in the part of my brain that houses  only immeasurable bliss.


Aaahhhh..


That first day in the spring of 2025, when I  legally gained a daughter-in-law!


Weddings.. marriage..commitment!


It was so nice they did it twice!


That balmy , sunny day in September was filled with fun, family, friends, fashion, fabulous food, and festivities.


My heart  exploded from sheer happiness.


In the year that followed that spectacular autumn day, a day filled with bright  blue skies and crisp air that was perfect for the outdoor ceremony, surrounded by all the savory aromas of Italian herbs and spices and home grown vegetables in the lovely garden , Evan and Michelle have created a beautiful life together, both literally and figuratively.


Keep on laughing together, cooking together, enjoying concerts and vacations together, taking long walks together.. 


January will be here before you know it.. I can’t wait to meet  our first grandchild, the luckiest kid in the universe!

Thursday, September 3, 2026

Gloria.. Gloria..

​For Gloria:


Sung to the tune  of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”


Verse:


I spent the morning sobbing,

and my eyes still show a mist

We’re in mourning.. hearts are  throbbing

What a loss.. this  feminist

Who has given girls this message:

Just stay strong! We must resist!

She helped the greater good 


Chorus:


All your sisters in Astoria 

Weep today for their dear Gloria

Globally, smart gals adore ya’

In EVERY neighborhood 


Verse:


She fought bravely for each  woman’s right

So early on the scene

She showed confidence.. so strong and bright

She birthed “Ms.” magazine 

I have idolized this heroine

since I was seventeen 

Back then.. I understood 


Rest in peace.. we’ll all remember..

All you stood for this November..

I’m so proud to be a member 

Of this great sisterhood

Tuesday, September 1, 2026

It ain’t over.. it’s just beginning

​The only day of the calendar year that’s more depressing than September first is January second,  with that “hey, the party’s over, dude!” vibe,  which forces us to accept the reality of the  dead months that lie ahead, but I’m not going to do that. 


I’m not going to accept that, because it’s really only true in  those brutal winter months.


Autumn is gorgeous, but I still have the end of the summer blues and an unscheduled  pool closing in a few weeks, ( we haven’t even had Labor Day yet)so bear  with me. 


 

Instead of dwelling on the inevitable end of summer, I’m going to reflect on the year so far, the good and the bad, the highlights and the lowlights, ( the latter which autocorrect called “ kielbasa”in a recent blog)   and everything in between, time permitting.


It was a year of losses that stung, but in the long run, may be looked at as positives one day.


Tomorrow marks six months since saying goodbye to our crazy sixteen and a half year old poodle, Luke, and I’ve used the time to reflect and conclude this: 


We didn’t end his life; we ended his suffering. 


Happy memories, even when we see   those torn bed coverings that he gifted us with, replace the tears we no longer shed daily. 


It was the loss of my eyeglasses to unforgiving waves at Belmar beach, glasses that should have been tossed  anyway years earlier after Jim tried to  Superglue their broken frames.


It was the loss of unwanted pounds that people started to notice: the loss of my straight, cowlick-free bangs  that I wish they didn’t notice quite as much. 


It was the year of a  particularly tough loss.. after getting a perfect score on the written and  mock spinning/solving/“quick on the buzzer”test, and after an amazing Zoom call with an associate producer, presenting myself in a dynamic, witty  interview that would have offered me a shot at guest hosting a late night tv show  under any other circumstances, I didn’t get a  booking for “Wheel of Fortune “ ..  a game show which is absolutely within my …wheelhouse. 


I was the hare in this race, but I’ve stopped obsessively checking my email. 


The tortoise won, I didn’t. 


(The tortoise, who couldn’t solve puzzles even  when they’re ninety nine percent complete, but  who wowed the producers with their tale of their homemade potato salad that’s the star attraction at their family reunions.  But I’m not bitter. I’m a hare.)


And I’m pretty sure I was put in the rejection  pile because I stupidly and unknowingly said those forbidden words at the very  end of the  Zoom interview ( “ bucket list”) but  I’ll try out again once I’m  eligible, after a year has passed. 


Sigh.


Only to be defeated once again by that tortoise who is probably named Mitch, who was chosen because “ he started watching the show with his grandmother when he was four, and he wants to give her a shout out  today because she is a long time survivor of restless leg syndrome.”


We were told in an email to show high energy during the Zoom call, to present ourselves as though we’ve” just consumed a jumbo mug of coffee. “


I don’t know about you, but if I drank that much coffee, I wouldn’t present as the  Energizer  Bunny, I’d be a caffeinated maniac that would conduct  the entire interview from a bathroom stall. 


When I was a contestant on “The Ten Thousand Dollar Pyramid “ in my senior year of college, I was chosen  because of my  decent playing skills, not because of a frenetic, hyper caffeinated personality, which is ironic, because one of my  consolation prizes was a Mr. Coffee maker.


But 2026 is a year of great wins too. 


It was the year I started my seventh decade, traveling with friends aboard Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, spending my January  birthday with the tail of a  wild monkey accidentally  in my mouth at an animal sanctuary in Roatan, Honduras.  


( don’t ask, but you Curious Georges have my permission to search the blog archives) 


It was a year of a Valentine’s Day snowy  escapism to continue celebrating my milestone birthday with  Jim and Evan and Michelle at Woodloch.. so different from our usual  extended family summer getaway, but just as magical as an icy, wintry palace. 


April had us on a geriatric river cruise, exploring shrimp boats and the wrinkled faces of our dining companions,  but also intriguing us with our tour of famous movie sets that were filmed in Beaufort, South Carolina.


( the musical score  from “ The Prince of Tides ” was on a constant loop for both of us, even weeks after. ) 


June,  of course, is the most important month of all,  in ANY  given year, as we were once again spending it with both blood and adopted families , making memories at our beloved Woodloch Pines in the verdant  Pocono mountains. 


It was a summer of maddening current events, soul crushing news that we woke up to  every morning, but also  joyful personal escapism , with live regional  theater at our favorite, the  New Jersey  Repertory Company, and a couple of other outstanding shows too, like our afternoon with Groucho Marx one weekend, followed by a spectacular Beatles cover band the next in the same venue. 


It was a year of the delightful sounds of locals Dakota and  Elle, ( especially their terrific show, the musical “Daddy Long Legs” on Mother’s Day weekend ) and seeing a live performance by Sutton Foster,  afterwards admitting we’re both majorly crushing on her. 


Kelli O’Hara shared her stage and they both got standing O’s DURING the performance! 


And I’m talking multiple O’s.


The audience members were orgasmic, especially during  the duo’s salute to Dame Julie Andrews and the  legendary Carol  Burnett  from when they played Carnegie Hall in 1962.


It was the summer of finally meeting my comedy idol, Craig Shoemaker, in Sellersville, Pennsylvania, and seeing his hilarious opening act, Theresa Hummel-Krallinger.


( and this is  after another night of a million laughs,  courtesy of comedienne Julia Scotti,  earlier in the season.) 


Craig randomly showed up on my feed during Oscar season,  and has tapped into my creative, humorous side ever since.


It’s like discovering a twin that got separated at birth, only a much better looking version, but one who nonetheless shares my brain with his deep understanding of  the true definition of pure bliss, which is, obviously , attained  only through vicarious pleasure. 


2026 had us kicking up our heels at two weddings.. our beloved family friend,  Dylan’s, to his beautiful Marianna, in February, and our awesome cousin, David’s, to the wonderful Marissa,  last month in Ohio. 


Yep.. I’m counting my blessings in these waning days of summer.. a summer filled with sun, fun, friends, and family. 


We’re a little gun shy when it comes to booking vacations after the disastrous journey to Ohio( we made Jack Lemmon’s “ George” and Sandy Dennis’s “ Gwen” from Neil Simon’s “The Out-of -Towners “ look like seasoned travelers) but after losing those glasses in early July, I need a gentle  Caribbean beach fix.


Which I’ll get.. in December.. the month between our birthdays, when  we’ll spend a quiet, restful week in the Dominican Republic.


Because we’re going to need it.. especially when I tell you where Jim is taking me for my birthday week  in January, 2027. 


We’ll be going to St. Peter’s Hospital in New Brunswick, about a half hour away. 


To the maternity ward. 


Yep, I’m tearing up as I type this, but that’s when our fabulous daughter in law, Michelle,  will be bringing the latest branch on the family tree into our world.  

  

If you think Joni Mitchell’s “ The Circle Game” made me an emotional wreck before, like when Jim would strum the familiar chords on his guitar around the campfire, you should witness what that song does to me now!


( it actually  does  THIS…it just made me giggle when autocorrect tried to edit it as “Jim singing around the vampire”)


This kid, our first  grandchild , is in for quite the ride!! 


Especially if I’m behind the wheel!

Monday, August 24, 2026

Sutton as in button

​I had my first girl crush on Sutton Foster during  the  initial release of the criminally underrated “ Bunheads”, and by the time she starred in “Younger,” I think we were having some serious discussions about a “thruple.” 


She’s tall and  lanky and while she’s way  above average looking, she’s not exactly Zendaya-level beauty, but she’s as effervescent as Mary Richards with just as much stage presence. 


You simply cannot take your eyes off of this beacon of light as she turns the world on with her smile. 


We were so excited to get tickets last spring to her show  tonight at Count Basie, about a fifteen minute drive for us, where she’d share  the stage with Tony winner Kelli O’Hara ( “The King and I”) but neither of us were prepared for the spectacular event that ended about thirty glorious, show stopping minutes ago. 


From those first few  jazzy notes of tubas, trumpets, and trombones, courtesy of the Count Basie Orchestra, to the  exhilarating appearance of this dynamic duo, I don’t think the audience members ever stayed seated for more than a few moments.


The masses were floating on air.


I’ve witnessed long standing ovations before, sure, but they come at a show’s conclusion, not a half dozen times DURING the live performance!


The audience members were positively orgasmic, and those big O’s seemed never ending. 


Most of their numbers were a loving tribute to their girlhood idols, Dame Julie Andrews and the legendary Carol Burnett,  particularly  for their 1962  appearance at Carnegie Hall. 


I think audience members actually anticipated surprise guest appearances from these idols, that’s how much these Broadway superstars inspired us to  actually feel the presence of these two grand dames of Broadway. 


The witty repartee was worthy of a new category for next year’s Tony awards, and their combined comedic timing should earn them starring roles in the next big hit to stream on Netflix.


Audiences were on fire as they exited the doors, still singing, still dancing, (still tolerating my eavesdropping,) but general consensus is the biggest highlights were their salute to divas from the nineties( which is not in the duo’s usual Rodgers and Hammerstein wheelhouse) or the sing-along at the show’s conclusion to “ Til There Was You” a hit from Broadway’s “ The Music Man” that was revitalized by the Beatles a few years later. 


And who could resist Kelli O’Hara showing off her dancing chops, waltzing to “ Shall We Dance?” with partner Sutton ,a salute to arguably the most memorable scene from the movie of the same name which won Yul Brynner his Oscar. 


Our personal favorites, aside from what we gathered by listening to the audience chatter at the show’s conclusion, had to be Kelli’s magnificent solo, “ If I Loved You” from  “ Carousel “ 


( you could hear hearts beating in every row of the packed house) 


Or perhaps Sutton’s mesmerizing choreography  in her Tony winning performance as Reno Sweeney from “ Anything Goes.” 


She tap danced her way into everybody’s hearts tonight, that’s a guarantee.


There wasn’t a dry eye anywhere in sight with that  finale that paid the deepest homage  to one half of their idolized duo. 


They tugged at our hearts and tugged at their earlobes.


Because we, too, were “ so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh or sing a song.. seems we just get started and  before you know it.. comes the time we have to say.. so long.”

Thursday, August 20, 2026

For Rosie

​The network wouldn’t okay it

So I’m just gonna say it

‘Cause I am not a pro

( doo doo doo doo doo)

I am not a well-known star

And so that a-hole Brendan Carr

Cannot come after me, you know


See Rosie’s been  on fire

She’s awesome.. she’ll inspire

Each parody.. like mine 

( doo doo doo doo doo doo doo!)

Her “Velveeto Corleone!”

It kinda set the wicked tone 

Some say she even crossed a line..??


Poor Ro!

She steals the show!

And Trump is steaming mad..

Seems he’s powerless.. he can’t retaliate

The ketchup’s thrown.. 

(I think it’s great!)


Because I’m a…no-body

He can’t go all John Gotti

And wipe out ABC

( doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

Rosie, let me do this for ya’

For  the fans who all adore ya’

Cheeto won’t go after me!

…………………………..,……………..


It really is a pity

Your lyrics were so witty 

So clever, smart and sharp 

( doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

You outsmarted that sick boob

(‘Cause fans can find ‘em on YouTube )

With some tech help from Nat’a’lie Harp!


You’re showing great restraint, Ro

You’re actually a saint, Ro

Your boy has lost his sh*t

( doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

Some might call him antisocial 

Where’s those sick rants on Truth Social??

It’s true Rosie.. you’re a hit!!


I wish..

They’d let you sing

That parody you penned 

They might stop you Ro

But they can’t censor me..

‘Cause in a sec.. I’m hitting “ send!”


I love this total screwing

Keep doing what you’re doing

Yeah.. Jimmy must be proud 

( doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

So’s  friend Jackie and friend Jeannie

See.. that Mango Mussolini 

Cannot stop me.. I’m ALLOWED!!

Sunday, August 9, 2026

Wedding superb!

​Goodbye, Columbus, this time for reals.


We have a two hour wait in this lovely air conditioned lobby for our Uber, which is plenty of time for me to conjure up the very worst of worst case scenarios. 


But I’d rather talk about the wedding, which is one of the most fun ones I’ve ever attended.


After things like weddings and vacations, Jim and  I play a game called “highlights and lowlights” ( autocorrect just made that last word “kielbasa “ as though I’d list the three most important Polish sausages I’ve experienced lately!!) but it will be next to impossible to pick just three highlights of this amazing trip.


Or three kielbasas.


The three lowlights will be easy: the bullet holes in the elevator of the hotel near LaGuardia. The moth eaten curtains. The sickening grease smell from Dunkin’ Donuts. The scary dogs. The gun shot sounds.. oh screw this. 


No way I can limit that to three lowlights.


The wedding is another story, but this time I’m giving myself permission to exceed the three highlight limit.


My game, my rules. 


I’m  always so emotional at beautiful wedding ceremonies, even if I don’t know the couple very well.


But as someone who loves David and Marissa, I caused major  flood damage.


When a processional begins with the beautiful sounds of Pachelbel, I usually lose it anyway, and then I think of how that haunting  music was used in “ Ordinary People” and by then  I’m crying so hard that I’m praying there  are paramedics in the pews. 


The speeches were moving, the rabbi was dynamic, and I learned many new things about my cousin David and his gorgeous bride, Marissa, that I hadn’t known before, resulting in something I’m calling happiness overload, joy that is so intense it should be illegal in most states.


The deejay was superb!


He worked the crowd into a frenzy, but not at a deafening decibel. 


(I’m sure there were crabby old people that still thought he was too loud and yes, OF COURSE I am was one  of them. )


Don’t judge audio insufficiencies. 


I can’t even understand a single word my husband says, but trust me, this deejay was terrific.


So I hear. 


I loved the long chats I had with cousins, the ones  I rarely see, reminiscing about childhood memories, laughing, panicking about genetics.. but mostly realizing how wonderful family gatherings  are, and how we all have to promise  not to wait for  a funeral to recreate this  magic.


My luck,  that funeral will be mine, and you know how I hate coming down with a major case of FOMO, which is why I’m winning that lotto and forcing everyone  at gun point  to come to Woodloch for a huge celebration/reunion. 


But then I’m going to bitch about how I’m too ADD to follow bland small talk  from unknown relatives about their cars or jobs or new shelves they installed in their dens.


An enigma am I, I am. 


The dessert buffet came mostly from the baking talents of the couples’ mothers, and they looked as delicious as they tasted. 


We were  all sugar maniacs.. like kids in a candy store, and then we all became kids in a toy store when we checked out the “imagination station.” ( a name I made up) 


Lots of weddings have photo booths with novelty props for those special ops, but David  and Marissa set up a virtual summer camp!


There were board games ( but nobody was bored!) and sketch pads and crafts and a scrapbook for your goofy photos in your Randy Rainbow glasses, plus a personal message.


The adjacent table showed a display of wedding photos from the brides’ and grooms’ families, and new tears were shed as I saw one of my  maternal grandparents, the grandparents I share with the father of the groom.


As much fun as I was having personally , ( I called it “Club Med without a beach” to Jim) the greatest joy was felt vicariously. 


Evan and Michelle dominated  that dance floor.. and filled my heart (and tear ducts) with every exciting move they’d make. 


This was a weekend I’ll never forget… but all good things must come to an end..


Thanks to all of you who still follow my posts/blogs..


I know they’re self indulgent, but is there anything really wrong  with that??


Don’t answer that.. but keep on reading!!