There’s something fishy here..

​Friday

It’s the “Perfect Day at CocoCay”

The weather sucks but that’s okay.

Gonna enjoy ourselves anyway.

‘Cause it’s the penultimate vacay day.

My favorite actress is Jennifer Grey.

(She’s not.. I’m just  diggin’ dumb word play.)

Enough of this nonsense.. going to rise and shine, dip my toes in the forty two  degree ocean, and just chill ‘cause that’s what big girls do.

Last time we went to RC’s private island, I was suffering from an upper respiratory bug that made enjoyment of my beautiful surroundings a challenge, this time, Mother Nature decided to be a Mother F*cker, but we’re heading out anyway.

I’ll let you know if anything blog worthy happens.

And we’re here. 

And it did.

And it’s great! 

The weather app says it feels like seventy six degrees and the app’s no crap.. a burger’s on tap.. saw a guy in a cap.. and an over-tanned JAP.. a pelican wing  flap.. I’ll be done in a snap.. there’s a book on my lap.. this is a trap!!. adjusting my strap.. my teeth have a gap.. Jim’s due for a nap…Will Smith likes to slap…I get lost… with a map.

Oh, eff this!

Sia is blasting “Titanium” by the pool.. we’re all adults here, so instead of relaxing and enjoying myself like a grownup, I’m  Dr. Seuss on blood pressure meds???!!

Sia later…!

And later is now.

Despite the chill in the air, the water temperature is a pleasant seventy six degrees.. and we had to venture into this gentle cove to see what was driving the pelicans into a frenzy.

It took about five seconds when I felt Jim give me a firm but gentle butt slap until I realized that A) Jim has NEVER slapped my butt in the almost thirty nine and a half years  I’ve known him and 😎 Jim wasn’t in the water yet. 

He was getting his camera so we’d have photographic proof, in case a pelican felt a need for a personal attack on us  while scoring some lunch. 

We were absolutely surrounded by a yet-to-be-identified group of butt slapping, knee nipping, crotch exploring Friends with Scales.

They were beautiful too.. lean, translucent, silvery, with bright blue trim.. something you’d order to decorate for Hanukkah perhaps.

I’m pretty sure one wound  up in my bathing suit bottoms. 

And I’m perfectly fine with that. 

Suzette is a germaphobe who is lucky she sat this one out.

 She uses hand sanitizer after every bar game, because who knows where those miniature golf course pencils have been before?  

I don’t think she would have liked being assaulted by the silver fish.. or the monkeys in Honduras.. or the dolphins in Cozumel who randomly kissed everyone, spreading mononucleosis.

Guess what they’re playing poolside as we’re lounging in the sand??

Can you say “Friday Night and the Lights Are Low”

Update:

How sad!!   

I was just doing my pool exercises for a good forty five minutes when I said to Jim, “ well.. at least we haven’t dealt with with a  major celebrity death on this trip” only to come out to dry off and  learn the news of the terrible loss of Catherine O’Hara. I will certainly miss her..

We had a very pleasant farewell dinner with Suzette and Allan.. we’ll miss them.

They were stimulating and wonderful dinner companions all week.. they even bought us word puzzles from an event we missed  to solve tonight.

Next week it’s back to reality..and cheating at “Jeopardy!  with Alexa Trebek.

(Don’t tell anybody we do that)

We’re not obsessing about packing, so we were able to squeeze in one more game,  “Yes  or No” hosted by the adorable Natalie from St. Louis.

Under the pressure of a two minute timer, volunteers had to answer her trick questions by not responding with any form of the word yes or no.

This  I had in the bag.

Natalie: So Karen from one Jersey, did you  enjoy your meals at the windjammer buffet this week?

Karen: Do  I look  like I caught  ptomaine poisoning? 

Natalie: did you get a lot of snow at home?

Karen: do I look like Al Roker?

My snark might have scared off some children, but I got me a RC cap, the most coveted junk prize here.

Now, if the question had  been “ do you have erotic dreams about Jimmy Kimmel?” Or  “ do you think the “Melania” movie will break all  kinds of box office records?”  there would have been  no way I could have resisted screaming out “ Hell yeah!” Or “ No!! NO effin’way! 

And the little Mormon kid from Utah would have had his bragging rights and cap. 

( I’ll let you use your imagination as to whether  it was the Kimmel or Melania question that had the yes or no answer.)

Sigh.

I solved “papaya  juice” with just the “e” and the category, but this might be the only game show I am actually getting on this year. 

(She almost got me when she asked me if a Royal Caribbean cruise was my favorite vacation and shocked her and everyone else at the bar rambling on and on about  Woodloch.)

Helped me beat that timer!

We’re now sitting in the Aquadome Theater, waiting for divers to defy gravity as we try not to obsess about returning home tomorrow to the frozen tundra. 

Anyway.. as usual.. thanks for joining me on this very special trip!

So glad Suzette and Allan made turning seventy into something so joyous and memorable,  and I loved our wrap party at  the Pearl Cafe tonight, and of course, a huge thank you to Jim, who makes me feel like royalty every single day.

I’ll never forget this birthday, this trip, and the whole lotta loving that makes you Jim, my better half.

Thank you for the music…

​Thursday

It’s  a wonderful day at C.

Nope, that wasn’t autocorrect.. that was me, ‘ cause the C stands for effin’ COLD!! 

It was warmer in Alaska, but the again, who told my selfish parents to conceive me in April, giving me a January birthday? 

We Capricorns and Aquarians are not happy campers.  

We are frozen campers.  

But this is a lot better than being snowed it at home. 

At home, Suzette wouldn’t have taken her wonderful horticultural tour, guided by the person in charge of all the shrubbery and greenery on this massive ship. She really enjoyed it… her stroll through Central Park. 

Jim, Allan, and I played an impossibly tough trivia game, where my only contribution was knowing that the only letter that didn’t appear in any U.S. state is Q, but that’s only because I’m obsessed with that letter, and that’s only because I always manage to “see” it in the toughest bonus round puzzles of WOF.

We did  quite well with Scattegories, but not good enough to win, because we couldn’t think of a legit submission for “ things at the beach” with the letter “ I” except  for now, when I’m thinking of Igloos( coolers) iguanas, and instagrammers.

The participants loved our suggestion in the same category with the letter “N” ( nudists) and our suggestion under movie titles with  a “T” the expletive “ Titanic.” 

A forbidden word on a cruise ship. 

Next came  a round of Music Bingo, which is as much fun as it sounds, and eighties music trivia, which was a bit of a bust. 

We stopped by the cabin so I could change out of a bathing suit( what was I thinking??) to greet a towel monkey who didn’t demand any sexual favors like the real ones in Honduras do.

The best part of the cold, crowded, crazy day at C was the ABBA  Name That Tune game, and not just because I’m a huge fan, which I am,  but because it made me weep a little sentimentally as I wished  my super fan DIL could have joined us on this trip  with Evan. 

We would have won the game had Michelle been here, as she would have known the songs not  exclusive  to “ Mamma Mia!” ( Eagle, One of Us) and would have aced every musical competition which followed.   

They even included her absolute favorite, “Thank You For the Music.”

The emcee running the event actually gave me a mic, asking me why this  Swedish group means so much to me, and I got a little choked up as I told a bar full of strangers that I’m so lucky that these two found each other, and how my DIL made such a beautiful bride as her parents escorted her down  the aisle to “Dancing Queen,” and the recessional with the  happy newlyweds walking back to “I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do.”

I know you like your privacy, Michelle, but I needed to share this story.. and to tell you how much I miss you both, even though we’ll be celebrating my seventieth in just over two weeks with the two of you, and everyone else in my life,  since I plan to be seventy years old for the next twenty years. 

I am Thankful For the Music, the family, the friends, the vacations, and every lucky break that’s come my way.

I am I am I am I am I am.

Rock and Roll on the High Seas

​Thursday

If you want it, it will  happen.

We had an incredible day in Cozumel, but the evening entertainment once we were back on ship seemed comparatively light.

We had great conversations with our friends tonight, but not the usual swapping of stories, since their snorkeling excursion was canceled due to high winds. 

It was probably a blessing in disguise as poor Suzette was felled by a killer headache, so  Allan was off on his own, mastering three trivia games like the whiz he is.

Dinner table conversation is always a pleasure with witty, stimulating intellectuals, but after getting to know what cruise  life is like for our waiter from Indonesia, Suzette needed to make it an early night while the three of us tried to make wise entertainment choices with slim pickings.

An interactive, highly recommended salute to “The Price is Right” was a bust for me, who thought a six hundred dollar hair appliance was priced at about forty bucks. 

I should not be adding my two cents to a game like this. 

( that’s a Barney Rubble reference)

We septuagenarians  then dragged ourselves to a classic rock show, which featured amazing talent, but we agreed to bow out early after our eardrums  absolutely made us leave.

Finally, it’s back to Dueling Pianos with the remarkably talented Anton from Down Under, 

And Emma from New York. 

We had a lovely chat with the Polish folks who shared our table, and a Pennsylvania crew shortly thereafter, but the real magic happened  when Jim and I were the sole occupants of the booth. 

After three requests on three different cruise lines, I finally got my fantasy of having “anything from the musical ‘Hairspray’ “ come true.

The Columbia  River American Cruise Line trip in 2024 had a father/daughter (.. possibly also husband and wife???) duet who never even heard of this Tony winning musical, because it was never requested at Trump rallies.

But Emma knew it..  she knew it was my birthday the day before, knew the audience would not only know but love this show, and knew how to make me smile  from ear to damaged  ear for the rest of the night.

Sure, “You Can’t Stop the Beat” would have been THE perfect choice, but I was nice and happy with her absolutely  splendid rendition of the opener, “Good Morning,  Baltimore !”

I was rocking like the ship is doing now.. but in the best possible way.

Tomorrow is a day at sea, so I can’t regale you with tales of wild, unpredictable animals in their natural habitat, unless we venture out to the Windjammer Cafe for a buffet lunch.

Your Cozumel Dolphins

​Wednesday 

That was a birthday for the books!

If this is seventy, then I’m in seven-tieth  heaven.

 I really felt the birthday love.

The steward of our cabin left a bottle of champagne, which I won’t drink, and Suzette and Allan gifted me with a jar of coco butter , which I’ll either use or eat. 

( I had sampled some on the chocolate tour earlier in the day)

I love exchanging stories with them. 

They did similar activities to us, but the monkeys that resided in the sanctuary they visited didn’t try to molest  either one of them.. although one unzipped Allan’s backpack. 

No, that’s not a euphemism.

The show was a repeat from the last time we were on this ship, an inventive ice show. Only this time the seas are rough,  but those professionals on skates didn’t falter even once, where I could barely stand in the shower, even while tightly gripping the grab bar.

Suzette turned in early after a long day, and the three of us went to a game similar to Name  That Tune, and if you didn’t guess that the first song was “Dancing Queen” then you’ve only been skim reading the blog. 

Good for you for not wasting your time.. 

Tomorrow we’ll wake up in Cozumel, getting ready for the complete  dolphin experience.

While many folks are complaining about the roughness of the seas, I’m actually enjoying it. 

I love the feeling of being in a cradle  while an  old lady who’s sipping tea and crocheting  while stroking a kitten gently rocks me. 

The old lady has seven arms.

Perhaps she’s quietly humming an acapella version of DQ?

The noise doesn’t bother me either.

It maybe a kajillion decibels, but the angry and vociferous ocean is still quieter than Jim’s snoring.

But I was a little scared when all my shoes crashed  down from the tiny shelving  I had neatly stacked them on. 

It was at this point that Jim moved the bottle of birthday champagne into the somewhat secure trash can. 

I’d rather deal with an inebriated cabin steward who finds this treasure in the trash  than broken glass.

Another day,another encounter with wild animals. 

We are in Cozumel, and we just got out of  eighty degree water after playing with dolphins Cathy  and.. hmm.. I forget the Spanish name of the other one so let’s just call her Patty, ‘cause they’re dolphins! Identical dolphins all the way.. one pair of matching  blow holes.. different as night and day..

They had the same father but different mothers, because Daddy Dolphin   apparently fathered tons of fish in the sea. 

We called him Nick Carter.

A nasty pelican wanted part of the action, but the ten people in our group, standing shoulder to shoulder on a slimy platform, shooed  it away along with that nasty seaweed.

We were encouraged to touch the dolphins, pet them, shake their fins and kiss them.

I shook my head and said, “ain’t happening unless they buy me dinner first.”

So we kissed dolphins in the same place eight strangers kissed dolphins, which means we all have approximately two hours to live.

They were less aggressive than yesterday’s monkeys, I’ll give them that.

None of them tried to shove an appendage into my mouth.

“hello, Dolphins.. loved your show, dolphins.. it’s so nice to have us back where we belong!”

We just enjoyed a complimentary Mexican lunch ( who I thought  them say that I’m okay looking for a seventy year old broad) and now we’re just lounging by the pool, listening to pleasant music,hoping to dry off a little before heading into the theater to see a sea lion show.

Then it’s off for a short taxi  ride back to the pier and back to the ship,when we’re both going to wonder how the time is flying by so fast on this terrific vacation.

Hey hey birthday girl.. it’s the monkeys

​Tuesday:

So this is seventy!

So this is Roatan, Honduras!

If someone told we when I was growing up that I’d be welcoming an important milestone birthday on an excursion that involves wild  monkeys and a chocolate factory, I would have wondered if they were a baboon on a sugar rush. 

It may take some time to acknowledge all your acknowledgments on this jam packed active day, so let me thank you in advance and tell you about last night.

Lemon Curd Tartlet. 

Remember that if nothing else. 

We had a wonderful dinner with Suzette and Allan, swapping stories about our  days. 

Their excursion sounded interesting, but I’m not sure I’m  a “taste a different flavored tequila before noon” type of gal.

I’m more of a “ can I get up at eleven and still salvage the day?”  type of gal. 

After dinner, Suzette was off to the spa for a well earned facial, while Jim, Allan, and  I kicked back in the Schooner bar and listened to an amazing pianist who  got me up on my geriatric feet.

I wanted to dance to “ You Can’t Stop the Beat” , but  “Hairspray “ isn’t his thing, (nor yours if you didn’t get the “ seaweed” reference in yesterday’s blog,) but that’s ok.. he played a little ABBA and my tired old self became a little less tired as a “ Dancing Queen.”  

“ Dancing Queen … only seven-ty!”

He got the entire bar to sing happy birthday to me and I was positively giddy with euphoria.

Something tells me this is going to be a very special birthday..

And it’ll was/is!

First stop on our excursion is a chocolate factory, and I now smell like cocoa butter. 

But as soon as I walked into the shop, what does Muzak randomly  play? 

You guessed it.. more DQ! 

It’s ABBA-solutely a sign!

We’re in a submarine!

And I crossed the rickety  bridge without falling    into the murky water… with the help of the welter weight wrestling team from Honduras 

I’m looking out the porthole and seeing nothing but water the color of Top Job, but I’ll keep you updated.

Here’s the update:

Fish and coral.. here we go!

“Gilligan”  just said that the coral is firm, sturdy, and heavy,  and I shout out, so am I “

White sand is purified parrot fish poop. 

Fun fact .

Going in a submarine and looking at an endless  display of what could be anything from  jellyfish, used tissues,  or used condoms  is a fact, but not necessarily  a fun one.

I saw what I saw.

“We thought you said the monkey house.”

The most quotable line in cinematic history, save for “we’re gonna need a bigger boat” but if the Icon of the Seas got any bigger it would have to go  on Ozempic.

Let me tell you more about those little imps from  said monkey house. 

 I am now back on  an air conditioned bus, soaked to the bone,   shoes ruined by a dangerous mud slide, glasses drenched and useless, and I must say that I  think i can now successfully audition for “Survivor,” but more importantly, I just had one of the greatest experiences of my life .. on my birthday to boot.

 

Said experience  ended with a stranger  approaching me and saying “ I saw that monkey tail go into  your mouth’” and me replying,” yeah well.. it’s  my birthday so it’s one of those special occasions.”

It was fun seeing the sloths and monkeys in their natural habitat ( we named our favorite Mike Nesmith) but we had no idea what was in store for us at the  next enclosure.. an interactive experience that was equally terrifying and hilarious.

We were told to remove everything and store it on a community shelf before entering.. keys, hats, pocket contents.

“But  I can’t see without my glasses!” I  plead. “What’s next?  You’re gonna make me remove my bra?”

( Oh wait.. would that be a bad thing?)

Anyway, we shelve our valuables, form a tight circle in the enclosure, and then, out   of nowhere, we are totally engulfed in simians.

They were on our faces, arms, hair.. scattering and scurrying like panicked roaches  in a   Hell’s  Kitchen apartment .   

I scream at one of them, “ do you know how much a hair straightening treatment costs?” 

 (I think he was the one who tried to get me to  go all Monica Lewinsky  on his tail.)

To increase the chaos and side splitting hilarity, the trainer soaked our palms with a liquid he called “gummy bears” and I truly believe they were gummy bears, but  probably the medical kind. 

I rubbed the residue on Jim’s shirt just for kicks.

Got so many kicks that I could be a Rockette.

We didn’t get to interact with the macaws at the next exhibit, because they apparently dislike torrential downpours.

( or getting back into the ship in soaking Skechers.. they’re gonna smell like a monkey soon. It’s just a matter of time)

Anyway, if you’re ever on the Icon, don’t miss this fabulous excursion..

Chocolate in your bellies, vertigo in your inner ears( from the submarine ) and monkeys  on your back. 

Totally worth every penny and every future bout with pneumonia we’re all likely to come down with.

I’ll write more this evening.. but thanks for all the birthday love!

Flaming Cheetos Mayan Style

​Monday. 

Hola!

Welcome to Costa Maya Mexico! 

We’re on an air conditioned bus, waiting for departure, and I’m  already triggered because we just walked on the endless pier that we walked on before,  when Evan was nine, and we were on a Disney cruise that stopped here. 

We were told  at that time to “ swim at our own risk”in the ocean, but when  my skin is literally melting off from the humidity, it’s a risk I was willing to take, and shortly after submerging my hot body , my skin was literally ripped off by the razor sharp shells that lined the sea wall.

  The current just didn’t give a single crap, ruthlessly thrusting me into the wall of knives. 

The current was as apathetic as the Disney medical team.

I forget what we used to make a tourniquet, but it wasn’t a ton of fun.

(Jim can probably dig up photographic proof) 

The  children around me were terrified I’d attract sharks ( who apparently like blood, blubber, and fishy scents) and were just terrified  of me in general.

And you’re  not??

That was then.. this is now. 

We just talked to siblings from Chicago by way of Lithuania. He’s a bartender and was holding a margarita plastic container, neon green, so maybe when we swim after our Mayan ruins tour,  I’ll hang by him in the sea so the bottle can repel.. or is it attract??.. sharks. 

Our tour guide is Francisco, and he just blew a shofar, but all the non-Jews on this bus probably only heard a horn. He is very funny and very charismatic. Like when he told the bus driver to stand up and introduce himself …while we were already in transit, or when he took a long pause when referring to the Gulf  of …America. 

He just asked a bus  load of tired passengers to name the Seven Wonders of the World and when I yelled out  “Yankee Stadium “ I got a lot of dirty looks. 

The ruins are a wonder to behold, and I’m beholding them on a bench under a tree that’s giving me tons of shade. I’ll see Jim’s video after.. it’s too hot to climb today.  

(translation: I don’t want my hair to look like something one would need to scour pots with)

A mom just said to her kids, all under the age of ten, “we are now going to explore the Mayan ruins, and after, we’ll go back on the air conditioned bus, then lunch and beach, then tons of activities when we’re back on the ship, but if you complain  about how hot it is or how tired your feet are, I’m canceling everything.”

I asked this woman to adopt me.

Francisco is soon taking us back to the bus and to the beach.  We had to sign a form saying we were fine going to a beach with less seaweed, as though anyone on this bus would be disappointed and refuse to sign.

“And if we try to stop the seaweed, we  got the NAACP”

( for  Broadway buffs.. if you don’t get the reference, google)

Jim is sitting next to me on the bus, eating flaming Cheetos. 

A perfect snack after climbing up to all those ruins. 

Montezuma is gonna get a lot of revenge, I’m thinking,

 

Just read the ingredients  on the bag.

Yep, there’s cyanide.

I thought so. 

So.. the Costa Maya beaches, eh?

( why am I imitating Bugs Bunny? Nobody asked me a question??

Though I didn’t see any ginsu  knives on the seawall, like we did in 2004, there were plenty of them  in the sea. It looked aquamarine and inviting from the distance of a lounge chair covered by a canopy,  but up close? 

It looked like onion soup broth If onion soup broth had switchblades in it.

No worries though.. the pool was a lot less crowded than those on the ship, so I did my forty five minute workout, sipped a virgin Pina Colada, and then watched Jim’s mini stroke  as he believed we’d never make it back to the ship in time.

The thing is, either they didn’t tell us or we weren’t listening to begin with, we not only didn’t pack water shoes, we had no idea we’d be  on our own, deserted by Francisco, finding cabs that RC paid for in order to get back to port.

We found a cab, and I apparently didn’t miss much by bypassing all the ruins, because we drove right through them.. littered lawns of what I’m guessing are homes owned by Meth  addicts. The driver seemed determined to drop us off,  randomly , and I was wondering what kind of jobs we’d have to take on for the three months we’d be stranded here. 

I dunno.. building walls??

Anyway, the cab drops us off and we’re suddenly in this bizarre village of shops and aggressive  vendors. Nothing  looked even a little familiar to the place where we boarded the buses. Just an endless cobblestone path of confusion. At one point, Jim yells out, “ this is an effin nightmare!” 

And it really WAS like those weird dreams I have at least three nights a week, and when a swimming pool popped up out of nowhere, I was absolutely positive I was in the middle of a bizarro dream.

I wore a hot pink shirt that read “ there’s no crying in baseball!” 

And the aggressive vendors went to town with it.

“ hey lady.. do you play professional baseball? Do you want some earrings?”

“oh look at that crazy lady in the pink shirt.. do you want a massage?”

“ there’s the “ there’s no crying in BASKETBALL bitch.. she’s ignoring us.. wanna bet her name is Karen?”

Time to shower and get ready to swap stories with our friends.

The wonderful Tami just sent a photo of our shoveled driveway and news that our poodle is doing well with the sitter.

Life!

It’s more than just Mikey’s favorite cereal!

Let’s table the issue

​Sunday

That was the best night’s sleep I had in years, even though autocorrect changed  “ night” to  “nightmare.”

I don’t want to gloat, but while a lot of my friends are panicking about a rock salt shortage, I’m overlooking salt water.. gently rocking and shimmering waves and abundant sunshine.

Jim, Allan and I played morning trivia, which somehow resulted in the Philippino woman running the event handing me a mic, asking me to sing the first few verses of “ Let it Go!.. but at this point, I could barely remember my name because I was chastising myself for not knowing what two fruits have the highest caloric count.

Right.. like I eat fattening fruit.

I didn’t even know for sure avocado was actually a fruit.

Now it’s just time for chillin’.. reggae music by the adult pool. 

Life as it should be

I was excited to meet Sharon, an attorney from Hilton Head,  in the  hot tub, who told me the song I requested at “Dueling  Pianos” was played, because she realized I was the Karen who requested “Dancin’ Queen.” 

We had already left to see the raunchy comics, a good thing, because according to Sharon, I would have had to get up and dance. 

A middle schooler took my place and I’m sure she wowed the crowd. 

The pushy rude people you find in line at a crepe station! 

( But I told Jim I’ll behave myself next time. )

What I won’t do for Nutella..

( a lot it turns out. I don’t particularly like the stuff, but  other  crabby people do)

I have Suzette’s total permission to talk about her personality in this blog , which I’m happy to do, because I love  absolutely everything about her, and I’m so glad they decided to join us on this special cruise, because their company, as neurotic as it might seem on the surface, is absolutely priceless.

Suzette is a self proclaimed “ prima donna” ( and a  “rule breaker” but that’s got another blog, and her “ crimes” aren’t even social misdemeanors by any standard. The girl just knows what she wants.. and goes for the gold.)

She apologized profusely to the dining manager  last night when  “requesting” a new table on another deck, one with less noise and less traffic, but the replacement table tonight was even worse, by her standards.

Jim and I, and even her husband Allan, are not bothered by a dining room that feels like a zoo.. or by overcrowded pools with tons of kids and blaring music in the background. Or maybe we are.. but we go with the flow.

Speaking for  myself, I’m totally oblivious to subpar hospitality, unless it’s blatant.

And it’s not the hospitality per se that’s an issue.. the staff is wonderful!   She just sees things that many of us do not. 

Suzette is a female version of Larry David.. hilarious , bright, totally comfortable with social behavior that might shock others, but she’s so real and lovable that the complaints come across more like observational humor than buzz killing problems. 

And she’s never verbally abused anyone on the staff.. she goes out on a limb to be as kind and sensitive as humanly possible.. while getting the job done.

It’s great to know we’ll be as close as we were before the trip as we’ll be when it’s over. True friends let friends be themselves.. even if laughter and sometimes cringe ensues. 

It’s also helpful that we’re not spending every waking moment linked together.. they booked separate excursions from us, but we enjoy sharing dinners together and swapping stories about how we spent our day.

Right now.. we’re off to See the Wizard! 

More later

Six seven

​Welcome

And…. We’re back! 

Back where we belong, on an overcrowded cruise ship with a thousand kids and tens of thousands of tattoos.

We’re back on the massive Icon of the Seas, the western route this time, but at this point, I’d cruise to Outer Mongolia if it meant avoiding  those ten to twelve  inches my friends at home are getting.

What a way to bid adieu to my sixties and warmly embrace my seventies!

Or as the hip kids say: “six SEVEN!”

Right.. like I understood the reference before “South  Park.”

 I barely  understood the awfulness of Kristi Noem before  “South Park.”

I will be celebrating my birthday for the week and the rest of the year, because I absolutely love the fact that I’m seventy and ornery AF.

We’re here with dear friends Allan and Suzette, and he just turned seventy last Monday, only he’s not as annoying as I am. 

I have to show him the ropes.

First Allan, you complain that the soup is lukewarm. Then you talk about how the government is ripping you off

A septuagenarian in the elevator was enthusiastically telling her husband that she couldn’t decide which water slide she wanted to try first, while Jim and I bitched that Medicare no longer covers Telemed appointments.  

Not all geriatrics are created equal.

We have a much smaller room this time.. no balcony but there’s a big window, and less bathroom shelving for all my bright and shiny amber vials,but I’m in a warm climate with warm, fun people, so no more petty complaining.

Until  I do.

Unless my luggage still hasn’t been delivered yet. 

I had to walk barefoot to the pool, and all sanitizing stations were for hands only. So I’ll let you know if something other than my crankiness is contagious. 

Suzette, bless her heart, got us moved from a noisy table on the third deck to a (hopefully ) quieter one on the fourth for the rest of the week. We had very attentive servers( which we hope to  clone for the remainder of our stay) and lots of delectable menu items.. finally had a little bit of an appetite.

The headliner tonight could do things with balls that I could never do, even if I had them, which some people reading this blog will insist I do. 

Lots of double entendres and lots of double jointed moves.. highly entertaining for our  first night on the deep blue seas. 

We’re now seated in a cabaret type club, waiting for “sixty seconds or less” which will hopefully start any minute. 

The game, quite frankly, is a little silly. First, four kids of various ages went on stage to flip a number two pencil off of the back of  their palm, trying to catch them with an open fist. The more pencils you grab, the better the prize. Then they get four adult “volunteers” to perform the same trick, one a trained seal who wanted a Royal Caribbean cap could do just as well.

Now,if this emcee asked for volunteers with acute acid reflux, and prizes were awarded based on how  many audible belches they could produce  in sixty seconds or less, I’d be the proud owner of a Volvo by now.. or at least, an RC keychain 

The next challenge involved  stacking cups into pyramids. I’m not interested in a game like these kind of idiots. I’m only interested in idiots who say “I’d like to buy a vowel” when the category is   “proper name” and the answer is something like “Yoko  Ono”  and only the “O” is missing and they try to buy an “A.”

The entire cabaret is laughing hysterically.. I think I was born without sense of humor, because I don’t laugh at twerking and cup stacking.

I’m so tired that I think my earlobes fell asleep, but I just wanted to add ( to a possible future archive) how much we loved the Dueling Pianos( autocorrect tried to make that “ dueling paninis”) and three hilarious and diverse comics.

Let me get my beauty rest… which should take approximately ninety eight hours.. and I’ll spill some more tomorrow