Welcome Back Kimmel

 Welcome back Kimmel!

Welcome back!

Your joke caused your exit out

Welcome back!

SAD!!  That freedom of speech

Was tossed out

Disney’s profits would fall since you left the air

Even Cruz and Rand Paul shouted out:

“It’s no fair!!”

Who’d have thought they’d screw ya?

MAGA, what’s it to ya?

Where’s your sense of humor?

Asks THIS baby boomer?

‘Cause he teased you a lot??

Why’d you snowflakes get so hot?

But he’s back!!

You can’t censor a wit.. welcome back

Just ‘cause you’re fulla sh-t

Welcome back!!

Welcome back!!

Guillermo, we missed your laugh!

Welcome back!

First Amendment’s still here 

Guess they HEARD your staff!!

Oh they didn’t buy that hate

Spewed by Brendan Carr

Now we’re staying up late

To see WHO you are!!

Folks were dropping HULU 

Folks were shouting “screw you!”

Revenue was tanking

Now they should be thanking

Those who reasoned a lot

‘Cause you’re back in your time slot!

Welcome back!

A (Re)tiring Day

So I may or may not ever be a contestant on a TV game show ever again, but in real life, I'm still counting my blessings and my recent good fortune.

I was a very proud wife at Jim's retirement party today--the accolades kept coming, along with the pizza with varying toppings.

He is so obviously still revered, treasured, respected, and so missed by all his friends and colleagues.

I never knew nerdy guys(and a few women) could be so sentimental but they were ..extolling his virtues and making Jim laugh. Without even using their laptops to do so. Every word was sincere and heartfelt.

Jim was really in some great company, working for an even greater company, for those forty eight years. The admiration and respect was palpable.

We then had a terrific dinner with our dear friends who are the opposite of the dreaded small talkers..I could have continued our stimulating and deep conversations long after dessert plates were cleared, but we had theater tickets for a local production of "Can't Run, Can't Dance."

The plot was a little convoluted in the first act, by the second, we were all mesmerized, laughing, gasping, and thoroughly enjoying ourselves, wondering if any injuries were real from all the staged violence and slapstick humor we witnessed.

But the real thrill for me came after curtain call, when I spoke to the playwright in the very uncrowded lobby.

I told him how much I enjoyed the play, but more importantly, how fan-girly(I didn't use that word) I was to be shaking hands with a major cast member of my favorite television show of all time.

I shared my experience of going to LA in the summer of 2024 with Jim and Evan, and how surreal it felt to be on the Warner Brothers lot, and taking the tram that delivered us to the fictional town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and the front door of none other than Lorelai Gilmore herself.

I got all goofy and dorky at this point, asking him if he still sees any original cast members("only when there's an event planned, like a reunion show or a fan festival") and then I blasted him for being so mean to Rory Gilmore, but I sounded so stupid when I said it, like I actually believed he was Mitchum Huntzberger instead of talented actor/writer Greg Henry.

He's not an a-hole..he just played one on TV.

But he did real scenes with Lauren Graham!

And Alexis Bledel!

Melissa McCarthy was his co-worker! (But I don't remember them being in any scenes together off-hand)

I talked to someone who was on GILMORE GIRLS!!

I think it's time to spin that wheel again, while my hands still work and my lucky streak is still intact.

Right in the butt

Another day, another whirlwind of activity.

I'm not used to being this busy...on any given day, I need a nap after charging my Kindle or flossing my teeth.

Today I get to celebrate Jim's official retirement luncheon, even though he's been officially retired since June.

.Everyone is wondering if he's driving me crazy yet, and I succinctly reply, "I don't drive any more and I've always been crazy, so..yeah."

Still, I'm proud of all his accomplishments and how he fills his days without complaining about how he's filling his days.

Tonight it's dinner and theater, an original comedic farce written by Gregg Henry, who played Mitchum Huntzberger, Rory's beau Logan's villainous Dad.

There are no bad guys in "Gilmore Girls"..that show is sacred.

I'm still trying to recuperate from yesterday, still glad that I finally at least auditioned for "Wheel of Fortune" but still miffed that my odds of getting on the show are slim. There must have been a thousand applicants on line yesterday, which is probably going to repeat today.

And that's just one city!!

Philadelphia isn't the only place holding auditions, and if you factor in all the virtual tryouts as well, then reality sets in: Even if when I sold myself yesterday with a price tag and a coupon, if I wasn't given the chance to actually prove my puzzle solving dominance, this might be as far as my "Wheel of Fortune" journey is going to go.

And it's sad.

Once again..this is NOT conceit(well..it is..a little bit..) but BEWILDMENT.

Go ahead and ask Jim for confirmation.

(He's retired..he's got nothing better to do).

Last night's category, "crossword puzzle" had this hint: "corn"

The contestant spun the wheel and called and an "r", which was revealed as the second letter on the top. I saw the "r"..then "saw" (corn) BREAD, then "saw" that the "B" in "bread" could spell out (corn) BALL, and immediately "saw" the position of the "l" and knew it could only spell out (corn) FLAKES, which led me to connect the "d" from "bread" with the " "s" from "flakes" and yes, you're reading this correctly, although probably with with a lot of confusion, I'll bet, that , I solved BREAD/FLAKES/DOGS/BALL with ONLY the "R".

I saw the entire puzzle after only one letter was revealed.

Too bad the producers might not think this is good television.

Too bad I'm only getting judged on my personality..they didn't even ask WHICH of my many personalities they wanted to see.

I'm a savant, not a used car salesman.

One funny thing that did happen while waiting on line that I forgot to mention in yesterday's recap: My new buddies and I were talking about all the hilarious solutions we've seen in classic episodes " The Wheel.".including when the contestant guessed "Pill Pushers" instead of "Well Wishers" for the "people" category.

Hmmph!..I wonder what was HIS unique selling proposition during HIS interview?

But then we all had a laugh at a solve that happened during one of Pat Sajak's last shows as the host, when the personality-plus contestant guessed "This is the Best" as the memorable "Right in the Butt???"

None of us could initially remember the real answer ("This is the Best) so Jim volunteered to look it up by googling "Right in the Butt" to which sweet Emma Stone look-alike Ariana replied, "I'd be careful googling "right in the butt" if I were you."

See? Even if I don't beat the odds, I had a morning full of laughter and camaraderie.

But I solved BREAD/DOGS/FLAKES/BALL with only the "R" so screw that!!

If I don't get on, the producers who make these decisions are F_LL of _ _ _ _

Let me get ready to tackle the day.

There's no rest for the restless.

(H)Amster wheel of fortune

September 18, 1987:

The day my BBF in the whole wide world, Rochelle, got her first and only hangover, which meant she had to bow out of our scheduled trip to Club Getaway in the Berkshires, Connecticut, which meant I had to leave my comfort zone(namely, sitting by the lake with her all day making fun of people) and be sociable with people I barely knew.

One of those persons was Jim Amster.

Now, if Rochelle had felt well enough to go with me that weekend, we still might have made fun of him, but she would have looked me in the eye and said with absolute conviction, "He's going to be your Happily Ever After someday"

And she was right.

September 18, 2009:

We decided we want to send our stable lives into chaos and upheaval by adopting a psychotic little poodle name Luke.

Our lives have never been the same. I

'll let you know if that's a good thing or a bad thing as soon as I know.

September 18, 2020:

I was having this very conversation with my husband and son, pointing out the significance of this previously random date, when Evan got an alert on his phone and said, "Well..the date is going to be remembered for something bad this time..Ruth Bader Ginsberg just died, and I'm betting SCOTUS will try to replace her before the election, but at least we found out her mother shared our last name"

September 18, 2025:

I finally answered my calling..people who have known me for years and are familiar with my astonishing skills at solving Bonus Round Puzzles on "Wheel of Fortune"--that's not conceit--it's BEWILDERMENT- finally -convinced me to listen to karma and go out and audition.

A security guard told us some very confident fans--at least forty--camped out all night to be the first to audition. The on-line announcement told hopefuls that the line would start at ten but auditions wouldn't start until an hour later.

We arrived at 10:10--to the Rivers Casino in my old hometown of Philadelphia, where we found a line that's longer than when a new attraction first opens in Disneyworld. The line was long, and in the sun, and there was no place to sit, and I'm going to stop complaining because I absolutely need to share details while they're still fresh.

I admit to being "Obnoxiously Braggy" (hey..woudn't that be a hoot if I got on the show and that was the bonus puzzle answer ??) when it comes to my prowess with solving even the most complicated bonus rounds, but I soon discovered that there would be no opportunity to show off that skill this day. No chance to prove I once solved "quick foxes" with just the "e" and "s' because there'd be no trial game playing.

There'd just be ..let's call them personality tests--to see if you qualify for making good TV. I had to not be a Karen and sell myself as a Karen.

I was at the mercy of a producer..who'd either love me or despise me..like what happens in the in the real world.

But if this experience never goes any further than today--to experience all that joy and laughter and camaraderie while sweltering in that eternal serpentine of a line--well..so be it.

Because it t was fantastic!!

We were told we had to sell ourselves in a thirty second interview..yep, we were gone for nine hours today just to get a chance for thirty seconds of fame.

Still worth it.

I befriend two people on line, the very sweet Ariana who is a doppelganger for Emma Stone, and the hilarious, phenomenal, absolutely-nailed-this-and-is going-to-get-on Nyim, who donned a Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat cover while totally channeling a young Eddie Murphy and an even more charismatic young Bily Porter.

People who didn't even get to chat with him as long as I had confessed to being in love with him

I so want Myim to get a slot, but if it's at the expense of me getting on the show, Imma gonna scratch his twinkling little eyes out, and listening to him giggle and call me "Miss Karen!" while doing so.

Everyone was rehearsing what they were going to say in those precious allotted thirty seconds, but that is not enough time to sell my almost seventy years of my goofiness and patented insanity.

A pre-recorded film of Ryan Seacrest shown in the lobby advised potential players not to just say you" love the show because it wouldn't sell.

Everyone does.

Except for people who chose "thing" as their category in the bonus round. They obviously hate the show.

So I practiced my spiel with my new buddy who gave me the absolute confidence to crush this thing..or at least, that's what I hoped

Those poor people standing in the endless queue did not have a chance..by the time they'd make it to the airconditioned interviewing room, they'd be drenched in perspiration while trying to sell themselves between asthmatic coughs.

Speaking of queue, when the reporter from the local ABC news affiliate showed up to tape a segment for today's newscast, while most of the hopefuls were dancing in place and shouting, "Go Birds!"..I was shouting, "Give me a Q 'cause I'll figure out very early that it's in the puzzle."

And then I did what I think is the one of the most brilliant things I've ever done in the history of auditioning for this show, which is non-existent, because this was my first time.

I'm either going to come across as a conceited cocky schmuck--or someone sneaky and clever.

The stuff I planned to use in the thirty second interview, knowing there's be no time to use it, was now sneakily put... on the application!!

Like, when the form asked "is there any special themed week you want to be considered for?" ..where lots of Teachers and Military folks were checking off boxes, I had the sheer gall to write, with poor penmanship to boot, "Yes, if the theme is "I Solved "My-Poodle-Ate-My Homework-with-just-the-"t"-and-the-"e" Week, " please consider me.

Is that brilliant or what? It's like I actually had the chance to SPIN THE WHEEL and PLAY.

I didn't use the INTERVIEW to show off--I made the APPLICATION a second interview!

One that was perfect for showing off.

And when asked if I had ever been on a game show before(Jim suggested that should have been my opening line) I filled out the APPLICATION with details--including how Dick Clark would give backrubs to nervous contestants waiting in the winner's circle on "Pyramid".

The application asked if I had grandchildren, and instead of just not checking an "X"..I wrote that "my son only got married four days ago..give it time!"

(Although Evan and Michelle..please don't name my future grandchild "X" just because I have an overwhelming need for attention)

We finally were divided into groups of five to make our way into the small alcove to be interviewed by an enthusiastic staffer.

Myim and Ariana were in each other's group--not mine--but I'm rooting for them both to get to the next level because I'm an altruistic soul with kick-ass puzzle skills.

I was the first to be interviewed in my group, which means I have no idea whether the fellow applicants thought they'd want to emulate me..or be the total opposite of me.

Jocelyn took my application with all its flowery details and told me I had thirty seconds.

I used them wisely.

Now..this is not verbatim, but I said I was a "word nerd who once got a 383 point score for a single word in Scrabble.."mezquits"--and then I went on to tell her I owned a singing telegram company but I have a terrible voice, which she would be hearing nanos seconds later.

I begin, with just a touch of smarminess, "I even wrote custom lyrics for the theme show of "Wheel of Fortune", music by Merv Griffin. (again..bragging about my pop culture trivia prowess) I begin to sing: "Here come Ryan and Vanna/"Wheel" fans in Savannah/even in Butte, Montana..have spun!"

I told her I had a whole other verse: "Spin the Wheel/with luck, it might reveal/a special prize..you'll squeal "look what I've won!")

The thing is, I didn't use the second verse because I knew my time was up, and Jocelyn said, "you had ten more seconds--which you used up explain why you thought you were running out of time."

So..was that adorable.. or am I toast?

Time will tell..

I either aced the interview, which means I'll by flying out to Sony Studios with some guests in a few months or so and have something new to add to the "Happiest Day of My Life List"-- or I'll just be that annoying old lady in the bright green shirt who gave everyone a headache.

Either outcome is one hundred percent likely.

I was the only person in my group who shook Jocelyn's hand..and I cheered for everyone else in my line as they tried to sell their life stories in thirty seconds and no, I didn't ask any of them if they cheated on the application by sneaking in facts you'd hear in the interview, although that sounds like something I WOULD do.

Wish me luck...and it's only 365 days until the next September 18th!

.

Breathless

I have been riding high in the afterglow from the happiest day of my life, Evan and Michelle’s wedding, when my husband gets an alert on his phone and utters these two words: “Jimmy Kimmel.”

Since my luck has been on the positive side lately, I thought he was going to say he scored tickets for when my Hall Pass comes to Brooklyn in a few weeks.

We’ve been waiting  for those tickets for years.

Jimmy Kimmel .

That sexy, sensitive hilarious host who makes me laugh and keeps me informed and who’s wakened my libido, four nights a week.

Who reminds me that hot macho men can weep openly on camera when an a-hole kills a beloved lion , Cecil, in a sanctuary on another continent, who had even  atheists praying for his beautiful brave little boy who went through three major heart surgeries.

He wasn’t even taping when we were in Los Angeles last summer, but I felt total reverence just being across the street, looking at his studio sign.

 I feel like somebody didn’t just take an icon off of the air, they took actual air out of my lungs.

This is beyond frightening.

Momma Mia.. Here we go again

 

Oops.

They did it again.

Well..WE did.

WE did a thing.

Again.

They did too

Again.

The tables were tight..(there were less than five dozen..)

some colleagues from work..a handful of cousins

a few family pals and his close  college friends

And Sunday's a FUNDAY (since my sibs could attend!!)

the venue was tiny..the dream's from a fable

as newlyweds beamed from the own "sweethearts' table

But size doesn't matter..so goes the cliche..

the spirit was huge on this fabulous day..

Yesterday we amassed to witness the union..the REunion..of Evan and Michelle.

As some of you may recall, their destination wedding happened last April, on a balmy Saturday night, in a Brooklyn palace, with unknown(to our party, but) very happy revelers, celebrating a variety of milestones. We experienced the uniquenes and joy of a typical Russian celebration..

embracing a culture and a magic that came straight out of the beloved animated Disney classic, "Anastasia."

It was so nice that we did it twice.

The cocktail room in the  venue was the size of a Kardashian closet,(and just as stunning), a local Italian banquet hall with a picturesque outdoor garden that transported our guests into a village in Tuscany.  

The ceremony took place in a garden, where the  intoxicating scent of tomatoes and peppers and Italian spices perfumed the air. 

 And here's a great time to mention that my two and a half year old great-nephew, Asher,  couldn't keep his hands off of an enormous dangling squash, and the dirty jokes his grandfather, (aka "abba", aka my brother, Steven) cracked at the image that hopefully someone caught on camera, but more on that later. 

We chose this venue because of their access to outside glatt kosher catering, pleasing the palettes of my observant family who were able to travel, since the big event was held on a  Sunday and not on Shabbat.  

 The timing worked out perfectly as well for one of the  the groom's childhood friends, Jimmy,  who is proudly serving our country overseas, but who was able to  attend this event with his wife, Rachel,  and their  five month old son, the adorable Jonathan McNamara, who danced pretty much every dance with them.

There were no frills per se on this second go ..no exotic candleabras adorning the tables, no ornate drapery,  no decorated flowers on the delicious chocolate cake.   The couple rode in  their cars instead of limousines, but they might as well have been arriving in Cinderella's golden carriage.  

(The Brooklyn wedding had transportation that resulted in  a memorable wedding hightlight, as we all soaked in the memories of the wonderful evening that took a busload of we weary partiers back to New Jersey in the incredibly early  hours of the morning.)

If we could not include you in the celebration due to space constraints, please be aware that we sensed your presence in spirit. 

 Deep in our hearts.

We felt the love and we return it in droves.

For those of you who enjoyed my wedding recap last spring, if you got the time..I got the sequel. 

November 5th, 1989

July 23rd, 1995

September 14th, 2025(and April 26)

Save for  when my personal favorite won the Oscar,  or I had the best well-marbled steak I've ever had, or winning that first gold medal in a Woodloch Scavenger Hunt, the above dates mean one thing only:

They're all the happiest day of my life.

The BIG Ones.

The ones that when I take my last breath on this planet, if I can still breathe and still think, will make me grateful that I  ever graced this Earth to begin with.

My marriage to Jim.

The birth of my only child.

The wedding of Evan and Michelle.

The day started off with me obsessively checking and rechecking  the weather, so grateful that the forecast showed no rain but most of us got sdoaked anyway--in our own perspiration--and most of us would do it again in that heat in order to witness that beautiful ceremony we witnessed.

After obsessing about the weather and ordering virtually everyone I know to promise to DO "something" about it,  (???!!!!)I made a trip to India to have my makeup professionally applied.

And yep, with my seventieth birthday just a few months away, I probably WOULD have traveled to Mumbai to look youthful and be a prettier version of myself, but this India is  the name of the talented cosmetologist just minutes away, who, along with  her co-worker, Margie, turned the matted mess that takes up residence on my scalp into a work of art.

And once again, my sister/neighbor Tami, my lifeline to fashion and sanity, picked out my dress that was red-carpet worthy, a shimmering silver gown and bejeweled ballet slippers that I could actually walk in.  Her mom, Evelyn, is just as gifted, lending me her stunning silver clutch and clip on earrings, plus a beautiful necklace that I wore backwards because Jim put it on me and we're both clueless, until Evelyn adjusted it and..omg!!  I don't know how much longer I can pull off being a girly  girl!  Being a fashionista was unique and wonderful, a cinderella story that lasted a whole day, and why am I talking so much about Me, Myself, and What I Wore??  You're probably already tired of reading something this length by now.

Soon after a visit to the glam squad, Jim and I stopped by the restaurant to drop off our LG flat screen TV that would be used for our big surprise in the upcoming hours.  

I will eventually get around to posting the actual presentation of said surprise, but I'll say this  for now: I  wrote special lyrics to one of Michelle's favorite songs, "Dancing Queen" that was used in both wedding's  processionals. 

 Jim worked with the deejay on perfecting the presentation from a technical standpoint, and the music that brought the entire room to tears and laughter would not have happened without the amazing vocal talent of Rachel Toner, a performer who's known across the pond as "Sandy Bloomers." 

 We befriended Rachel and her family on our 2017 European cruise.

 She hails from Darwen in the UK and her distinct British pronounciation of certain words only made the song that much more well received.  Thanks, Rach!!

We sweated bullets once we found out that Evan planned to get dressed in our house before heading literally up the street to the magnificent Piazza di Roma, certain that the surprise would be blown because he'd noticed the absence of the livingroom  TV..but he never did.

 Nervous pacing and adjusting bowties certainly has it's benefits for the oblivious.

We've driven by this restaurant almost daily in the thirty years we've lived in our current home, but it never dawned on us to one day throw a wedding in an Italian eatery, but it should have.  Not only could they accomodate the seven members of our kosher crew, they anticipated every need for everyone  before we even knew we had them.

Rosalia and Mike have been running this establishment like a well oiled machine, their glowing reviews on line actually downplay how amazing it actually is.  From the TLC of the attentive staff to the breath taking outdoor garden,  to the scrumptious Italian cuisine, this is the place where beautiful memories are made to last forever..the ones that never leave your soul, even during your most cynical hours.

This blog is getting too long, even by my crazy standards, so let me try to highlight the highlights, although there's no guarantee that's going to be a reasonable length either.

I'm still on a high. 

Floating way above the clouds.

A drone would probably pinpoint my location in the sky, a drone demanded..er..requested..by my brother's seven year old grandson, Eyli, who was the reluctant ring-bearer with eyes set on a great bridal party member gift.. in the form of an actual  drone.

Eyli might have opined that the ceremony was "long and boring, a bit from his non-stop comedy routine,  but it was anything but.  

The couple hired a secular officiant who not only encouraged flash photography and videography, she encouraged laughter and irreverence and shouts of "woo hoo!". 

 And even though some of us witnessed the exchange of vows last April(my niece Marissa, and Evan's two roommates from Rutgers, Matt and Chin) nobody seemed bored by the repeat. 

 Tears flowed, laughter was in abundance..and seeing Evan's millenial friends overwhelmed with visible  emotion made me grateful that I entered this wonderful thing called motherhood some thirty years ago.

 The officiant, Dee, turned a usually sacred event into a mini rom-com..an unforgettable one.  I don't think I've ever cried, laughed,( or sweated) that much before in my life.

A special highlight for me(well, there were many, but I'm only going to discuss this one before my fingers fall off) was the reenactment of something that happened in August of 2008, something that would have made the list of the happiest days of my life if we hadn't trusted so many inept professionals, (like the videographer who totally botched the video) 

Namely, Evan's bar mitzvah.

I honored the couples’ request to keep things low key..no tossing of garters or bouquets, no mushy father/daughter or mother/son dance, but my sister-friend neighor, Tami, remembered how Evan and I danced to "Seasons of Love" (from "Rent") when he was the thirteen year old celebrating becoming a man, and asked the deejay to play it again. 

 The room was too noisy for me to hear her special request and  the deejay's announcement, but Evan heard it, secretly thanking(I think??) Tami, as he  agreed to dance to that terrific song.  This time I actually prayed a little that we WOULDN'T get the videography, a painful reminder of the aforementioned bar mitzvah ceremony, because  with my dancing skills, I make Elaine Benes look like Ginger Rogers. 

But I seriously didn't care what I looked like in that shimmering silver.

 I only cared that my son knows how proud I am of him..how deep my love for him runs.

But we danced..and everyone danced..including the relucatant ring bearer, and his mature-beyond belief sister, Shoshana, who was actually honored to be in the wedding party.  Shoshanna, in her blue princess dress, loved her responsibilty, and loved that Evan and Michelle chose "Popular" from her favorite movie, "Wicked" as the bridal party was introduced to the enthusiastic crowd.

We had dancers, we had gourmands, we had strangers becoming fast friends at the beautifully decorated tables, we had chicken francaise and broiled salmon and eggplant, all of which I was too nervous to eat.  We had slow dancers and jivers and laughter and reminiscing.

We had Evan's childhood best friend, Matt, give a speech that could be heard by everyone(the one he delivered at the April reception was recorded privately by the videographer) that highlighted his smarts and wit and quirks and loyalty. People that barely knew who Evan is certainly got enlightened, in a joyous and educational  way.

We had a speech delivered by Jim that was right out of toastmaster ceremony. 

We had it all.

We had a ball..

I couldn't sleep a wink on the day of the wedding, but now I don't think I'll ever stop sleeping..because sleeping means a chance to relive every moment of that day in a special, vivid way, in literal dreams.

It was the happiest day of my life.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.