Golden agers at the golden age of broadway

In exactly seventy-five minutes, and (exactly!) six months from now, I will start my seventh decade of life, and I'll be doing what septuagenarians do, which is  something  like what we did tonight, which turned out to be yet again a fantastic evening at theJersey Shore Arts Center in Ocean Grove New Jersey.

Tonight we joined the Geritol  set, with the grey hair and sagging boobs(but that's enough TMI about my husband) as their walkers and canes braved  the creaky floors in the old, historical auditorium of the former Neptune High School.  We were there for improv comedy just a few weeks ago, because at our age, we have to think outside the box and see something other than popcorn movies on date night, mostly because we can't digest popcorn anymore.

The auditorium was as old as the audience who put their aging butts in the seats, with that pleasantly musty smell of your grandmother's basement, summer camp, and what I imagine the staterooms smelled like for third class passengers on the Titanic.

We kind of assessed what the crowd would be like over a delicious New Orleans style dinner at a popular restaurant across from the theater, simply because the title of the show was "The Golden Age of Broadway."

Jim observed:  "No matter how great the performers are tonight, they're not getting a standing ovation because..well..who's going to actually stand?"

Once we were actually inside the building, observing the eerie clown paintings that decked the corridors, the snark continued as he whispered to me, "Wanna bet the EMTs are going to be called in before intermission?  I'm thinking it'll be for something from "Oklahoma!"  which made me snap back, "Yep..I'm putting money on "Poor Judd Is Dead"

But despite all our not particularly warranted  sarcasm, which in reality is  closeted self-deprecation since we're part of the Medicare crowd ourselves, the show, "The Golden Age of Broadway" starring Dakota and Elle, was in a word..magnificent.

Don't bother googling Dakota and Elle..you'll just be directed to  acting's Fanning sisters, but trust me when I tell you this singing duo were just remarkable.

 They did twenty five songs from Broadway hits from the forties through the sixties..all songs we knew.  All songs we recognized.  (I was a little fuzzy on Elle's aria from "Candide" until I recognized the bridge as the theme song from "The Dick Cavett Show" and it brought me back to all the sex dreams I had with my intellectual crush as a high school junior)

Jim thought of his parents..putting in storm windows while listening to all the great songs from "Carousel" and "Brigadoon."  I thought of my parents too..well, my mom, mostly, who instilled the same love of Broadway and snark in me that Randy Rainbow's mom obviously did for him.  

My Dad didn't care for Broadway  unless Rodgers and Hammerstein were secretly  auditioning for the Philadelphia Eagles.

They refer to themselves as New Jersey's favorite tenor and soprano(and I could picture David Chase disrupting the performance, insisting that she, Elle,  was NOT New Jersey's MOST famous "Soprano") and they were phenomenal, with former Disney Princess Star Elle channeling Chenoweth, and Dakota bringing back Robert Goulet.

We smiled, we teared up, we nudged each other, predicting what song we think would be next up once the name of the musical was revealed. 

These songs have always meant so much to me personally..whether it was hearing Sondheim on the old record player while playing Scrabble with my Mom, or exposing our now thirty year old son to "Broadway Kids" songs during all those long car rides to Maine when he was little.

 I thought about  all the parodies I've written singing telegrams to for decades: of summer camp, where Joyce Stein would choreograph all those female  Tevyes and Jewish Maria Von Trapps into star-caliber performances. 

Tonight's show reminded me of schlepping on buses in the rain to borrow cast albums from my friend's parents' vast collection, as Jim and I sat with a tape recorder(the only available device in 1989) to find the perfect song to match the perfect photo for the slide show we presented to his parents for their fiftieth wedding anniversary. There wasn't a dry eye in the house at that party..where so many in attendance had family ties to real Broadway stars, like Isabel Bigley (Sara Brown from "Guys and Dolls") and Jonathan Freeman (Mr. Bratt from "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" plus his Tony-nominated performance as the waiter in "She Loves Me", revived on Broadway in 1994)

Dakota and Elle charmed us with their vocal talents, wonderful costumes, and wicked senses of humor.  (Alas, no songs from "Wicked" were performed..The Green and Pink movie is not part of the Golden Age on the Great White Way) But their stories were indeed colorful.

 They shared a lot of personal stories and anecdotes that had the audiences in stitches..which, to be fair, might have been the gall bladder surgeries that a majority of them had just a few weeks before venturing out tonight..

Geriatric jokes aside, this was a fabulous way to spend date night and I suggest you catch the act next time they're in town.  

Tickets are reasonably priced and you'll walk to your car singing..and convinced you've been reincarnated as a gay man.

And when Jim and I reminisce about this evening fifteen years from now, we'll look at each other with blank faces, and I'll say.."Try to remember that time.. in September.."

He'll snap his fingers and say: "It was in July..and it was FANTASTIK!"

Evan’s big 3-0

Three decades ago yesterday, my bladder awakened me in the "wee" hours of the morning(yeah, I went there) as it continues to do  today.

I groggily flipped on the bathroom switch when I felt a sudden gush, thinking, "wow..I'm more tired than I thought at five in the morning.. I'm missed!"

A cranky Jim woke up, looked at me, looked at the puddle, and said, "that was no boating accident..that was a shark!"

What he actually said was:

 "that was no accident..I think your water just broke."

Five minutes later, he's on the phone.

Ten minutes later, we're in the car, en route to CentraState Hospital in Freehold, and some thirty seven hours later, Evan Daniel Amster was in my arms and in our hearts.

I don't know why I had to labor so long when the C-section was inevitable. 

 Dr. DeNino had examined me three weeks earlier, saying this procedure  would be a probability, because "You are so tight" to which I snarkily replied, "oh yeah?  Then how come I wasn't more popular in college?"

Flash forward to Sunday, July 23rd, at 4:20 PM, when our crying little peanut boy entered the world and set the stage for greatness.

He was immediately placed on my swollen belly for a few seconds and I thought, irrationally, "No fair!  He looks like Gertie!" as he was whisked away.

(That was the pain talking. My late mother-in-law, Gertrude Amster, was quite the looker)

Thirty years later, I look at Evan and think to myself, "for once in my life..I think I did something right..because Evan's in it, in a leading role."

Thoughtful and hilarious with good looks in that Zac Efron-ish style, gifted with his near perfect impressions of anyone from Bernie Sanders to Ben Shapiro.

His wit is keen and observational, his memory, outstanding.

At three, he could name every state in both alphabetical and Union order, plus capitals and largest cities.

In his twenties, he could recite full passages from "Pulp Fiction" and "The Room" or from past family vacations when hilarity and insanity  ensued.

And just last weekend, he was both guest of honor and host  at his pool party, where the weather cooperated but the house  flies did not, where he was gracious and appreciative for all the loved ones who helped him celebrate. 

 From the fabulous array of delectable dishes, (yep..gonna brag about my shish kebab and his mother-in-law, Rita's,  beautiful cake, a masterpiece in fine art) to the chaos, (YOU try and organize a pool game with 100 conversations going on at once, plus guests who didn't want to get wet, but didn't want to get over-heated either, to trying to decide if the cake should be cut inside, where wet guests shivered because of the A/C, but dry guests feared the ice cream would melt outside)to amazing gifts and compliments.

The best gift of all came from his bride Michelle, and I'm not just talking about the heart and life she shares with him daily. 

 I'm talking about the creativity and effort she put into developing  a personalized boxed game, all about Evan, from trivia to playing cards with photos of family(even Luke!) to cards that begged for captions.  It was the best gift I think I've ever seen in my life!

Happy birthday to our wonderful son, a perfect match for the marvelous Michelle.

May Evan one day be the kind of Dad Jim is..what a role model!

The  signs are already there when you see how he interacts with my nephew's three  children.

Michelle is the lucky recipient of the gold medal..Jim gets the silver(deservedly so--thanks, sports and politics/current events talks!) and I proudly wear my coveted bronze.

Being your Mom is more precious than all these three metals combined.

We love you to the moon and back.

Thank you, Sal Saperstein!!

Comedy in the grove

Sometimes, thinking outside of the box is as exciting as unwrapping one eagerly to discover its contents.

Date night has always been such a crucial part of our almost forty year relationship, but because we're film fanatics, we often think that a trip to the cinema is our only option, which is why we're often stuck ingesting pretentious garbage like "The Phoenician Scheme."

Big Brother is reading my mind, apparently, because my phone is suddenly filled with alternative choices for  weekend fun..

Last week, it was the Elton John impersonator in Asbury Park, where smelling the salt air and the salty bodies of an overcrowded boardwalk let  you know with one hundred percent certainly that summer is here to stay.

This week, we decided to give improvisational comedy a whirl, but it wasn't the kind that we usually schlep into New York to see, "Chicago City Limits", that has always set the standard for ad libbed gold. 

 Nor was it like the time we saw Colin Mocherie and Brad Sherwood, superstars from "Whose Line is it Anyway?" plying their craft so professionally to a large audience in an onrnately decorated theater.

This was a local troupe called "ComedySportz" who perform weekly in Ocean Grove, a thirty minute drive from our home.  They're apparently a national group and the venues are often strange and unconventional.

This  venue was no exception.

The old building had lots of character and lots of creaking, with a layout you find in those weird dreams you have when a familiar setting looks totally unfamiliar, with a smell that was part Titanic stateroom and part your grandmother's basement..pleasantly musty. Scary clown paintings decorated the aging corridors and we finally found our way to the theater, after navigating  dark and creepy mazes,  which looked like it was at one time a funeral parlor for circus freaks..

The emcee told us the building once was used as a high school for residents of Neptune, New Jersey, and I boasted to Jim that it's the  alma mater of both Jack Nicholson and Danny DeVito--I was wrong on both counts.

But the show itself, "ComedySportz" was kind of weirdly wonderful, and it was unlike anything we've seen before.

It would be a great way to spend time with a group of creative friends, but tonight, it was just the two of us, thinking outside our boxes.

First of all, it was run like a competitive sporting event, with two teams of three facing off  with various events under the watchful eye of a talented and witty referee named Nicole.

I love when improv groups are sticklers for exactness.."the" is unacceptable if the word you're going for is "this."  The strictness--or "THIS" strictness..might seem anal but it's not..it's just challenging and fun and it makes the actors visibly lose it on stage..  Some of the humor was lightning quick and some was sophomoric, but we laughed a lot..and our contributions were meaningful.

After the show, we went to Ocean Grove's most famous establishment,  Day's Ice Cream, with long lines and even longer lists of flavors,  Everyone has a designer dog and an appetite for weird concoctions  like "Trash Can."

The town itself is very charming, with a town square right out of Stars Hollow, Connecticut, home of my Gilmore Girls.

Music could be heard from every corner, and the houses are tiny but functional, including the infamous tent houses called yurts that look like  they could hold maybe a person and a half.  Maybe half a shih tzu.

Sunburn..the lingering smell of useless sunscreen..loud music that makes you want to shut up and dance..exotic ice cream flavors...tanned perfect bodies wearing short shorts...

In summary, it doesn't get any more summery than this. 

It just takes a little thinking outside of the box.

Ode to a geriatric poodle

"Ode to a Geriatric Poodle"-- (with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein)

Luke is sixteen!

Who'd believe it?

Sure friends..he's slowing down

poor dog can't see..

he'll constantly pee

(he'll  leave gifts so soft and brown)

Harmless tumors..

but his groomers..

can't trim his fur..

(he'll bite!)

fights with the vet..

it's not his time yet..

he still has an appetite!

Someday he'll cross that Rainbow Bridge

(we're kind of all prepared)

Some day we'll see an empty fridge..

of Luke's food that we shared..

But..for now...he's here, somehow..

and happy!! enjoy your ride, yeah!

Hang on Luke..you nutty kook!

But please..on our knees..PEE OUTSIDE!!

Reminiscent of Shawshank

Okay, okay, I’m stubborn and I procrastinate and I don’t like people telling me what to do or how to think, even when they recommend something they know I will love. 

But I finally listened, and even though I am emotionally gutted  and audibly sobbing as I type this, I want to thank everyone who told me to read what will be on the short list of my favorite novels of all time.

Don’t be like me.. don’t be resistant to recommendations or feel manipulated because you’ll miss out on this masterpiece, “The River is Waiting” by Wally Lamb.

I loved all of his novels but this one reached out to me in a way I never thought a book could.

There was humor, relatability, and devastation, yet the read was worth losing sleep over.

This  book transformed me. 

Fans of “The Shawshank Redemption” will not be able to stop themselves from making comparisons, it’s inevitable .

It’s going to stay with me for days.. weeks.. months after finishing it. 

Yeah.. it’s THAT good