September 18, 1987:
The day my BBF in the whole wide world, Rochelle, got her first and only hangover, which meant she had to bow out of our scheduled trip to Club Getaway in the Berkshires, Connecticut, which meant I had to leave my comfort zone(namely, sitting by the lake with her all day making fun of people) and be sociable with people I barely knew.
One of those persons was Jim Amster.
Now, if Rochelle had felt well enough to go with me that weekend, we still might have made fun of him, but she would have looked me in the eye and said with absolute conviction, "He's going to be your Happily Ever After someday"
And she was right.
September 18, 2009:
We decided we want to send our stable lives into chaos and upheaval by adopting a psychotic little poodle name Luke.
Our lives have never been the same. I
'll let you know if that's a good thing or a bad thing as soon as I know.
September 18, 2020:
I was having this very conversation with my husband and son, pointing out the significance of this previously random date, when Evan got an alert on his phone and said, "Well..the date is going to be remembered for something bad this time..Ruth Bader Ginsberg just died, and I'm betting SCOTUS will try to replace her before the election, but at least we found out her mother shared our last name"
September 18, 2025:
I finally answered my calling..people who have known me for years and are familiar with my astonishing skills at solving Bonus Round Puzzles on "Wheel of Fortune"--that's not conceit--it's BEWILDERMENT- finally -convinced me to listen to karma and go out and audition.
A security guard told us some very confident fans--at least forty--camped out all night to be the first to audition. The on-line announcement told hopefuls that the line would start at ten but auditions wouldn't start until an hour later.
We arrived at 10:10--to the Rivers Casino in my old hometown of Philadelphia, where we found a line that's longer than when a new attraction first opens in Disneyworld. The line was long, and in the sun, and there was no place to sit, and I'm going to stop complaining because I absolutely need to share details while they're still fresh.
I admit to being "Obnoxiously Braggy" (hey..woudn't that be a hoot if I got on the show and that was the bonus puzzle answer ??) when it comes to my prowess with solving even the most complicated bonus rounds, but I soon discovered that there would be no opportunity to show off that skill this day. No chance to prove I once solved "quick foxes" with just the "e" and "s' because there'd be no trial game playing.
There'd just be ..let's call them personality tests--to see if you qualify for making good TV. I had to not be a Karen and sell myself as a Karen.
I was at the mercy of a producer..who'd either love me or despise me..like what happens in the in the real world.
But if this experience never goes any further than today--to experience all that joy and laughter and camaraderie while sweltering in that eternal serpentine of a line--well..so be it.
Because it t was fantastic!!
We were told we had to sell ourselves in a thirty second interview..yep, we were gone for nine hours today just to get a chance for thirty seconds of fame.
Still worth it.
I befriend two people on line, the very sweet Ariana who is a doppelganger for Emma Stone, and the hilarious, phenomenal, absolutely-nailed-this-and-is going-to-get-on Nyim, who donned a Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat cover while totally channeling a young Eddie Murphy and an even more charismatic young Bily Porter.
People who didn't even get to chat with him as long as I had confessed to being in love with him
I so want Myim to get a slot, but if it's at the expense of me getting on the show, Imma gonna scratch his twinkling little eyes out, and listening to him giggle and call me "Miss Karen!" while doing so.
Everyone was rehearsing what they were going to say in those precious allotted thirty seconds, but that is not enough time to sell my almost seventy years of my goofiness and patented insanity.
A pre-recorded film of Ryan Seacrest shown in the lobby advised potential players not to just say you" love the show because it wouldn't sell.
Everyone does.
Except for people who chose "thing" as their category in the bonus round. They obviously hate the show.
So I practiced my spiel with my new buddy who gave me the absolute confidence to crush this thing..or at least, that's what I hoped
Those poor people standing in the endless queue did not have a chance..by the time they'd make it to the airconditioned interviewing room, they'd be drenched in perspiration while trying to sell themselves between asthmatic coughs.
Speaking of queue, when the reporter from the local ABC news affiliate showed up to tape a segment for today's newscast, while most of the hopefuls were dancing in place and shouting, "Go Birds!"..I was shouting, "Give me a Q 'cause I'll figure out very early that it's in the puzzle."
And then I did what I think is the one of the most brilliant things I've ever done in the history of auditioning for this show, which is non-existent, because this was my first time.
I'm either going to come across as a conceited cocky schmuck--or someone sneaky and clever.
The stuff I planned to use in the thirty second interview, knowing there's be no time to use it, was now sneakily put... on the application!!
Like, when the form asked "is there any special themed week you want to be considered for?" ..where lots of Teachers and Military folks were checking off boxes, I had the sheer gall to write, with poor penmanship to boot, "Yes, if the theme is "I Solved "My-Poodle-Ate-My Homework-with-just-the-"t"-and-the-"e" Week, " please consider me.
Is that brilliant or what? It's like I actually had the chance to SPIN THE WHEEL and PLAY.
I didn't use the INTERVIEW to show off--I made the APPLICATION a second interview!
One that was perfect for showing off.
And when asked if I had ever been on a game show before(Jim suggested that should have been my opening line) I filled out the APPLICATION with details--including how Dick Clark would give backrubs to nervous contestants waiting in the winner's circle on "Pyramid".
The application asked if I had grandchildren, and instead of just not checking an "X"..I wrote that "my son only got married four days ago..give it time!"
(Although Evan and Michelle..please don't name my future grandchild "X" just because I have an overwhelming need for attention)
We finally were divided into groups of five to make our way into the small alcove to be interviewed by an enthusiastic staffer.
Myim and Ariana were in each other's group--not mine--but I'm rooting for them both to get to the next level because I'm an altruistic soul with kick-ass puzzle skills.
I was the first to be interviewed in my group, which means I have no idea whether the fellow applicants thought they'd want to emulate me..or be the total opposite of me.
Jocelyn took my application with all its flowery details and told me I had thirty seconds.
I used them wisely.
Now..this is not verbatim, but I said I was a "word nerd who once got a 383 point score for a single word in Scrabble.."mezquits"--and then I went on to tell her I owned a singing telegram company but I have a terrible voice, which she would be hearing nanos seconds later.
I begin, with just a touch of smarminess, "I even wrote custom lyrics for the theme show of "Wheel of Fortune", music by Merv Griffin. (again..bragging about my pop culture trivia prowess) I begin to sing: "Here come Ryan and Vanna/"Wheel" fans in Savannah/even in Butte, Montana..have spun!"
I told her I had a whole other verse: "Spin the Wheel/with luck, it might reveal/a special prize..you'll squeal "look what I've won!")
The thing is, I didn't use the second verse because I knew my time was up, and Jocelyn said, "you had ten more seconds--which you used up explain why you thought you were running out of time."
So..was that adorable.. or am I toast?
Time will tell..
I either aced the interview, which means I'll by flying out to Sony Studios with some guests in a few months or so and have something new to add to the "Happiest Day of My Life List"-- or I'll just be that annoying old lady in the bright green shirt who gave everyone a headache.
Either outcome is one hundred percent likely.
I was the only person in my group who shook Jocelyn's hand..and I cheered for everyone else in my line as they tried to sell their life stories in thirty seconds and no, I didn't ask any of them if they cheated on the application by sneaking in facts you'd hear in the interview, although that sounds like something I WOULD do.
Wish me luck...and it's only 365 days until the next September 18th!
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