Six seven

​Welcome

And…. We’re back! 

Back where we belong, on an overcrowded cruise ship with a thousand kids and tens of thousands of tattoos.

We’re back on the massive Icon of the Seas, the western route this time, but at this point, I’d cruise to Outer Mongolia if it meant avoiding  those ten to twelve  inches my friends at home are getting.

What a way to bid adieu to my sixties and warmly embrace my seventies!

Or as the hip kids say: “six SEVEN!”

Right.. like I understood the reference before “South  Park.”

 I barely  understood the awfulness of Kristi Noem before  “South Park.”

I will be celebrating my birthday for the week and the rest of the year, because I absolutely love the fact that I’m seventy and ornery AF.

We’re here with dear friends Allan and Suzette, and he just turned seventy last Monday, only he’s not as annoying as I am. 

I have to show him the ropes.

First Allan, you complain that the soup is lukewarm. Then you talk about how the government is ripping you off

A septuagenarian in the elevator was enthusiastically telling her husband that she couldn’t decide which water slide she wanted to try first, while Jim and I bitched that Medicare no longer covers Telemed appointments.  

Not all geriatrics are created equal.

We have a much smaller room this time.. no balcony but there’s a big window, and less bathroom shelving for all my bright and shiny amber vials,but I’m in a warm climate with warm, fun people, so no more petty complaining.

Until  I do.

Unless my luggage still hasn’t been delivered yet. 

I had to walk barefoot to the pool, and all sanitizing stations were for hands only. So I’ll let you know if something other than my crankiness is contagious. 

Suzette, bless her heart, got us moved from a noisy table on the third deck to a (hopefully ) quieter one on the fourth for the rest of the week. We had very attentive servers( which we hope to  clone for the remainder of our stay) and lots of delectable menu items.. finally had a little bit of an appetite.

The headliner tonight could do things with balls that I could never do, even if I had them, which some people reading this blog will insist I do. 

Lots of double entendres and lots of double jointed moves.. highly entertaining for our  first night on the deep blue seas. 

We’re now seated in a cabaret type club, waiting for “sixty seconds or less” which will hopefully start any minute. 

The game, quite frankly, is a little silly. First, four kids of various ages went on stage to flip a number two pencil off of the back of  their palm, trying to catch them with an open fist. The more pencils you grab, the better the prize. Then they get four adult “volunteers” to perform the same trick, one a trained seal who wanted a Royal Caribbean cap could do just as well.

Now,if this emcee asked for volunteers with acute acid reflux, and prizes were awarded based on how  many audible belches they could produce  in sixty seconds or less, I’d be the proud owner of a Volvo by now.. or at least, an RC keychain 

The next challenge involved  stacking cups into pyramids. I’m not interested in a game like these kind of idiots. I’m only interested in idiots who say “I’d like to buy a vowel” when the category is   “proper name” and the answer is something like “Yoko  Ono”  and only the “O” is missing and they try to buy an “A.”

The entire cabaret is laughing hysterically.. I think I was born without sense of humor, because I don’t laugh at twerking and cup stacking.

I’m so tired that I think my earlobes fell asleep, but I just wanted to add ( to a possible future archive) how much we loved the Dueling Pianos( autocorrect tried to make that “ dueling paninis”) and three hilarious and diverse comics.

Let me get my beauty rest… which should take approximately ninety eight hours.. and I’ll spill some more tomorrow