Mom.. take it easy on the entertainment industry

"No Mom, this is not THE phone call, the one we have every February 13th to acknowledge your last day on Earth--that'll come next month."

No, this is a quickie call, as I imagine how  you've decorated those heavenly  gates with a lot more than just pearls--I can just picture your handiwork as I type this. 

 I bet  you've recycled old birthday cards by cutting out birds and flowers and balloons and sloppily gluing them onto any surface that would have them.  You were always Martha Stewart--if Martha Stewart was on a tight budget, so I'm sure you've spruced up those pearly gates like you spruced up toilet tanks and closet doors when you were still with us.

So happy birthday, but I have to ask you and the yentas you're hanging out with:

WTF???

We're less than two weeks into the new year, why are you folks inviting SO MANY people to join you? 

 Are you printing hand-made invitations with stunning calligraphy that gives them major FOMO if they decline?

Are you promising a live band, made up of icons like David Bowie and Elvis? 

 Will those bacon-wrapped hors d'oeuvres be kosher??

You're luring them with SOMETHING, I just can't figure out what it IS, but we'll discuss it when I call you next month.

First you took Betty, which I guess I get..you all needed to thank her for being a friend.

But a few days later, you grab Peter Bogdanovich?  What's Up (with that,) Doc??

And then..then you gotta take Dwayne Hickman?  Did all of  his many loves encourage you to do so?  Did they want him at the party. or were the hot girls just hoping for a Dobie hook-up?

Marilyn Bergman I could understand..You needed to know "How Do You Keep the Music Playing?" and you needed to talk to her about "The Way We(You??) Were"..fine, I get that.

But Sidney Poitier??  Really?  Did you promise him a gorgeous view of lilies in the field or something?

Did you have some sort of "Unfinished Business" with Ronnie Spector?

All I know is, I don't want to be contacted anytime soon by Bob Saget, with his need to share with me "How I Met Your Mother."

Maybe one day I'll want to know the details, but not quite yet.

Keep on decorating, keep on partying, but please, take it easy with the VIP guest list!!

(we'll talk next month... )