The phone call

"Phone Call"  Act I-Scene I-Morning. Present Day. 

Mom:  (sing-song voice)  Hello?

Me:  It's me..there it is! That voice I haven't heard in six years

Mom:  What's wrong?

Me: Nothing's wrong.  Why do you always assume something's wrong?

Mom: I hear it in your voice.

Me:  From the afterlife?

Mom: Is everything OK with Jim? Evan?

Me:  They're FINE, Laurel..You might have given me life, but Jim has "given me life." We celebrated our thirtieth anniversary last fall with a trip to LA and Hawaii, and we're going on an island getaway soon.  Evan's moving into his own apartment next month..everyone's fine.

Mom: I miss these updates like you used to give me when I was alive, but I still hear something in your voice.

Me:  Post-nasal drip?  That's from all that &*%#)*%& second-hand smoke we were exposed to growing up.

Mom:  Oh. (BEAT) I thought we weren't going to bring that up

Me: I wasn't going to..but yeah, I'm still mad that I lost you AND Daddy to smoking. I made a New Year's Resolution to...

Mom: Give up sugar? Go to the gym?

Me: No Mom..I made one I can stick with. I promised myself to try to write something original on a regular basis.  Sure, I could have started with, "I can't believe it's been SIX years"..but everyone says that.  Everyone expresses disbelief about  the passage of time.I wanted to be different from everyone else who is marking a milestone and missing a love one.

Mom:  Oh..what's that beautiful music I hear in the background?

Me: That's the theme music from "Out of Africa"..I play it all day long for comfort. Remember we used it as the music for my wedding processional?

Mom:  I was too busy crying--and missing your father--and trying to get ring bearer Scott to hold the pillow the right way.

Me: It was gorgeous music then and it's gorgeous music now.  Remember the great job Jim D. did, coordinating everyone?

Mom:  Oh..Jim!  How is he?  He was such a loyal friend.

Me:  And still is.  He and Larry are still an amazing couple.  Jim just wrote a children's book!

Mom:  I do remember that music, now that you mention it. Aunt Ruby was kvelling..Wasn't Stephanie an adorable flower girl?

Me: She was! And she was determined to carry that last remaining leaf all the way to the chuppah.  She has three kids of her own now!

Mom:  Kenohurreh..pooh! Pooh! Pooh! Can you turn up the volume on your stereo?  I want to hear too

Me:  Mom..nobody listens to stereos anymore or talks on a wall phone.

Mom:  I do!

Me: I asked Alexa to play the music from "Out of Africa" and she did

Mom:  Who is Alexis?

Me:  Alexa..never mind..but if you learned how to use her, you would have loved her.  She would have been great company.  Much better than some of those biddies who lived in your building.

Mom: OK..so everything really is OK?

Me:  Well..not really..Donald Trump is still the President...

Mom: Now I KNOW this isn't a dream. Donald Trump would be the President of the United States over my dead body!

Me:  Hah! You'd never say that!

Mom: But you, my darling daughter, would. I miss your black humor. How is Luke? Is he still destroying your home?

Me:  We're not getting rid of him.

Mom:  I didn't tell you to.

Me:  Yes you did..in your own passive aggressive way. OK..I have to call a customer..

Mom:  Oh??  You still have the business? I was worried...

Me: ..and I want to watch Joe and Jill Biden on "The View" later. (BEAT) Hey..do you have any power up there?  Any influence at all? Is prayer real? If so, can you send some positive energy to Pete Buttigeig and Amy Klobuchar?

Mom:  Who are they?

Me:  Our next President and Vice President. Bye Mom! Say hello to Dad and Aunt Ruby.

Mom:  I love you

Me:  I don't say it back enough..but you know in my own way I do..Miss you all!

Mom:  So again..nothing's wrong?