You know when well-meaning folks say things like, "well..it's not as bad as the pandemic of 1918--at least we have telephones, cable TV, internet access.."
Well, screw those people and screw YOU, Isaiah!
You messed with the wrong Karen.
(Yes, I know that's not your name, but that's how I'm saying it, because your name is ridiculous. It's impossible to pronounce.)
Really??
FOUR syllables in a six-letter word?
If I drew those letters in a Scrabble game, I'd have a huge vowel movement and start all over with a new rack.
You see, Isis, we were ALREADY IN a crisis because of Covid and racial unrest and the Blight in the Whitehouse.
We have no choice BUT to shelter in place. (Covid's doing, not Trump's)
It was fine. Well, not fine but bearable, because we had a pristine pool and cable TV and telephone service.
We were managing, thank you very much.
Unlike some of our poor schnook neighbors, we weren't sweltering in place, but..
I am still so pissed!!
We were binge-watching the (WONDERFUL!) series, "Unbelievable"(we both admitted to crushing on Merrit Weaver--why haven't I seen her stuff?) when we got what would be our last telephone call for fifty-two hours, from our dentist's receptionist who asked if it was OK to have another dentist do the actually exam because ours would be out.
I've waited over two months for this appointment..it was on my calendar where VACATION PLANS should be..so yes, it's OK to have a stranger in my mouth.
Anything to ward off a premature need for dentures.
It was drizzling as we ate lunch, eagerly waiting our chance to return to Merrit Weaver, when I remarked that the storm's coverage, as usual, was way overblown
Well, thank GOD, Isaiah or Isis or whatever the hell your name is, that Jim had the wherewithal to notice the generator was not working and had it serviced just ONE day earlier, because if we had lost the AC on top of everything else, there would have been a casualty.
(Most likely, my hair and the Brazilian Keratin that was already on its way out after a moth)
If you're reading this, then get a life, but also, realize the Internet IS back(for now) because my rant was originally written illegibly on Post-its.
Jim went for his usual walk, calling my seldom-used cell from dead zones, so I had no idea what was going on with him or the rest of the world.
Was there another Celebrity Death Alert? If the storm happened just DAYS earlier, we would have missed Wilford Brimley's obit, which I thought happened years earlier?
Here's the rub:
SOME of our neighbors HAVE power!
Not the GOOD neighbor, Tami. She's my link to sanity but she's already moved, and the new folks haven't moved in yet, but I'm sure the single Mom's six year old son will pee on the fence we share or play the tuba 'til 4:00 AM.
No, the WACKY neighbor had power.
He's the one who complains about our noisy generator even 'though he runs his lawn mower twenty four seven, especially right before pool parties. (Remember them?)
Whenever we tell a stranger what street we live on(which we shouldn't be doing) they'll always say, "Oh..I hope you don't live anywhere near those NUTS!" and we have to hang our heads and whisper, "right next door."
We used to have a running joke about him in 2012, during SuperStorm Sandy, when thieves were rumored to steal generators while home owners slept and replaced them with lawn mowers, and we'd say, "Warren steals lawn mowers and replaces them with generators."
So thanks a lot, Isaac, for the fifty two hours of no neighbors to talk to(that part's not your fault) no phone, spotty cell phone service, no regular dentist, no reliable hairdresser(again, not your fault but I'm on a roll) no new "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" or no new "The View" or no new "Jeopardy!"
And no Alexa!!
Do you know how hard it is to cook a four course dinner with no Alexa to time everything, especially when you forgot to defrost the chicken breasts?
It could have been worse.
We still got NETWORK TV(in August, with reruns) and we saw a news clip where a couple from northern NJ said: "what are the odds of not one but TWO trees falling on a car you've only owned for a month?"
We still have only generator power, which doesn't work outside, so we can't use the pool that Isaiah littered without a filter or vacuum.
We couldn't use the phones for 52 hours to tell people we know that we were OK, even though I was NOT OK,
I needed to curse out telemarketers, damn it!
We can't even go to the beach, because the storm caused undercurrents that were so strong that we'd be swept away in the parking lot.
Yes, I know, I know..first world problems..
But for today, Isa, I am KAREN, hear me roar!
And let me speak to the manager
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