Gator-Rama

Both of us are in agreement:.

Today's excursion  to Cajun Swamp Adventures was the highlight of the trip--and certainly the most fun adventure of them all.

Our guide on the bus promised we were going to  see more alligators then we could count on ten fingers, and I wondered if some of use would even HAVE ten fingers by the end of the trip.

It was bright and sunny today, so the gators wanted to just veg on rocks and drink it all in..you wouldn't?

Our big ole' bear of a guide, Brian, (who I'll call Bubba Bubba for..you know..continuity) was hilarious and fun as heck.

He told us that Louisiana has probably one million gators, and that Florida might have three times that, but nobody knows for certain, 'cause "if they can't count votes in a Florida election, how's they gonna count gators?"

He also explained that swamps are underground forests, while canals and bayous are waterways.

Pay attention.

There will be a quiz.

Bubba Bubba  answered a few more questions and loaded up our pontoon boat, starting  our animated journey through the marsh.where he fed the sunning gators.. MARSHmallows.  

(I kid you not..the gators love 'em..the bobbing white fluffiness makes them a treat to fight for.  I wonder if they're tempted to down them with ...GATORade?)

Okay. 

 I'll stop.

The gators loved the marshmallows and didn't even demand graham crackers or chocolate to go with them, as I would have.

OK.

This time I mean it.

I'll REALLY stop.

We saw exotic birds and snapping turtles and a family of very busy raccoons, plus a group of wild boars who looked like they were getting ready for a bachelor party.

(They scared the crap out of me)

We were told the story of the legendary Julia Brown, who practiced either voodoo or was a misunderstood woman of  alternative medicine.  The town turned on her and she turned on them..or at least, that's how the story goes when a flood came the killed so many people and crops shortly after her death.

Bubba Bubba told us just how scary yellow fever actually was(we've been hearing about this disease all week) and sometimes, it was impossible to tell if the victim was alive or not, so they were buried anyway, and provided with bells to ring in the middle of the night just in case they hadn't turned into corpses yet.

I'm sure the sound attracted wild boars, but I don't want to think about that.

  The story is scary enough on its own.

Bubba Bubba explained the difference between alligators(who are brown or even black) and crocodiles, who are green and "never seen" in these parts of the woods.

As soon as he says this, someone on board spots a lone shoe floating in the muddy swamp.

You guessed it.

It was a Croc.

I'm sure someone planted it there, I just wonder why it hadn't been consumed by now by a raccoon.

Bubba Bubba pulls into a secluded spot, talking about how young gators rarely make it to adulthood, how the predators get them, and then what's he do?

He shocks the stuffing out of all of us...by taking out the six inch gator he had been keeping under wraps this whole time.

We screamed, and then we laughed, and then he decided to pass around the gator for photo ops, with a bottle of hand sanitizer being passed  around shorty after.

I ask what the gator's name was, and Bubba Bubba tells me it's Louis, and then everyone was addressing him by name, cooing and cuddling and sweet talking him like he was a  chick in their grandson's Easter basket.

Louis was sweet and docile and loving it..until he was handed to me.

I cannot explain this.

I was not squeezing the damn lizard or mistreating him in any way whatsoever, but Louis  kept thrashing it's tail wildly.  He was clearly agitated, and Bubba Bubba scooped him up before the last few passengers ,who didn't get to touch him. could get a photo op.

We got our photo  before Louis became so inexplicably crazed.

"He's just stressed" says Bubba Bubba. "I don't know what's eatin' him, but the next group ain't touching him"

He embarrassed me in front of my fellow passengers, I expected him to drop some bodily fluid on me.

(Louis, not Bubba Bubba)

Later, I say to Jim, "Louis knows I'm on to him.  He knows that I know he's not plain old "Louis"..he is  a descendant of Louis Vuitton. And I'm sneaking back to get him tonight and I'm gonna turn him into a pair of shoes..Somebody's going to be very happy this holiday season!"

As  if we weren't  lucking out enough on this trip with it's ideal weather and life changing excursions and immaculate rooms and scrumptious meals so beautifully served, tonight's entertainment is the final one.. a salute to Elton John!

Jim is so happy..he's his favorite singer of all time.

You can bet we'll both be "Crocodile  Rockin'!"