March madness

Hola amigos!  Happy spring break.  Time to check into the naked ping pong tournament.

 (Karen-speak for "nap time")

Wow! 

 Next time you fly, fly the friendly skies of..whatever the hell our airline was called. Viva Areobus I think?  And by friendly, I mean size friendly..comfortable seats, ample aisles, tray tables that don't try to kill you, and seat belts..seats belts without any discrimination. And so uncrowded that we had the entire aisle to ourselves. (Don't tell the other passengers, because I think I secretly willed the plane to stay on the tarmac, adding  those extra 52 minutes..it felt like a vacation being on a plane like that.)  The flight attendants were hostile and the snack was basically potato-chip flavored salt, but oh man, if this is how Mexico treats their visitors, I'm moving here..not even a wall is gonna stop my bad-assed self.

I have not seen my iguanas as of yet, so I can't tell if they're rocking the thigh gaps.  I also haven't seen Abba Song, and no, I'm STILL not revealing his name even 'though I don't think he works here anymore.  

Abba Song, our entertainer friend from when we were here in 2015, was the guy who painted cat faces on kids carrying balloons by day, and seduced married men by night.

Beg all you want, I'm not spilling unless you threaten to do something spiteful like go public with my "Ode to a Yeast Infection" song. Then I'll sing like a canary.

Club Med Cancun is gorgeous..much nicer than the first Club Med we went to as a couple , in 1991, ion Hualtulco, Mexico, now closed.

I'm guessing it closed because of a guest named Maria, who, in 1991(before camera phones) took off her bra in front of the entire dining hall and poured beer into a glass with her bare boobs.

I pulled the same trick with Jim back in the room, but with a water bottle..

BEER??  I'm not an animal!! Gross!!

As I attempt to avoid the BUB label(Brutally Untalented Blogger for those who need a refresher course in Acronym 101 at Karen Amster U.) let me tell you that I finally cracked open my long neglected Kindle and am really enjoying "Little Fires Everywhere" which takes place in Jim's hometown of Shaker Heights Ohio.

Jim already said my great new COMFORTABLE  bathing suit(hand-picked by fashionista Tami) is a little too revealing, even 'though it fits PERFECTLY..

Maybe I should try to manipulate a water bottle and pour him a  stiff one when he returns from his walk.

This room is considered one of the top ten of the resort, and it absolutely takes my breath away.  We have a gorgeous view.  Our bed is not a Willie Nelson.  (meaning "too high")  We have our own sinks.  Our own closets!

The concierge asked us, what kind of scent would you like for your shower today?  Forest?  Lavender vanilla?

I was going crazy..I never had a  SHOWER SCENT menu before.  I was thinking of the shower called the "Coca Cola" but then I thought, "nah..it's going to attract bees and maybe iguanas because it's a FLAVOR!"

So I chose... vanilla.???

 If you were a stinging wasp, would you be particular about your next fix?  Wouldn't vanilla accomplish the same goal as coca cola?

So far, I haven't showered at all.  I'm too busy complaining.

We ate at this open air restaurant, exclusive to this part of the resort, and felt a little Hitchcockian. 

 Not that I particularly enjoy going over old  blog material, but when we were here in 2015, we ate at the same restaurant, and a chicken-like bird attacked my egg omelette when I stepped away, prompting met say to Jim, "and there's the answer to the life long question..the egg was there first!"

Jim is a brutally honest lunch date.  He says, Karen, "you have some smudge on your face."

I respond:  "Where?"

He answers, "on your face."

We could have done this all day. 

 I dabbed a napkin in the melted ice and started with my right cheek.

"Nope.on your face"

(And in case you were wondering, I started with my right FACIAL cheek.  Then the left.  Then the chin.)

He kept answering, "on your face!"

This, by the way, was not some sadistic riddle he was forcing me to figure out.  This was just Jim being Jim, pre-occupied with  basketball's March Madness on his phone.

When it looked like I was going to douse him with the remains in the water glass, he finally cleaned the smudge.

Oh..and be forewarned: They gave us a scented shower, a size friendly bed, a bathtub that could hold a school of whales, a gorgeous ocean view, a great location..

But guess what else?  They left me a still-in-the wrapper blank book..a journal for every snarky thought that enters my warped little mind.

Tonight we're supposed to dress in black bottoms and colored tops, which sounds racist and isn't supposed to.  And then there's a trapeze show.

I want to get a front row seat in case any of the female  acrobats try to pour beer from a body part other than her hand