When I’m 64

OK, OK..I officially turn 64 tomorrow, so let's try to acknowledge that without the cliche of singing the Beatle's song.

And I don't mean "Help!"

If you sing it, I might have to say what my brother-in-law says  to everyone who  makes a "hamster" remark after hearing our last name and say, "wow..you're the first person who ever went there!'

The lyrics to the song have always bothered me.

I'll never question Jim's love and fidelity if I lose my hair.

I won't wonder if we'll still exchange Valentines, because we haven't done so in years.

I don't care about a bottle of wine, and if I come in the house at a "quarter to three" , it'll most likely be after an ER visit, and he'd be with me.

And of COURSE I'd lock the door!!  Who wouldn't??

Also, if we're still scrimping and saving at age sixty-four, we'll have bigger problems than mending fuses or digging weeds.

 Vera, Chuck, and Dave sound like the names of entitled 30-somethings, not grandbabies to bounce on arthritic knees.

OK..I'll stop.

But not before I attempt to be creative and prevent all the parodies with my own:

Now that I'm older/check out that gut/in the present day/Will you still be takin' me on fancy trips?/Fancy cakes might stay on my hips!/If I get flaky/losin' my keys/let's blame menopause!/will you still drive me?/Will you survive me?/I'll guess "yes" because/...you have been a loyal mate/through thick and thin/I think that's great!/you tolerate SO much crap!/('cause I'm not a J.A.P.?")/We'll still laugh 'til we're on the floor!/When I'm sixty-four!/ Greeting well-wishers/deluged with mail/I'll check every one/you will fetch my glasses like a good mate will/you'll remind me: "Girl..take your pill!"/will I still feed you?/You bet I will!/Chicken parmesan!/Will I still need you?/why, yes indeed! You../Prove that life goes on!