The Phone Call Revisited, Episode 3
The time: Present Day
The Place: Suburbia and.....???
Act I, Scene I
Fade in
We meet up once again with our protagonist, KAREN, barefoot and bra-less, her everyday attire. She shuffles to the fridge and takes a swig of Diet apple green iced tea straight from the jug before returning it to the shelf. She returns to the recliner in the cozy den and picks up the remote control. She doesn't get the chance to use it 'though, because the telephone rings.
There is no need to check the Caller ID.
She knows exactly who is calling; only their location remains a mystery.
Today marks nine years since she last heard her mother's voice, still raspy, weakened by disease that was her undoing, still with its trademark sing-song lilt; still with the tiniest trace of a Boston accent that she never lost, even after spending nearly seventy of her eighty-five years in Philadelphia..
KAREN picks up on the fourth ring.
KAREN: Hi Mom
MOM: We've been trying to reach you. (THERE IS A PAUSE AND A GIGGLE) to discuss the extended warranty on your auto insurance
KAREN: (SCOFFS) Let's leave the comedy to the professionals who..actually drove cars when they were here
MOM: Just trying to get your attention...
KAREN: You've succeeded. (BEAT) How's Dad? He knew the Eagles were in last night's Super Bowl, right?
MOM: He talked about it all day! Sandy's here. All dogs wind up here, it seems, and they all want Daddy's attention. He reminded him of the time he attached a green and white ribbon to his collar when the Eagles were in The World Series..
KAREN: That was in 1981, and it's not baseball, it's football, and...never mind.
MOM: He's been crying all morning.
(ASIDE TO AUDIENCE: KAREN winks because she wrote that particular line before the game started, knowing either outcome could be appliedl)
MOM: (CON'T) How's Jim? Evan?
KAREN: Everyone's fine. (BEAT) You'll never guess what I've been doing constantly for almost a week now. I've been watching(MOM CUTS HER OFF MID-SENTENCE)
MOM: Home movies. I know. I've been watching you watch. I have an amazing view, there's nothing I don't see from here. (BEAT) And would it kill you to use a tumbler instead of drinking iced tea from the carton?
KAREN:Yes, I'll use tumbler. Maybe I'll use it next time I'm in someone's office and want water from a bubbler.
MOM: Stop making fun of me.
KAREN: I'm just getting started. Didn't you hear me on the videotapes? I was merciless!
MOM: I remember Jim used to schlep that heavy camera everywhere. He always managed to get embarrassing situations on tape, like when someone pooped in the kiddie pool at the water park where you threw Evan's third birthday.
KAREN: He took everything off of the camcorder and converted it to..Nah..not going to explain it. It took me a while to understand the technology. It'll take you an eternity.
MOM: I'm in no rush.
KAREN: My whole life is viewable in one place now! (BEAT) Well..the good part of it, anyway. The important part, where I traded dead end jobs and obnoxious relationships for marriage and motherhood and self respect. The tapes show show a happy Karen!
MOM: And such a pretty me. I looked just like Elizabeth Taylor.
KAREN: What did people do before technology? Did they capture memories only by perusing diaries written in barely legible cursive? Did they look at fading photographs?
MOM: Ours were so disorganized. Jammed into every drawer in the house..You never needed to look at old pictures. Your memory was always razor sharp, dear..I love watching the videos, 'though. I can't believe I was still alive!
KAREN: I can't believe that I was still alive. (LONG PAUSE) The tapes don't lie..but where is that Karen who decorated cookies with her four year old son? Who rounded up all the Moms she met in pre-school and led their kids in a round of hokey pokey?
MOM: I guessed she turned herself around...
KAREN: Stop breaking the tension with dumb jokes. I was fun, Mom! And artistic, and thoughtful..what the hell happened to me? Huh Mom?? Mom?? Are you still here? Mom?? Hey Mama..Hey Mama..
MOM: (giggling as she hums along to the "Hairspray!" tune) Welcome to your sixties!
KAREN: Sixty SEVEN!! Effin' sixty-SEVEN, Mom!
Mom: So? So what? You're still youthful in so many ways. You're still you, writing stuff about TV shows you watch.
KAREN: I was SOOooo animated in those tapes. I was a fun wife. A cool Mom. A loyal friend.
MOM: And a daughter who wouldn't stop picking on me...
KAREN: Oh c'mon..you deserved it sometimes. You spent an entire week with us in Florida when Evan was two. You saw that familiar trident sign everywhere..that was Club Med's logo and when we're ready to leave, you pointed it out to Evan and told him it was a menorah!
MOM: I was hoping to attract more Jews.
KAREN: Jim even filmed the day Evan was born. Scott and Marissa couldn't believe how tiny their new cousin was, and now Scott has kids of his own.
MOM: I saw and I'm kvelling! Family! Love! Memories! They give you such naches. They mean everything!
KAREN: I'm glad you're enjoying the videos, even when they show us fighting like cats and dogs. Or like dogs and dogs..Max and Gigi were always at it.
MOM: They still are. So what? So dogs fight. Moms and daughters fight. They fight. They make up. It's part of the package. (BEAT) You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both, and there you have..
KAREN: Don't sing! (BEAT) Or maybe..DO sing?? It's been nine years since you screwed up a TV theme song or misconstrued Broadway lyrics.
MOM: Keep singing, my darling daughter. And writing, even if nobody reads it. Keep on being the best Karen you can be.
KAREN: I'll try
MOM: Never apologize for being who you're supposed to be. Keep on fighting..but please, not with the family. That makes ME look bad. Keep on using your voice, the voice I only get to hear once a year now, on this anniversary.
KAREN: I promise. And I look forward to hearing your voice too, Mom. Same time, next year.
WE FADE TO BLACK OVER THE SOUNDS OF JOHNNY MATHIS CROONING THE OSCAR NOMINATED SONG FROM THE MOVIE WITH THE SAME NAME AS KAREN'S LAST LINE OF DIALOGUE
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