Congestion!
Chafing!
Crankiness!
Constipation!
But enough about what I have in common with Elvis Presley, my friends come here to experience a vicarious trip to Graceland, not to hear my petty and non stop complaints.
It's a challenge to try to capture in mere words and photographs what it's like to be at one of the most popular destinations in the world, but I'll give it the old college try.
The shuttle ride to the estate was short, sweet, and filled with singers miscontruing every lyric ever crooned by the King, but that's what made it FUN!!
I was impressed with how clean the grounds are, how hospitable the staff is, and how much it felt like a backlot tour of a Hollywood studio, but with more white satin and more pink cadillacs.
I learned everything I needed to know about him--his love of meatloaf and all comfort foods, his generous heart, his passion for football and fine jewelry. Each exhibit was its own entity, including the newest one dedicated to the Oscar nominated 2022 film. I loved seeing real scripts with notations from director Baz Luhrmann and authentic props, and I actually felt a little guilty because the movie didn't totally blow me away. Maybe in a less competitive year, I would have been hoping for an Austin Butler win.
The interactive stuff is always a hoot..I'm posing with Elvis in a shot that makes us look like we were in Hawaii together, while we both tried to camouflage our growing guts.
We saw fancy costumes and fancier cars; walls covered with inspirational quotes: movie posters and a semi documentary narrated by a very loving Lisa Marie.
As much as I loved touring all the museums and displays(while side-stepping the gift shops in every one of 'em) the highlight of the day for me, besides applying Cortizone cream when we got back to the hotel, was seeing where and how Elvis actually lived.
I've never seen the inside of a real celebrity's home before.
I saw the outside of the home where soul group Sister Sledge lived, because it was in my neighborhood, and I toured the castle at San Simeon, but only those of us who majored in journalism give a rat's behind about William Randolph Hearst and all his indulgences.
This was a first.
I liked seeing the inviting pool even 'though we were not invited to use it; the horse stables, the racquetball courts.
Upstairs is off limits..it would be insensitive for guests to tour the place where Elvis uttered his last words, but we enjoyed seeing the rest of the house, with all it's kitchy decor and it's 70's vibe.
I lived in a house like this in the 70's, before I needed a bra and before I had self esteem. It had a similar color scheme, though Graceland did not smell like Pall Mall cigarettes.
If you removed your head from your shoulders, (which Jim was tempted to do!!) you could get a photo of the guest bathroom, used by Vernon and Gladys Presley, with a wallpaper pattern filled with ...poodles!!! Can you get any more 70's than that?
You felt a little like you were in an Austin Powers nightmare, a Brady Bunch flashback with shag rugs on the walls and lots of dark wood paneling in every room.
Oh..and how did the chief cook and bottle washer in that kitchen every prepare the family dinner without feeling like they were on an acid trip? All that avocado and orange appliances would have had me spinning out of control.
The Memorial Garden was inspiring, with it's gentle waterfall and its sooth landscaping. What a nice final resting place for Elvis, his stillborn twin brother, Jessie, his parents, beloved aunt Minnie Mae, and now,sadly..his daughter and grandson.
I left the estate with two questions that only someone like me could possibly have the nerve to ask, if only to herself:
1) Why is the King's middle name sometimes spelled with two "As" and other times, only one?
2) Why is there so much attention given to January 27th, 1956, the day he recorded "Jailhouse Rock" (which is the movie we're coincidentally seeing tonight) when something just as important happened that day?
Yeah..Elvis might have left the building..but yours truly left the womb.
See you on the Mississippi, bright and early tomorrow
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