Up the Yazoo to Vicksburg

Welcome to Vicksburg Mississippi, home of rich history, antebellum mansions, culture, inspirational backstories, and, at least during this week, a boatload of cranky octagenarians paying a visit.

Look, before you'll get your granny panties in a bunch, let me preface by saying I hate ageism as much as I hate fattism, except in the case where comedic gold can be mined, and as a fat old lady, I've been doing a lot of mining ever since embarking.

American Cruise Line's "Melody" is spectacular.  

The rooms are spacious with ample storage, beautiful decor, and sun-drenched views of the rolling river from a private balcony.  

The gourmet meals have manageable portions: the staff anticipate your every need before you even realize you have those needs.

It's filled with love and perfection, and this week, civil war buffs who were most likely alive during the actual civil war.I

I was hesitant before we booked about strenuous excursions, in case I get a sciatica flare-up, but I am Usain Bolt in this crowd.  

I noticed the generation gap immediately after dinner last  night, in the River Lounge on the third deck, when the multi-talented pianist/singer/comic was taking requests based on home states. or names.  It made sense for the women in the room named Georgia or Virginia, not so much for we Garden Staters.

Curiously, one guy was nicknamed "Three Beer Breakfast" but I'll assume the pianist had his reasons for giving him that moniker..

I thought the Empire State would be best represented by Billy Joel or Broadway: the  NYguy was only calling country and vaudeville tunes.  I didn't want Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash--or--not exclusively them--but if I bitched, I chanced being whacked with a cane. 

Today brought us ideal weather, a scrumptious veggie omelette for breakfast, and lots to blog about, so bear with me.

We had a history lesson that was unlike any boring lecture you might have suffered through in high school--this guy knew his stuff, and even described how the Mississippi Flood of 1927 inspired Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks."

There was some confusion about the activity scheduled before lunch.  The  sheet said Bingo but cruise director Colin, who channels a little bit of Pete Buttigieg, decided to switch things up, since "Bingo and Burgers" is on tomorrow's itinerary, so today we  got to play one of our favorite party  games on any app, "Heads Up."

Jim and I play this fast-paced game whenever there's a gathering and we're pretty good--it's like charades for the pop culture set.  It brings on camaraderie and team work and laughter, but in this case, it brought on a crowd protesting crowd that I termed the "Grey Mutiny."

We came here for BINGO" they insisted.

"That's tomorrow" says Colin, 

"We came for BINGO" they persisted, and were shortly joined by a mob of polyester-clad protesters.

"Look" Colin pleads.."let's just try "Heads Up" for a little bit,,you can get a prize like a cap or a mug"

"WE CAME FOR BINGO"

Colin then ups ante and says there might be a prize with an alcoholic content, so they decided to give "Heads Up" a shot..at least, temporarily.

Do you remember that underrated CBS comedy, "B Positive" with Thomas Middleditch and Annaleigh(not "anally") Ashford, where her character  inherits a lot of money in season two and buys a seniors home?

I'm convinced most of my fellow passengers were extras on that show.

This version of "Heads Up" was mind-numbingly simple: no challenging categories..just regular  words that appeared on an overhead screen, but Jim and I were the only volunteers.  Poor Colin  desperately attempted to recruit staff members who were in the middle of lunch--the blank stares of the crowd were unnerving.

He offers:  "What if you don't have to guess?  What if you just act out the word on the screen and make our volunteers here, Jim and Karen, guess the word?"

"NO!" they shouted in unison, as 'though they were shouting "Bingo!"

I tried to get one brave soul to guess the name of a popular actress:  "She's British!  She died last year of old age!  She played Mrs. Potts and she was in Sweeney Todd and she was Jessica Fletcher in "Murder, She Wrote" and..c',om..you know her!"

He did not.

He did not know Angela Lansbury, who was young enough to be his daughter.

I give him another great clue on a new word by saying, "it's not SILVER...it's.."

"Drunk?" he responds, hearing "sober" instead of silver, which is why he didn't say "gold."

You know what though?  

By the end of the game, they were  actually trying, and we were celebrities, and one woman actually approached us and said, "you know, you don't HAVE to expose yourself when you play Bingo" to which I respond, "Oh yeah?  You never played Bingo with me B4!"

See what I did there?

And see how much time I wasted with this story when I should be telling you about Vicksurg?

We went up the Yazoo to actually get to this wonderful town..the Yazoo is an extension of the Mississippi, I wasn't being cheeky here.

We saw a wall of beautiful murals painted by local artists and then boarded our coach for our tour of this town, guided by the great great grandson of none other than Jefferson Davis himself, a wonderful speaker named Bertram Hayes Davis who, in case you're wondering, thinks the confederate flag should be a thing of the past.

We saw beautiful mansions with remarkable landscaping before stopping at Christ Episcopal Church, the oldest house of worship in the state. (circa 1839) The stained glass was magnificent and the stories, narrated by the rector, held our interest as 'though we werre seeing a one-man play. He talked about the old organs, which made me giggle and think about the men who tried to play "Heads Up" hours earlier, and he showed us a replica of an actual cannonball that hit the building during the Siege of Vickburg.  (The replica was a Christmas gift--the real one was stolen from the premises)

We were told about frenemies Jefferson Davis and Zachary Taylor, and residents of Vicksburg who lived in caves during the bombings. 

After the church, we took a short walk to the most liberal antebellum house in all of Mississippi, the Duff Green House which serves as a bed and breakfast and events venue. 

I stepped inside and felt like a Sugarbaker sister(even 'though "Designing Women" took place in Atlanta) and was overwhelmed with all the gorgeous furnishings and candelabras and chandeliers.

The scent was intoxicating and I told the home owner how pleased I was breathing it in.  She wouldn't give away the secret, but I'll try to describe it:

It smelled like heaven.  Fine, expensive wood and lilacs and happiness. You can google the Duff Green Mansion of Vicksburg to see what it offers as an antebellum house, but wiki can never capture that gorgeous scent.

I barely can.

We stayed mostly in the gentleman's ballroom and the ladies' parlor and were totally transformed to another era.

Jim was instructed how to escort me (with my left hand extended over his) from one room to another.  I should have been wearing a petticoat or hoop skirt instead of faded capris and a "Luke's Diner" Gilmore Girls t-shirt, but I still felt like Scarlett O'Hara.

I apologize for the length of this--but it'll take you less time to read than it took me to write, and I feel I have to capture these experiences on the written page ,since I am very grateful to be experiencing them in reality.

Jim is so glad he planned this trip.  He's a history buff, and he's enjoying the company of many ghosts from the past.

We're going to be really busy tomorrow as well.

After all, tomorrow is another day.