TMI

Morning: If you're not a fan of all things gross and icky, even natural things, scroll down.

I waited three days..three whole days for the damn Colace to kick in and where does it decide to do just that?

In the restroom at tiny Maui airport.

There's only about one quarter of our fellow travelers from Collette Tours who decided to go to Kona in the Big Island, and we're part of the ten.

I rush out of the plane to find a long line in the ladies' room..and signs indicating that  two out of the four toilets were  "out of order"

I was grateful to Jim for not taking his usual 10-15 minutes to reorganize his fanny pack, but it didn't matter..there was a line! With some travelers I recognized from the tour who were en route to the mainland! 

I weighed my options and thought: "I'm not going to ever lay eyes on most of these people again, I'm taking my good old time"

I can't use our bathroom euphemism, since many of you blog readers know who we've named this bodily function after, but suffice to say we made contact.

The women waiting in line were complaining like little old ladies served lukewarm soup at the deli.

"There are only two working toilets here..who does she think she is?  The Queen of Sheba?"

And talk about hogging the TP! 

You can't blame it entirely on Colace..I went to a LUAU last night. I sampled pig and pork and pineapple. 

NOW's the time for that goddamn bidet!!

I finally made my way to the air-conditioned gate, where Rick and Frank shared with me their concerns that I was kidnapped.

I told them that I WISH I had been kidnapped..it's not as embarrassing as having a Colace issue.

Frank is a retired pharmacist from Buffalo who informed us that Colace is pretty much made out of soap.  So when your Mama washed your mouth out with soap when you were a kid who cussed, think about that.

To make me feel more at ease, Rick shared a story about being on an airplane, and the restroom sign flashed vacant, and he opens the door to see a woman with her drawers dropped.  I think it may have scarred him for life. 

We laughed so much while waiting to board..Rick shared a story about mixing his driver's license with Frank's during security screening, and I told  them that Jim's lanyard read "Karen Amster."

Afternoon:  So much for the "relaxing" day.  At 2:45, we were still sitting at the pool bar, waiting for our room to be ready.  We couldn't use the pool because we couldn't pack sunscreen in a carry on bag.

All our fellow travelers had keys, but one couple shared that when they checked out the balcony, they found a stranger's bra and panties. 

I was getting really annoyed--I thought I'd have to  unpack at midnight and dine in my sweaty travel clothes. We made a dinner reservation with Frank and Rick at a chi-chi restaurant with a great view of the ocean at night, where boats would dock and lights were turned on and swimmers in snorkeling gear could await for the appearance on the majestical manta rays.

I hope we get into that room soon..and there had better be a bidet!

Evening:

Okay, all is forgiven and forgotten. 

Dirty clothes were rinsed and hung out to dry, clean clothes were unpacked.  This hotel has stunning ocean views and sparkling pools.  We enjoyed the hot tub and the general vibe.

The dinner was magical..our table had a fire pit in its center, and a wedding was going on in the distance, so we could hear all those great dance songs.  The place was elegant and romantic..Rays on the Bay in Kona, Hawaii.

We're enjoying our dinners and conversation with Frank and Rick and soon the manta rays came out.  They were huge and majestic.  Flat, graceful swimmers appearing on the surface of the well-lit Pacific ocean. We couldn't stop staring...

I suddenly see a weird movement on the rocks.

For the third time this week, I was unable to identify an ordinary house cat.

Off to see a volcano and other wondrous sites for the last full day of  our Hawaiian adventure.  This one should be very special and memorable.

And, if my prayers are answered, hilarious..