Hope you had a Mary Christmas

I lied.

The dead Dick Johnson was not my last mini movie review of the year.

Jim was planning on watching basketball with Evan, who visited us last night, so I was on my own for a chick flick. After a brief--very brief--search on "Rotten Tomatoes" I chose a chick-flick based on the title.

Do you remember  in 2017, when the Best Picture was announced at the Oscars, where Faye Dunaway totally screwed it up?

(of course you do, but I'm ranting so bear with me)

It took over two minutes for "La La Land" producer Jordan Horowitz to thank the Academy, giving a shout out to his wife, Julia Hart, and then he  visibly mouthed the eff word when a stagehand frantically relayed to him that  it was "Moonlight" that had actually won the coveted top  prize!

Embarrassing as that was, that was not Jordan and Julia's most humiliating Hollywood moment.

Writing, producing, and directing(Julia only) "I'm Your Woman" might be up there with the gaffe.

I'm exaggerating, it wasn't that bad, and I chose this because it had "Woman" in the title, thus I anticipated a romcom with a Katherine Heigl type but  who could actually act, like Rachel Brosnahan, the star of this movie, can.

Rachel was MARVELOUS(there I go with the contrived humor again) but the movie was weird and disjointed.

But all mob movies are watchable to some degree, and 'though this wasn't exactly "Goodfellas" it wasn't THAT bad.

There was one laugh out loud moment but it was an inside joke.

Actually, I thought it WAS going to be a comedy, but Jim, who had stopped watching basketball and joined me at the time, snapped , during a particularly bloody scene, "does this LOOK like a comedy to you?"

"Um...kinda???"

But there was this inside joke:

First some background:

I'm not the only family member who makes fun of Jim and his midwestern accent, Evan does too.  

He's always saying things like, "Dad"..say:  "Mary had a Merry Christmas" and we both laugh as he pronounces both words the exact same way

"You don't eat an acai "BARE-Y"..it's "berry."

"Nobody rides the Staten Island Fairy"

(there's a joke in there but I'm not going to make it)

In fact, just the other day, while watching "American Pastoral" I asked Jim several questions about Dakota Fanning's character, Mary, during potty breaks.

The entire cast called her Mary--co-stars Ewan McGregor and Jennifer Connolly called her Mary, clear as day.

In one scene, the character was referred to by her given name, Meredith,  and I thought "Mary" is a weird nickname for that, but Meryl Streep is really a Mary, (Mary Louise Streep) so ..maybe..??

Anyway, the movie ends and I'm reading the credits, and I read that Dakota Fanning played a character named MERRY, not MARY.

I asked Jim why he didn't correct me, that I asked questions about her throughout the movie, and he shrugged it off, saying, "You asked me something about Merry."

"I asked you Something About MARY!" I screamed.

It was Yanni/Laurel all over again.

Anyway, this rant is longer than usual, I know, but in last night's "I'm Your Woman", we see that Rachel's mob wife character, Jean, is on the lam and is forbidden to talk with anyone in her new digs.

She uses an alias when she (stupidly!) answers the door and meets a kindly elderly neighbor.

She says, "I'm Mary, and this is my infant son, Harry"

And the neighbor remarks:  (and by this time, I'm surmising it "might" be her undoing--no spoilers here!) "Oh..how cute..Mary and Harry!"

OMG!!

It wasn't cute!!

They don't RHYME!!

C'mon you  Rust Belt hayseeds, you know better!

Enough ranting, unless I see another bizarre movie today, which I probably will.

I should go shave my "herry" legs. They are "vairy" unkempt.

Maybe you all ring in a joyous New Year, and bid adieu to this disastrous one.

Which was made even worse if you share my name.

Which my Ohio-born husband has always pronounced "KEIR-in" so maybe the "Year of the KAREN" was never about my moniker in the first place .