The fourth flamingo..

I was way too tired to blog last night(and here I am, up at 7:00 so be prepared for the same opening tomorrow) The night started off weird.  Nights tend to do that when as you're leaving your room your husband says to you, "why does my shirt smell like a horse?" So even 'though you're jonesing for that Japanese hibachi dinner and fresh conversation with strangers(guaranteed to be from Chicago) you stop and sniff him and say"Well..definitely a petting zoo..not necessarily a horse" but still, there's a mystery that will remain unsolved. So Jim checks the voucher that the concierge Willy gave us on Day One and says, "nope..Surf and Turf tonight"..It was good we weren't sitting with strangers because one of them was bound to ask:  "does anyone else smell a horse in here or is it just me?" Oh..so Willy stops us en route and screams at me with delight, "oh..Miss Karen!  Miss Karen!" like this is 1960 and I'm hosting "Romper Room." Slick Willy, sweet as he is, made us stop and listen to his pitch and take some coupons and I think we accidentally signed up for a two hour time share presentation today.  It's not happening, of course.  I sacrificed the ocean yesterday because of the weather gods, I'm not repeating that today because Willy might save me twenty dollars if I book through him rather than the best travel agent in NJ, Christine Cherry Hommel. He looks at Jim with those charming little eyes of his and says, "a happy wife is a happy life, right?  I can get Karen thirty percent off on a beach bag" and we're both thinking that I need a new beach bag like I need more unwanted facial hair. I tend to bust chops a little when someone tries to talk time share. It's how I get my jollies.  Once, we had to go to one in Atlantic City because I won a raffle at a minor league baseball game and I knew I'd get a buffet dinner at a casino.  (Plus a free trip to a dumpy hotel in St. Pete's which wasn't exactly free)  The aggressive sales lady asked:  "wouldn't you just love to live in Atlantic City?" and I answer, "no..there's a reason I haven't been here in twenty years." Then she adds:  "Well, it's not just this time share.  How does strolling along a romantic beach with your husband in Italy sound?" and I reply: "it sounds like it'll trigger a sciatica attack."  She was not too pleased with me.  She finally shows me a picture of what an ordinary hotel room offers(bed, bureau, TV) in "Illustration A" and then what her condo would look like-bigger bed, full kitchen., flat screen TV in "Illustration B." She asks:  "Which one do you prefer?" and I answer: "Illustration A--I am a very simple gal" and then I blacked out, assuming she punched me, (But woke up in time for prime rib at the casino) Ironically, the time share she tried so desperately to sell was destroyed by Hurricane Sandy just a few weeks later, but WTF did we care--we got our potatoes au gratin.. Jim was very concerned after we left Willy's station and we only saw three pink flamingoes in the lagoon thing. (Damn you, auto correct!!) I WANT to say L-A-G-O-O-N-Y thing...why can't you indulge me just this once?  Jim was truly frightened that a flamingo had been eaten by the others. After the delicious dinner(where we were photo bombed by a waitress and the unflattering photo of me should have been titled "Surf, Turf, and Karen's Girth"(but I have no pride, which is obvious to anyone reading this) we sat on an abandoned ship with these Chicagoans, of course, who talked about everything from dachshunds to how good gas prices are in Illinois.  Jim listened attentively and for the first time in days I was wondering if I had caught that malaria  because I can't pay attention when conversations turn inane. Oh!  The show!!  Right!! (How in the world does ANYONE follow me??) Jim's eyes were transfixed on the stage, where the drummers were drumming and the pipers were piping, and the women wore colorful dresses and lots of fruit on their heads and would let out some primal screams along  with the singing and dancing.  I couldn't twirl the hem of my skirt like these women did, because I don't know where any of my skirts are.  But I misread Jim's face..he was exhausted too and ready to leave the show midway through..  All we missed were some high kicks and latin screams..maybe a patron or two who sat near us and said to their wife:  "There's a faint smell of horse in here." Willy is a great employee, as is everyone from the Iberostar.  A whole mess of them stood at the shoreline yesterday, rakes in hand in a very choreographed line as they loaded up a truck and the moved to Beverly..I mean..as they loaded up a truck and they removed seaweed.  (Sorry Ro) I need the ocean to be sparkling clean and seaweed free before I defile it with bodily fluids.  I will write later, when I'll hopefully have something to actually write about.  In case you're wondering, I too, am worried about that fourth flamingo.