What's Eating Karen Amster?

My husband, my hero..Saving Private Beach Chairs. I no sooner describe to you loyal readers the morbid details of "Celebrity Death Alert!" when we get to the beach and discover there has been one today. Jim warned me it would take a lot longer to guess than George Michael did on Christmas Day. With his amazing poker face, he says: "it's a name you definitely have heard of and she's known for a very specific movie--if you guess the movie, you'll guess the actress."  Oooh!!  Such fun!! So I ask all the great questions that a Master of 20 Questions would ask:  "did she play a criminal in this movie?  Was her love interest played by Ethan Hawke? Did her character die violently?" (Jim led me down the wrong path with that last answer, but I digress) I ask:  "We ruled out location, occupation, and favorite color, so is it important for me to guess an important physical characteristic of either the actress or the character?" He answers yes, and I don't know, I guess since the butler delivered that ice coffee with extra whipped cream a mere fifteen minutes before this conversation, I guess:  "Was there something about the character's weight that is significant?" He confirms and thank GOD nobody famous reads this blog, because you should of HEARD some of the fat actresses I was guessing.  He then gives me THIS hint: "there's something weight-related in the movie's title" and the first thing I say is, "Oh no.."My Big Fat Greek Wedding!"..Lainie Kazan died!!' So if you're reading this, Lainie, I apologize..you're not that fat but I'm still not sure if you're alive or not. Jim offers:  "I didn't say the word was "fat" per se" and I'm wracking my brains trying to think of a movie title that had the word "Obese" or "Zaftig" or "Pre-diabetic".  I guess:  "Does the title have the word "eat" in it?" and he smiles and I demand to know:  "Who the EFF was FAT in "Eat, Pray, Love"? and then I recalled reading that Julia Roberts gained seven pounds from all the consumed pasta in the scenes that took place in Italy, but if Julia had been the answer to "Celebrity Death Alert!" the whole resort would be abuzz. Jim is losing patience with me and hints that the word is only a FORM of the word "eat"so I guess "ate" and then "eaten" and I finally scream "EATING!!!" so loudly that nearby beachgoers probably thought the question was "What is Karen's favorite vacation activity?" In fact, Jim's earlier hint was that the activty was "something we had already done in the morning" but I couldn't think of a single movie title that even remotely mentioned "peeing in the ocean? "Also, this is a LIE because ONLY Jim ate breakfast on the balcony.  I drank coffee..that is NOT eating.  I have the same pet peeve with the ABC TV daytime exec who thought they were so clever and suggested"let's call our new show "The Chew" because it rhymes with "The View" and I'm thinking," I'm not watching the show on a day they make SMOOTHIES..gross! "Also, Jim had hinted that the character the actress played in the film didn't die violently, but they had to burn down Leonardo DiCaprio's HOUSE to retrieve his mother's corpse from a second floor bedroom!  RIP, Darlene Cates, but I asked Jim the same question I asked when we recently  played this and the answer was "Chuck Berry"..didn't that death happen a long time ago??  This beach is magnificent! Time to put down the snark pen and take another dip in the ocean.  (Euphemism for "I gotta pee") Late afternoon update: #Hashtag Sad! There was a cold rain most of the afternoon, but we just sat there like a couple of idiots, gazing at the turquoise water under the protection of a thatched umbrella, and yeah, describing a scene like that DOES give you the right to say STFU to me. I'm reading a great book inspired by "CastAway" and instead of wondering who the protagonost chooses, I can only wonder if there was a volleyball around. We came back from a very lukewarm(ooh..I miss my DOG!) hot tub when a guy who had been carrying a gun along the beach hours earlier approaches Jim with a bow and arrow and says: "I'm looking for Robin Hood." So he slung some arrows, quite poorly, and I blamed it on a delayed reaction from the Ben Gay in the air that caused his crotch to burn.  Because he's played archery before.My leg cramps are done.  One can't call them leg cramps,  They are more like violent attacks that last for eight to ten minutes, and you spend the whole time praying for a merciful death. So the cramps are gone, but then my hand started to weirdly lock up, like my pointer finger and thumb decided they wanted their independence from all other digits. Jim decides to be funny:  He says:  "doors. Vaults. Meryl Streep Oscar nominations.  Karen's extremities" and I say, "OK Dick Clark..things associated with the word "lock." You are usually a supportive husband but that was mean.  I hope the pink flamingos snub you tonight en route to our hibachi dinner and the Dominican show.