Cat-atonic

You know what they say.

Curiousity killed the...

Cat-loving movie goer?

I am not a cat lover, but I AM a desperate movie goer.

We weren't going to see anything--especially a movie that scored less than twenty-percent on Rotten Tomatoes. 

( We already purchased tickets for "Pain and Glory" and are saving "Little Women", and we weren't supposed to see anything, but then that damn newspaper gave a glorious review to the best diner in NJ, and it was a few minutes away from the cinema, so..when in Rome..)

(When  in Rome see ANYTHING but the movie "Cats.")

Let me be clear:  I would have NEVER seen this on a Saturday night, on a holiday, or  with my son, or with friends...

I only saw it because I was as desperate to see ANYTHING as Tom Hooper was to MAKE anything.

Every sCAThing review you've read is accurate..this was a CATastrophe. 

 It was so bad that it was HILARIOUS. 

 It was so hilarious that Jim practically coughed up a hair ball after I kicked him and whispered, "yeah..Jennifer Hudson can SING, but she won her Oscar for ACTING and she needs to return it NOW!"

His leg was shaking from boredom and he was disturbing my catnap. 

I woke up in time to realize how desperately I wanted to take a tweezers to Judi Dench's puss.

Some of the music was great, I'll give it that.  I don't know what a "Jellicle Cat" is and I'm not supposed to..I just know I loved the Randy Rainbow version, starring Kellyanne Conway with her "Alternative Facts."  

The movie jogged my "Memory" with that happy memory, but it also ruined feline films forever.

Like "Cat Ballou" and "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" and "Caturday Night Fever."

It really was a bigger bomb than the one "Richard Jewell" was accused of planting.

  (Now THAT's the holiday movie one should go see)

The CAST  of CATS should just  SCAT after ACTS like that.

Time to take out my frustration on a Scrabble player.

We are not cats--we don't have nine lives.

So don't waste the one we have on this movie.

Unless you close your eyes and listen to some of  the purrfectly pleasant hit numbers.

And I guess the choreography was good.