It's not that I didn't WANT to share my traveling adventures(if you call my 33rd trip to Woodloch, a resort just over two hours away from home "traveling") via a detailed Facebook post this week, it's just that I was too excited in the morning for the therapy session otherwise known as blogging.
I was too excited about the schedule that would be shared before 8:30 AM, I was too excited that I was sharing this Woodloch trip with not only my family but my BFF and her daughter, last minute additions who totally enhanced our enjoyment of the vacation, I was too obsessive every morning during the time that I usually set aside for blogging about whether post nasal drip was actually a lethal Covid case, or was it just mountain air that was literally messing with my head.
In our past six family getaways to Woodloch, I'd sit and blog on the laptop, on the southwest corner of the glass covered dining room table, while my brother Steven(the only other early riser) would brew coffee and chit chat and make sure our shared rental home was always clean and tidy.
Curiously, midway through the vacation(I think it was Wednesday night??) while five of us managed to get the impossible to get reservation in the dining hall on campus(I had to beg and plead for them to squeeze us in..I did everything but convince the dining hall manager that I had only six months to live)my brother and six more members of his crew were eating at that same table.
Nobody was anywhere near that south west corner, my typing corner, and no hot trivets were placed anywhere near it, but Steven described a sudden crackling sound that came literally out of nowhere that shattered the glass.
The maintenance guy(more on that in a second) blamed it on a minor earthquake, a not too infrequent occurrence in this part of the country(ours was the second shattered table in the area that week) but I blamed it on karma.
If I don't blog, I am crazy and frustrated, and I guess I was... crazier than usual.
Back to the maintenance guy...he comes to the rental home after 11:00 PM, inspecting the shattered glass in Karen's Corner, inspecting the obvious insanity in the room after those of us who were still awake played a hilarious game called "Heads Up."
If you think I'm descriptive in these blogs, you should have seen me demonstrate the phrase "cracking walnuts" without using words.
The maintenance guy decided it would be a two person job to lift that heavy glass, and he'd call in for a second set of hands in the morning , but that didn't mean he was allowed to leave the premises without being peppered with a million questions.
My nephew Scott wanted to know how long he worked there, and what was it like to live in the same development where we were renting full time, and how he's treated by the family that owns the resort.
My brother Steven randomly interrupted Scott's interview by asking him if he had a "freezer full of deer meat" which sent Jim into a frenzy of gut busting hysteria, because..who asks a stranger if they have a freezer full of deer meat?
Oddly, the same question was repeated to one of our favorite staffers, Thaddeus Ohocinski, the next day, who answered with an emphatic "yes!" without hesitation, mishearing the ridiculous question as, "do you have a freezer full of beer?"
To get back to what this blog is supposed to be about, WOODLOCH, well..it did not disappoint, even when the Monday night evening program, a Queen tribute band was cancelled due to some band members getting Covid(the show was an outstanding juggler instead) even when the activities that are usually in my wheelhouse("Scattegories" and "Broadway Name That Tune") were not scheduled this time, it did not..disappoint.
It was wonderful to share these summer camp experiences with my BFF Rochelle, who I met at a real summer camp in 1976.
That camp had bug juice and bed sheets that seemed to be made with discarded tissues, this camp had beautiful furnishings and gourmet dining and booths at the carnival that probably cost more than our combined salaries the summer we worked there.
She got to experience everything I've been obsessing about for decades..enjoying everything from kayaking with her beautiful and FUN daughter Briana, or playing a challenging game of disc golf with Jim and Evan.
She got to taste the wonderful soups and salads(with incredible blackberries in the dressing!) herself, instead of just living vicariously through my detailed descriptions.
She got to see how an innocently uttered remark said at the beginning of the week becomes an inside joke, where a line like, "don't make me throw this asparagus spear at you!" becomes a familiar catch phrase.
She got to see firsthand what all the excitement is actually about--how anyone who has ever played Bingo at Woodloch knows what "chicken legs!" mean..or how the phrase "number five is alive!" means the exciting horse races are underfoot.
I was a little hesitant to combine friends and family, but everyone clicked, and the only dirty laundry that was aired was my own bathing suit(s) drying on the porch.
I was teased mercilessly by staffer Big Tom(whose son Tommy was the winner of season 39's "Survivor") but I loved every minute of being the ultimate Karen.
We were so identifiable in those blue t-shirts(with white block printing) that read "Karen....Calm Down!) that didn't win us medals per se, but it got us a lot of attention.
I actually did win a medal..two of them in fact..for games I played on my own. I joined a team of strangers(who became friends for the week--that's what Woodoch does if you play your cards and your games right) by remembering that Marilyn Monroe died at age 36, or that the Nile, not the Amazon, is the world's longest river.
I also won a gold medal in "Wheel of Fortune" with a team that consisted of just me..and two grateful octagenarians, first timers who got to experience the joy of winning a coveted medal, thanks to yours truly, who..(and if you're reading this, Liz Santos, please jump ahead!..but whom am I kidding?? NOBODY is still reading this) got the gold with a little bit of..gulp..cheating!!
Liz and I met in March, for "Survivor's Weekend" and she appointed me as the rep on our team to enter the bonus round, where I blew the second question, something a "Wheel of Fortune" savant and movie buff should KNOW. I blogged about it in March, and agonized for days that our team got the silver instead of the deserved gold medal 'cause I blanked on "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."
So..(gulp..) I can't believe I'm confessing this... but our team "I'd Like to Buy a Vowel" won because the category was again "movies" and the answer was(once again) "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" and I waited until all the "C's" came up to look legit as I hit the buzzer.
My guilt was minimal..I should have gotten the medal for dreaming up such a creative team name.
That IS the only thing I recalled from March, but the devil and angel that make up my conscience were still debating whether or not the two octagenarians really deserved that medal, but screw it..team "I'd Like to Buy a Vowel" got the spotlight that they..that I..deserved.
I was a team of one(later joined by another single) for "Scrabble" later that day, calling my team name "K5..Calm Down!" which should have been called "I'd Like to Buy a Consonant" instead.
My teammate and I were very frustrated(she looked like "Seema" from "..And Just Like That") that we'd be playing against six teams, which meant even if you saw a good place to play your next word, it was taken by the time it was your turn.
Scrabble mavens like Seema (and me..the person who once got 383 points for a single play, "mezquits", hitting the triple word score twice) don't win medals and don't play very well when you cannot trade in your tiles, and your rack is something like six "I's" and the pound sign.
Okay..I realize by now that NOBODY is reading a blog this length..I'm not even going to proof read something this long, but there are a few more things I wanted to share,, which I should have shared daily in a shorter post on that cursed corner of the table.
Nothing made me happier than seeing my seven year old great niece Shoshana showing off the jewelry she just made, or seeing that smile on the face she just covered with the marshmallows she had been roasting on the open fire. Or her four year old brother, as he's finally of age to drive his own bumper car while regaling us all with his hilarious observations.
Or how he'd toss a slice of chopped banana(autocorrect made it sliced "baby" when I shared the story via text with Rochelle..not quite as funny!) to a porch squirrel, who actually knocked on our glass door for seconds
Even the wildlife become family here. I wonder if the deer that enjoyed Briana's bread eventually found the spear of thrown asparagus? He made me "throw a spear of asparagus" at him since he'd a vegetarian who should not have eaten a tossed dinner roll.
Even though Todd, , the always hilarious finance of my niece Marissa, could only stay for one night, he did his Todd thing, calling me "Kay Kay" and cracking us up every second we were with him.
I loved watched my nephew's wife Miriam earn carnival tickets in a jump rope contest with her delighted daughter, I loved watching my sister-in-law Jane enjoy herself in the pool or hot tub, earning some well deserved me time after all the work she put into making the vacation as stress free as possible for her crew.
(although it would have been hilarious if the petting zoo was scheduled again, just to see if she would repeat what she said to her grandchildren in 2021 en route to the pets: "Children..animals are filthy and disgusting and diseased..don't touch them " to which her granddaughter replied, "were going to a petting zoo!"
Even though we missed some of the Big Games, (family Olympics, Double Dare, Amazing Race) it was fun to see Evan perfect the art of walking on plastic lily pads during "Pool Games", or Jim just enjoying the beautiful setting while sipping on his morning coffee.
I think the biggest laugh of the week came during the one activity we all agreed to do as a family, the scenic boat tour which is scheduled only a few times a day. We posed for a photo on the dock in our notorious tee shirts, when boat driver Tom told us the boat that was ready to depart(it was three quarters full) could take on a few more passengers, and he asked Jim to give him a number.
Jim yells from the dock, "Can you fit twelve of us?" and the look on the driver's face was priceless as he replied, "did you see "Titanic?"
I think I've spent more time blogging today than I actually spent doing Woodloch activities.
I promise: When I go on my Alaskan cruise I'll update daily.
No glass tables will be shattered, no brains will be taxed.
I will simply..share...and make the blog..readable.
I'll also try to convince everyone to go to the magical place called Woodloch Pines.
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