Wednesday afternoon
It takes an open mind, a wonderful excursion, and a supportive husband who laughs at my jokes and slathers soothing healing cream on my painful knee to turn me into a nice person.
At least, for now.
The morning lecture came courtesy of David Steven , who’s like Bill Nye the Science Guy,imitating John Corbett’s character from “ Northern Exposure” ,while tripping on acid and gesturing wildly.
He talked about otter hair and the less desired beaver hair and immediately followed that information with talk about “men in boats.”
I could find sexual innuendo in a national tragedy and often have.
While David was polishing his audition tape for “America’s Got Space Cadets” ,we had a quick lunch and boarded the coach bus in Kalama, Washington, ( and yes, of course I got all dyslexic and pronounced it like the veep)
On purpose.
We were on our way to see the majestic Mt. Saint Helen, on a winding road peppered with April snow banks, that would lead us to her, who looks like she just had a field day with an exploding can of vanilla frosting.
Our guide, Katelyn, was very informative and told us all about what the state of Washington is famous for.
She said wheat, I heard weed, so I guess the truth was unveiled either way.
She talked about corn and soy and shaved logs that anger hungry termites/ insects, and then she talked some more about the mountain and the explosion that killed fifty seven people in 1980.. telling us that we were going to be quite impressed with the giant “ash hole” … which we indeed were.
She talked a lot about magma, but I heard “Maga” which helped me figure out exactly what most of my fellow travelers would get at the gift shop.
We saw a fascinating film and learned that Harry S. Truman was killed during the eruption, and you wouldn’t believe how many idiots thought he was the ex president and not just some poor schmuck who shared his name.
I was one of those idiots, which caused Jim to justifiably tease me about John Fitzgerald Kennedy conspiracies and The Donald having a golf course in the eruption zone.
“The ash stops here!”
Jim needed singles to tip the guide and driver with so what does he buy at the gift shop?
Ashes.
Genuine volcanic ashes.
In a vial.
He almost bought some authentic Bigfoot hair, which would have been much more valuable than the beaver hair that David supposedly individually counted once.
( it’s in the millions for a single beaver)
Kaitlyn told us about the bulge in the mountain that grew five feet daily until it eventually exploded in a heavy gush, which made me laugh like the seventh graders that Kaitlyn and her fellow guides chaperone on camping trips to the volcano.
She told us a story about horny adolescents who wanted an unforgettable photo op.. a first kiss pic, but they stupidly took them in a stinky porta potty because they wanted privacy.
“Could have been worse”I thought. “
“One of ‘em could have bragged about his attempt to actually mount Saint Helen.”
Kaitlyn told us that Seahawks like to show off their talons by scooping fish but I heard “ talents” and decided to quit taking blog notes and just enjoy nature’s gift to the world.
We got in the wrong seats in the long and winding return trip, but Jim promised the original occupant that he didn’t touch her complimentary bottled water and they swapped.
Right.. and Larry David was perfectly justified when he did likewise with Bruce Springsteen, a critical plot development for that hilarious series finale.
It was a spectacular day with perfect weather.
Tomorrow we have an excursion to “Cape Disappointment “ and I’m telling you now, it had better not live up to its name
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