Happy 29th from me and my brain!

ME: It's Evan's 29th! Happy birthday to my smart, funny...

MY BRAIN: Nope! Just..NO!!!..I'm gonna stop you right there before you type some cliche about how impossible it is that your son is now twenty nine..

ME:  Well..thank you for interrupting me! (BEAT) You have NO idea what I was going to type next...

MY BRAIN:  Of course I do. I'm your biggest organ.

ME: Would you say that to me if I were a GUY??

MY BRAIN: If you were a GUY, I'd be showing you how to GROW facial hair, not wax if off monthly.

ME:  Can't we please get back to the subject of Evan's birthday?  Today is HIS special day. It's not all about YOU, you know.

MY BRAIN: OK..go for it..

ME: Evan..I hope the upcoming year is as awesome as this one has been. From visiting all those Major League Baseball stadiums--(Sedona looked MAGNIFICENT--glad you got to see it after visiting Phoenix to see the Diamondbacks )--to crossing all but three MLB stadiums off of your bucket list.  (California, here we come!) ..and with  your wonderful girlfriend, you  got to tour our nation's capital last spring, and..

MY BRAIN: (verging on explosion) Can we bring up WOODLOCH now?? Can we?  Can we? Since it occupies ninety five percent of my real estate here..

ME:  (Sighing) Okay..sure..let's acknowledge HERE that even 'though Dad and I have snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, faked holiness in the Sistine Chapel in Italy,  photo bombed tourists  in front of the Eiffel Tower in France, scoffed at the eternally unfinished architecture of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, which always looked like a great big sand castle with phallic turrets..

MY BRAIN:   (GIGGLING)  Yeah..Remember that college student who kept snapping photos of it, practically CRYING as she kept repeating choruses of "Oh My G-D!") She was so excited over that building..

ME:  I know.  She was going to explode right on the plaza..

MY BRAIN:  I shut you up too, making you chalk off her sexual experience to.. turrets syndrome..You'll thank me one day..

ME: Are you going to connect this to Woodloch, somehow?  And remember that this is supposed to be about EVAN?? You are boring me...

MY BRAIN: No need to get so "testy"...Give me a second..(BEAT) Yes..I let you see the famous Astronomical Clock in Prague, but that didn't give you the unparallelled JOY of seeing Evan and Michelle in  that paddle boat on the shimmering lake, or watching them master  trivia  games and winning gold medals, or..

ME:  Wrap it up brain. You're getting WAY  too self-absorbed.

MY BRAIN: OK..I'll be succinct..or..I'll order YOU  to be succinct. And short. And sincere.  Can you do that?

ME: FINE!!(BEAT) Happy birthday, Evan. You're twenty nine!  Finally..we're the exact  same age...

(FADE TO BLACK)