this is why someone like me shouldn't travel to exotic places, and that's not even factoring in that I have no idea how to use the currency.
1) I cannot decide what to push when the instructions above the loo call it a half flush or full flush. Who is to stay? And who would know if you lied or cheated?
2) I can't use an elevator with multi-step instructions.
3) I am the only idiot in the world who can get a rather severe sunburn..on my calves..while wearing long pants, a dark fabric.,.in October.
Well..we "gentle walkers" have grown exponentially since the trip began. I guess everyone is blistered and travel weary, or maybe it's all the strudel and beer and brat. Whatever, everyone now wants to be a snail, or slug, or what the hilarious Kathy self-depricatingly calls us, "The Walking Dead."
This is the last time I will refer to my British pal Justin as Mr. Monopoly(although wait'll Jim posts the pic--you'll see!)) because he is a totally neat person, or lovely as they say across the pond.
He breaks the ice with this: a dirty joke, and some kindly advice:
"Look love, and I'm saying this not to be rude but because I fancy a bit of a pot belly myself, but if you ever find yourself trapped in a narrow tub, you flip yourself around, get on your knees, and hoist yourself up."
So yeah..I guess I'll give him a "get Out of Jail Free" card and call it a day. He is a wonderful painter and his father was a world famous water colorist.
He proceeds(after the dirty joke but before the tub advice)
"I will tell you a story about Henrietta, or as I like to call her, Aitch, if you promise to keep it quiet."
I agreed if he'd refrain from smoking, and he told me I drive a hard bargain.
I love my new friend Henrietta Wentworth Stanley. If you were Meghan Markle, wouldn't you love a name like that on your baby shower list?
He continues, "seems our Aitch had an awful time with her room..she had to ring the bellhop(don't you love his use of the word "ring?) and change her room four bloody times. One room stank of smoke, the other was in the atrium, and yet another almost killed her when she grabbed the shower bars and they flew right off!"
(Henrietta is about five feet and weighs about 90 pounds)
We were sworn to secrecy but you know Jim: He sees her later on in the day and says, "Justin told us all about your room changes!"
Anyway, our guide for the morning excursion was named Sabina. Here are the words I misheard her say:
"Crap lunch" for "grab lunch." "Denise's tea" for "dynasty" "asshole" for "asphalt" "hysterical" for "historical."
We gentle walkers saw yet another court yard, castle, church, baroque architecture, crowds, as we were kicking down the cobblestones and feeling groovy.
Today's castle took centuries to build and is the largest in Prague and when you factor in the whole castle complex, it's the largest in the world.
Milos Forman came here to film some of "Amadeus."
Oh okay..you want raunch, I'll give you raunch.
The leader of Prague is not too liked, and this summer, some thugs scaled the scaffolding surrounding a statue of him high in the center square, and they covered his face with red panties. Sabina went on and told us about their fates, but I cracked Jim and Justin up by pulling a Monica Lewinsky and showing them that I too had red panties. Well..hot pink, if you must know and they weren't Monica's thong. They were Karen granny panties.
Justin loves art and architecture and had to admit that the statue I accused of being slightly pornographic was indeed just that.
We walked through the Jewish Quarter, saw a really pretty synagogue, and was told by Sabina that it's impossible to do a census of the Jewish population in Prague. People don't fill in "religion" much since WWII
The square was repetitive but bustling with activity.
After a quick lunch (caesar salad) it was off to the most important excursion of the entire trip..visiting the concentration camp at Terezin, about an hour's drive from Prague.
We had a new guide..Martina..who had me welling up a lot. Even 'though this wasn't an extermination camp per se, it was all about propaganda and it was a labor camp, where Jewish prisoners succumbed to malnutrition and disease. So much of it was about fooling the Red Cross, like showing an array of sinks and men's razors but no water came out of the sink. (it wasn't hooked up to anything) Mattresses were so infested with lice and bugs that they had to be burned.
We toured the museum and saw a very moving film that presented a LOT of reality. I've seen so many Holocaust themed movies and read the books, but seeing the art work of the children made me weep.
Freda Brandeis collected so much art work from the children that she carefully hid before she was sent to Auschwitz, and Helga Weiss, who is still alive, found them. Many are masterpieces.
You can google the town of Terezin for more information, but suffice to say it did not ruin our vacation to be subjected to so many depressing realities: it was important to go and we're glad we did.
On a lighter not, the Czech Folk Festival was so much fun and we finally found Betty again! She truly loves us and the feeling is mutual. The noise level was so loud that I passed around a notebook page and pen and asked everyone to communicate this way, and then I asked Betty to do the same at her table. The guests were so into this--we've really become fast friends and I will save the comment sheet with all my other important trip memories
Martina said (before we got there) that we would be served a traditional Czechoslovakian appetizer and then meat, chicken and vegetables that would be served on a "needle."
(It was a kebab skewer)
Everyone but me drank their little thimble of what smelled to me like Listerine but it got the crowd really hopping.
The server was pouring red and white wine from what looked like two giant hour glasses that rested under his armpits..but people were too buzzed to care.
We heard the dulcimer, cello, and violinist, and we were entertained by dancers who looked like marionettes ..the girl actually hit you with a stick if you didn't sing.
Jim was called up to join the band..he is quite the washboard whiz, if I may momentarily turn this into a b-l-a-g/ (My portmanteau for brag and blog)
This was a morning filled with "naughtiness"(Justin and Henrietta's favorite adjectives") an afternoon filled with somberness, and an evening filled with glee.
Who could ask for anything more?
Except sleep..I'll enjoy some much earned sleep now.
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