The well dressed duck

Today I met a wonderful staffer( called a "G.O" here in Club Med) from Sao Paulo named Adriana, who planned the best day since we got here. 

 She is head of the Sports Division, which you wouldn't think would interest me and you'd be right. 

 She is sexy and gorgeous which you wouldn't  think would interest me and you'd be mostly right.  

She recognized me from yesterday as the lady who requested a chair instead of a lounge at the beach and she fetched me one immediately.  

Most people would think the design of these lounge chairs are the very definition of comfort, but most people aren't a post-menopausal woman who is milking her not even definite sciatica diagnosis for all she can. 

Adriana convinces me to return to Aqua Gym, where she'd be running the class and piping in music from the 70's-90's and beyond.  She also told me that when I read the schedule and saw "Coffee Games" at 2:15 it's not what I thought--it's not about tasting international coffees and getting rewarded for picking the correct country.

How the hell did I even get a HS diploma?

In fairness, we showed up at the same place at the same time on Monday and it was a Disney trivia game for kids, but that was a fluke.

I'm loving the sights and I'm loving the luxury and I suddenly reflect, with deepest gratitude towards the Powers That Be from turning me from the Paup-ress into the Princess.

 The Princess who longs to be the Trivia Queen one day.

Although ask those mini-club kids from the other day:  There's never been a princess that looked like me in the history of Walt Disney cinema. 

( Lilo comes the closest.)

Adriana was true to her word..I didn't fake a thing at the Aqua Gym.  (A stranger at lunch even told me "what a great job" I had done)

When you're frolicking to the Bee Gees and Kool and the Gang, your body parts cooperate naturally because they want to, not because they're forced to.

Adriana played great songs and this time, when we formed a circle, we had to massage the person in front of us.

I had a pretty young thing with tight corn rows.

Oooh!!  Corn rows!!

Listen Hedda Hair of mine, if you don't behave yourself by tonight, I WILL get cornrows.

I have  been your home for 63 years, Hedda Hair, and cornrows hurt.  So don't make me get them. I won't forgive you.

Jim had to massage an even prettier young  thing and when he was done, he quipped:  "Well..there goes my chance to ever run for  public office."

We switched positions and had to now  pound the back of the person in front of us.  I had Jim's back.  I've been waiting almost thirty years to slug him.

After a pleasant lunch(well, their hamburgers tasted like they were made out of hot dogs but this is not a food journal) we decided to head out to the bar trivia game and to the funniest, most blog-worthy highlight of the trip.

We're there early..ten..then five minutes before the game and there are no people.  There's a bar tender, but he didn't understand a word I said.

Jim wanted to cut our losses but people who REALLY know me know I don't like to cut losses if if means not playing a game I was looking forward to. 

 I'd sacrifice my first born child before I'd give up the chance to win a $25.00 gift certificate in a Scrabble tournament.

So we're waiting..and we're waiting..and Jim is getting annoyed because he has a sailing lesson scheduled at 4:30, and then I see a staffer walk in with what I thought was a microphone, thus the onset of the game, but it turned out to just be a broom  with which to sweep out that empty bar.

I was steadfast. 

 I wasn't going to move.  

(Mostly because I could NOT..the  bar chairs were like six inches off the ground..like a Roach Motel--you can get in 'em..but there's no guarantee you're gonna get out  of 'em alive.)

So finally,  FINALLY, the GOs ,Sydney from North Carolina ,who had no accent, and Luis from Mexico City who did, a strong one, show up.

Sydney says, "we had thirty people here for Bingo..because they gave out prizes."

Luis says, "and we had a huge crowd on Monday for Disney trivia, but today,  you two are the only ones who showed up, so..."

I demand to know what kind of trivia was on schedule.

Now, Luis could have easily  lied his way out of this one and answered "The History of Nascar" or "Things We Love About Kellyanne Conway" but he answers honestly and says...

.."It's TV theme songs and  TV trivia questions."

  A bulldozer couldn't tear me away at that point, even from that low-riding chair that I was physically  incapable of leaving.

So I get just like you could imagine I'd get at the mere mention that someone was going to cancel a TV trivia game.

Sydney  disappears, but Luis had no choice but to pacify me and run the game on the wide screen TV with just two participants.

He starts with the theme from "Game of Thrones" which I recognize because I have bullied countless emcees who've played  it on TV Theme events in the past.

I could care  less about Game of Thrones and never watched a single episode.

He then leers at me..and Jim and says.."the game can only continue if you name three characters from the show.  I'll settle for one.  One family name"

Again..WE DON'T WATCH THIS DAMN POPULAR BELOVED SHOW!!

Where was his "Gilmore Girl" stuff?

But he lets it slide  (even die-hard  fans tell me those surnames are impossible to pronounce or remember)and then plays the most recognizable opening notes from any TV theme in history.

We're not watchers, but we, like everyone else,  absolutely know how the theme  from "Law and Order" starts.

Who doesn't?

This didn't stop me from yelling out, "Doogie Houser, MD!" and Jim, bless his soul, from yelling "LA LAW!!" and poor Luis LET THE GAME CONTINUE because  he thought "Law and Order"might have been a spinoff of "LA Law" in the U.S.

Couch potatoes who do not immediately  know the theme from "Law and Order" do not deserve to play a game like this, but you know me when someone tries to turn out the lights before the party's over..

So we get a little charity..Themes from "The Big Bang Theory" and "Breaking Bad" and "How I Met Your Mother."

We ace them all, and then some passerby who didn't show up for the game answers the next one as "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" which we wouldn't have known, so even 'though she was a party pooper and didn't  sit down to play, the game continued.

We were played the theme song from "Sesame Street" and then had to name five characters, and I kept naming Muppets, which I thought were the same thing, but Jim saved the day, even 'though he forgot about Bert and Ernie.

"Spongebob Squarepants" was easier..we could name five characters because we are parents of a son who watched this..and also "Sesame Street", which we watched with him, so we should be ashamed of ourselves that it was a near-miss..

Luis then winks at us and says, "OK..this next one is a freebie" and I have to tell those of you who still have the stomachs to follow all of this that this is the closest I've ever come in real life to a "Who's on First" routine.

Maybe Luis's English wasn't perfect and maybe Jim's hearing is borderline maddening, or maybe I am just looking for excuses.

He plays a totally unfamiliar melody and takes us up on our request for a hint.

Luis says, "it's about a man and his dog" which Jim hears as "a man and his duck"

Things escalate from there.

"He is well dressed" and Jim SERIOUSLY asks, "the duck is well-dressed??" and "Luis just laughs and answers, "no silly, the MAN is well-dressed, not the duck."

Jim hears duck, I hear dog.

It didn't matter.

It didn't matter an iota, even after we got another clue that the series is an animated one because we never heard of it and would never have gotten it.

It's called, apparently, "Tin Tin" and it's about a well-dressed man  in a white suit and his..either his duck or his dog, I couldn't tell you for sure.

The game was over in record time for Luis and I won't be surprised if it stays off the schedule for the rest of the time we're here.

I begged for--and got--a sneak preview of the Movie Theme Game,  We convinced him we're experts..gifted cinemaphiles who know everything and he plays the very familiar opening to "Apocalypse Now"..which neither of us get.

A stranger passing by yells out the correct answer, and all three of us were visibly annoyed that since she knew this(she might have been the same person who answered the question about Sabrina the Teenage Witch) then why didn't she show up for the whole game?  And bring a crowd?

I'm guessing(since I only heard her voice and didn't actually see her) is that she comes from a family of Munchkins who couldn't get out of those chairs either.

That, or they too thought "Coffee Games" was all about Columbia's Finest.

Don't let me brag anymore about things I'm supposedly good at.

Im not all that good.