It was the best of Club Med experiences, it was the worst of Club Med experiences, it was...
Freaking fantastic!
I had the best day yet, capped off with a hot water and great pressure and yes, none of us..neither myself nor any fool still reading this blog, has to hear another word about those malfunctioning nozzles, even 'though it's all the guests can talk about..showers are working!
We LOVE showers!
(Except the ones that come from dark clouds with a vengeance. An empty cocktail glass sat on the table beside our lounge chairs, it was filled to the brim within seconds with rainwater.)
But I'm not going to discuss weather. Not on a day like this, where Jim snorkeled in the morning and we frolicked in the surf for most of the afternoon.
I'm going to talk about my fantastic conversation that took up a good chunk of the morning.
I'm going to discuss Pam, who is, without a doubt, the most fabulous septagenarian I have ever encountered.
We met as disgruntled airline passengers a mere five days ago, we are now kindred spirits.
She's the kind of person who attracts crowds like Jim's fishy lunch today attracted flies, meaning.. she attracts thousands!
(Lord Jim was Lord of the Flies today..his fish might as well have been a Giant Goat Turd, that's how much the flies were interested in it. He couldn't even take a single bite..he just had to let it die a dignified death in the trash)
Anyway, that's an ugly metaphor, to compare Pam to a fly infestation, but I just wanted to tell you about Jim's lunch.
Pam makes we wish I had been raised in San Francisco my whole life.
I want to be cool like her. Wear adorable sun hats like her. I want to share global adventures as a cyclist, just like Pam. I want her keen photographer's eye, where she can tell a person's life story within minutes of meeting them. I want her vocabulary and her wit.
I want to love coastal art communities like she does. I want to have hippie friends who are not too hippy, like yours truly.
You know how much I hate the dreaded forced small talk, right?
When someone thinks you'll actually give a crap about their day, spent returning tea towels to Target, when that's ALL they did..returned towels to Target!!??
A conversation with Pam might START with something like this:
"It's not easy growing up in a motel. There you are, a twelve year old trying to do homework and a stranger walks into your living room, demanding to know where their ice bucket is."
Or:
PAM: I should tell you the story of when I was a kid, and _____ blew up a building and got caught!
ME: Why did ____blow up a building?
PAM: He had to do something with all that dynamite
She'll tell you about how and why a menstruating girl should never sit on wet cement; or how I "don't even want to know" what happened at boarding school.
She told me she reads my blog to her crowd aloud, because she loves to TELL a story, and that can only be done orally She punches up every punchline.
Hell, I'D actually PAY to hear her read my own blog.
( that I wrote.)
She speaks her mind, whether it's about politics or world adventures or all the crazy characters she knows in her blogging community.
I so hope she makes a connection between me and her friend Helen, who sounds so amazing that I want her to adopt me.
Helen..if you're reading this..adopt me. I've had all of my shots and I'm partially housebroken too.
In between all my gutteral laughter, I was telling Pam about some of our European adventures, and how we met Charles Bronson's daughter on a canal trip in Amsterdam.
She was impressed, and said that she is related to someone famous as well..a terrific actress who happens to be her brother's daughter, her very talented niece.
I'm going to make you guess who it is by first telling you this story:
Her Brother(the father of the actress) was walking around NYC and ran into a Colleague he hadn't seen in years. The Colleague took over the entire conversation on their walk, not letting The Brother get a word in edgewise.
The Colleague kept bragging about the accomplishments of all of his children. They're just about to part ways when The Brother points to a very BIG billboard, right in Times Square, and simply says: "She's mine" before walking away.
If you can't guess the identity of the actress from that clue, then you must be smoking a lot of weed(s).
We really need to talk about last night.
OMG..how dense are you?
Are you living in the Stone Age??
(Don't ruin everyone else's fun..PM me with your guess)
Pam once worked as a clerk and waited on a very famous actor but she failed to recognize him, even 'though he starred in a very infamous movie about an infamous motel around the same time her parents ran a motel.
I don't THINK Pam is going to wind up wrapping a corpse in a shower curtain, but we still have a day and a half left.
You never know.
Pam's husband and friends are as wonderful as she is. Once the flies left, we had a nice lunch and we talked politics and pop culture and just laughed and schmoozed..you know..like you should when you're at a Club Med.
I just heard a series of "Oh My Gods" coming from Jim..he is in the shower, experiencing the normalcy of a normal shower.
So yeah..we'll be back.
Why wouldn't we be?
This place is paradise.
Maybe we'll come back next fall, around Indian Summer.
Oh, come on!
You MUST know the famous niece by now!
(I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer)
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