Hello LA

Friday morning:

Good morning, Los Angeles!

I’m freshly showered, well rested, and eager to start Day One of our trip with a bunch of weird people.

Not the Kamala definition of weird but the Karen one, meaning stoners dressed as Spider-Man, parading down Hollywood boulevard and feeling like they’re run of the mill tourists.

So let me tell you about yesterday as succinctly as possible.

As if.

The flight was smooth, my hair was not, but I relaxed while Jim combed the luggage carousel in search of my bag. I see a woman walking a poodle that looked like ours and to get his attention I yell out, “Luke!l  Luke!” But he only hears “look!” 

As though I was pointing to a bag that he couldn’t see. 

A whole row of spouses joined in with choruses  of “Luke!” .. until he finally noticed the luggage AND the poodle, prompting the guy on my left to quip, “I bet he can’t find anything in the fridge either!”

The Omni Hotel in downtown Los Angeles is lovely.

Also, I’m an idiot who insisted we stop at the airport gift shop because I insisted I needed not one but two travel sticks of deodorant, only to find seven of them hoarding in my luggage. 

I swore I was going to be more careful but I lied to myself.

The bed was higher than Snoop Dog and Seth Rogen combined. 

I called for a step stool but was sent a sumo wrestler who promised he could lower the bed. 

I’m thinking he’d push a button, ala George  Jetson, but instead, he hauled a two ton metal bed frame over his shoulder and sent housekeeping to remake the bed. 

Ok..I’m actually boring myself here, let’s move on with bitchy Karen.

Hollywood Boulevard is hot and sticky and crowded and overflowing with things that smell like lamb kebabs and hucksters who never bathe. 

Who never pack too much Lady’s Speed Stick.

But I DID get to see the old Masonic Temple that’s now the home of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

My hall pass is on hiatus but it was great to share the same air he breathes. 

He’s fly fishing in Montana and I’m breathing in expired ganga, but I’m still counting that as making a connection. 

Stay tuned for more..