It was Bosco!

Good morning Hollywood! I slept well and I’m feeling good! You will get what I’m singing now! If you ever saw “Hairspray!” …

Wow!!

Yesterday was jam packed and fun and I’ll talk about it now.

I highly recommend the backstage tour at Paramount Studios, unless you want to stay in a bubble and believe there is no such thing as movie magic.

We saw all the sound stages where classics like “Frasier” and “Cheers” and “This is Us” were filmed, and our informed guide, Tara, even pointed out the exact location where “Seinfeld “ filmed the popular marbled rye bread episode.

Backstage tours hold my interest, (we’re doing Warner Brothers this afternoon, with Evan this time, and I’ve done Universal Studios before) because I always wondered why they smell like fresh wood chips and why every building looks like it hasn’t been painted in centuries.

Tara drove the tram with enviable finesse through the narrow streets as she described all the magic of making movies and television shows.

“How many bricks do you think it took to build all these houses in New York City?”

I specifically answer, “I don’t know.. hmmm.. maybe 6,975, 820 ?”

Jim answers “zero!” 

And he was right because they aren’t bricks at all, they are foam.

They are FOAMY and they are PHONY because everything you think is real on your big or little screen is actually a blatant LIE!!

I’ve been through this before but it’s always triggering 

Tara drove by the craft services table and talked about the voracious appetites of some of your  favorite actresses and you KNOW THAT’S a lie. 

They subsist on kale and styrofoam.

She took us to Forest Gump’s bench and when I challenged the movie’s most famous quote with, “of COURSE you’re going to know what you’re going to get.. chocolate boxes are labeled!” , Tara replied, “I never check.. I just eat them!”

(Even if they’re filled with jelly??)

She talked about “Everybody Hates Chris” and how we should never buy his excuses for being late to school, because on the set, the school and house are adjacent.

She personalized some stories, telling us how Kathy Bates is so warm and lovable in real and reel life, and when Tara asked which of her characters she most identifies with, she answered “all of them!”

Which made me tuck my foot deeper into the tram in case we ran into her on the lot and she was feeling Annie Wilkes that day.

Tara told us that the sloped parking lot becomes a lake or even an ocean when cars are removed and gallons of water are pumped in. Ocean scenes used to have a big blue screen backdrop, but that backdrop is now painted white because suicidal birds would fly into it when it looked like a real sky.

Also, some guy’s only job was to clean up bird poop from the backdrop, a job I would have gladly done if it meant getting a foot in the door at Paramount, and being discovered as a lame comedy writer. 

Oh!! 

Speaking of oceans, the studio has no relics from Paramount’s biggest money maker because James Cameron has a Titanic ego. 

He did forget about one piece of artwork, a painting seen at the top of that staircase, so keep that a secret.

I know you guys can keep secrets because none of you blabbed to Paul McCartney that we were singing into his security camera.

I loved all of Tara’s little details, like when Janet Leigh’s blood was circling the shower drain in “Psycho” it was actually Bosco syrup, or how Foley artists create sound affects in magical ways. Creating kissing sounds sounds gross.. a tech puts fingers into a mayonnaise jar and swishes them around. Yuck!

(Although that’s another job I would have volunteered for in order to break into the business)

Tara ended the tour by warning us not to trek to the Hollywood sign because it’s like three hundred degrees up there and is infested  with coyotes.

One guy lived up there in the years when the sign was still lit up. His full time job was to change burned out lightbulbs.

Again, if it meant getting a foot in the door..

Do coyotes like feet??

Would Kathy Bates cause them Misery by axing theirs off?

Anyway.. ( I better take a breath) Jim took the train to meet Evan for the Angels game in Anaheim while I enjoyed dinner and a wonderful pianist who played breezy jazz and show tunes.

They’re heading back as I type this.. Evan completes his bucket list at Dodgers Stadium tomorrow , and I’ll look for something to blog about.

Wish me luck