Monday morning
I’m going to need a week to accurately describe last night’s activities, so hopefully a second blog entry will suffice.
I’m writing this from our cabin as Jim is soaking up the rays from our balcony.
He’d normally take a photo, but he knows how consumed with jealousy I’d be if his photo of an endless ocean got over a hundred like clicks, and my blog would be ignored by all but a half a dozen of you who get paid to read and comment.
Which absolutely would happen… everyone would like.. even love.. his shot of nothing but the ocean.
We’re going to the pool after the movie quote trivia game. I’m sure we’ll do better than we did at the general trivia game we went to earlier, when asked what the first message sent in Morse Code said, and I yell out, “ would you be interested in talking about an extra warranty for your car insurance?”
I’m no comic, but you know who is??
The three guys who are paid to have us rolling on the floor, which most passengers are already doing from a combination of tequilas and unsteady waters.
We didn’t even have reservations for the comedy club.
After Oz we saw a terrific pianist who covered Jim’s favorite singer, Sir Elton, and even though it was probably like six hours past our normal bedtime, we gambled for a seat in the stand by line and are we ever grateful we did!!
One comic asked the diverse audience from all over the globe how to ask for a hand job in other languages, and that was possibly the cleanest part of his act.
He talked about the four thousand dollar vet bill he got when his one hundred dollar dog needed ACL surgery. “ I could have bought forty dogs!” And then went on to say dog ownership is worth it if you’re single and lonely in your bed, naked, with a jar of peanut butter nearby.
Don’t ask.
And don’t ask about the dating app he frequents because it’s called “Gray Pubes”
One woman calls out that she’d never spend that much money on a dog, she’d shoot it in her backyard first, and yes, yes, we thought you’d never ask.. Kristi Noem is on the cruise.
Oh!!
He then confesses he was under employed during Covid and so unhip that he missed the origins of the “Karen” meme.
Everyone who has been burdened with this moniker since 2020 has consulted Google and we are all prepared to give the same answer, even though I was the only Karen in a roomful of Kristis in this nightclub.
“ it actually started with Kate Goesslin” I explain.” Nobody liked that Prima Donna . But Google can’t explain why they chose the name Karen, not Kate for the meme.”
“you’re making this shit up,” he accuses.
“ no I’m not, “ I respond. “ it’s how the meme started “
“ I don’t believe you,” he says, much to the delight of my fellow insomniacs in the club. “I think you’re just a ‘fucking bitch’ who likes to start trouble.”
“Oh.. I’m certainly that sir.. but THAT meme came out a decade earlier “
I love the sound of laughter.
And crashing waves.
And “ A Charlie Brown Christmas” song playing every time you pass a shop or bar.
So how does this vacation SOUND to you so far??
The movie quote game was a bit of a bust for people like us who avoid Blockbusters,thus we don’t know our “Top Gun” quotes like we’d know quotes that came from a documentary about Chernobyl.
“I never get a say about anything!” Jim says to me.
He was not wrong.
He insisted on returning to the Adults Only pool.. a good place to catch up on our reading.. of fellow passengers backs.
“They need a pool for a sixty-plus crowd”
“They’d call it a cesspool,” I replied, because I couldn’t think of something more clever.
The deck was so hot and there was as not a seat to be found. I couldn’t even bother reapplying sunscreen.. I needed to get wet.
I don’t know why I didn’t notice this yesterday, but the Adults Only Pool is basically a wet bar.
From photos, it looks like an infinity pool but up close, it’s liquid prison, designed to fit maybe ten tattooed people. There are no seats but there’s two or three cocktail tables in each pool. There are also four life guards.. WTF could possibly need saving in a wet space the size of a prison cell?
Jim read my face, scooped up two towels, and promised to comeback after reserving prime real estate in a better neighborhood, which he did.
I waited in the pool and a woman wearing nothing but dental floss “swims” up to me, cocktail in hand.
“Are you happy?” She asks.
“Who wants to know?” I answer, to which she responds, “I’m from Seattle .. how about you?”
Because I had nothing else to do, and there was no guarantee I’d ever see Jim again, I answer honestly.
As soon as she heard me say, “ New Jersey “ she swam away, thanking me for answering her question about whether I was happy or not.
She “swam” to another woman dressed in dental floss and then they started making out.
I wonder if these things happen to normal folks.
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