Why not??

Friday night

What do you call the penultimate that comes before the penultimate?

 Because that will describe this blog entry.. it’ll either be the second to last entry, or there will be fifteen more.

Depending on how many  more nuts we meet.

I am trying to keep the hypochondria at bay, I really am, because I don’t want to ruin Jim’s fun on this last night, but I’m telling you, when I breathe I sound like I’m blowing up an air mattress, or I’m an angry cat caught in a dryer’s lint trap. 

And the lengths I’m going through to avoid reality and quarantine!  

Every time someone stares a little too long at me, I give my  spiel: “I can’t believe my allergies are this bad when nobody is smoking!” 

I’m encouraging Jim to practice his George Jefferson strut as we hum the theme from his tv show every time someone gives me the evil eye, just so he can introduce himself as “George “ and add, “ and this here is my wife, Wheezy.”

A black sense of humor is the key to survival in this brutal world.

After the beach day that I’ve been waiting three years for, we played a pub game that required you to name the celebrity from photos before they were stars. The emcee gave no clues at all.. one was just supposed to recognize a skinny, brace-faced Adele because… well, just because. 

We got some obvious ones, like Barack Obama and Whoopi, but then she threw some real challenges into the mix, like a baby Keira Knightly and a school aged Natalie Portman. 

Then there was that famous New England Patriot player named Tom BradEY.. and a sex symbol named Canning Tatum.  

These are not typos.

We actually won keychains  for this game.. for having the lowest score in the entire pub.

Packing was quite the challenge. It’s much easier to pack before a trip, when you have anticipation and luggage space, but then you buy liquor you’re never going to drink and you no longer care that you’re mixing dirty clothes with clean: that your granny pantries wind up in your husband’s carry on  luggage because you just want to pack and get home and schedule a lung transplant as soon as possible.

Seriously, this is why I hoard the contents of my luggage. This is why I have 15 tubes of sunscreen and countless razor blades. I forget what was packed from the last trip, and I don’t have the time or energy required to reorganize efficiently.

We had a wonderful dinner scheduled at exclusive steakhouse, but I was coughing too much to enjoy it.

Our over  solicitous server kept insisting that I sample everything.

I couldn’t eat that much even with a normal appetite, or even with an appetite as as abnormally large as mine,  but he seemed to take rejection very personally.

 I didn’t have the heart to I didn’t like the mushroom soup because it would break his. I did not want that lobster bisque  he substituted, but I also didn’t want to see a fight break out.

He was touchy feely and he had a habit of answering everything  you ordered with the phrase, “why not??!!@ or “Salud!”

As though Jim needed a second opinion or even permission when ordering the Caesar salad!! Why not??

He was so over zealous that I allowed him to shake my hand whenever he pleased. 

Serves him right if I’m indeed contagious.

I did eat a little, but this bronchial enigma is a more effective appetite suppressant than Ozempic.

About to take in  a water show and a comic and then we’re going to try to sleep in this indescribably comfortable bed for the last time.

Thanks for traveling with me this week. I know I have a lot of baggage.