Sweet Caroline..

Welp.. I knew I’d be meeting a cast of characters.. I just had no idea it would be while we were still at the hotel.

We get to the lobby in time to hail an Uber.. we could have ordered a fleet of them since we were two hours early.

A staff member with a clip board tells us he can get us  to the pier in lightning time as long as we lined up early, which we did, and once again.. we were lied to.

An elderly couple sitting in the lobby with us had a Carnival Cruise to catch and they had just about had it, convincing us to share a cab with them and cut our losses.

They were from Boston and he sounded exactly  like my uncle Neal who I just saw on thanksgiving, and every time he spoke I could think of nobody but my uncle as the owner of that voice. 

His name was Richie and hers was an Indian name like Havava,  but it’s not important that  I remember how to pronounce it because she couldn’t remember mine.

“ so Carolyn “ she begins.. “where did you say you were from?”

“Still New Jersey “ I reply, and then  she let out a shriek that could wake the dead because she mistakenly thought her carry on bag had been left behind.

“Shhhh!” Admonished Richie/Uncle  Neal. “ Carlos is telling me his life story and I don’t want to miss anything!”

Carlos was our driver. After ten minutes, we’d forget everything he said .

After ten minutes, we’d never lay eyes on  him again.

“So Caroline,” she says from the back. “ I know Carolyn isn’t right so it’s Caroline, right?”

Ten minute cab rides don’t require corrections.

“Caroline!” She screams a little too enthusiastically. She patted my back and told me she loved me before continuing, “ Caroline.. my husband has traveled all over the world and has met so many famous people! Guess who?”

I reply.. “ can you narrow it down?”

“Guess, Caroline! Guess!”

They were both getting excited with all the ships they counted in the port and she fretted that she didn’t have her winter coat from Boston because of the  warm Miami drizzle.

“Um.. Miss  Piggy? Queen Elizabeth? Robert F Kennedy’s  earworm?”

“ Henry Kissinger!! Joan Baez!”

“Funny… I  was… just about.. to guess them??”

“And guess what my husband got me for Christmas?? Guess!!”

“This trip?”

“No !” My Louis Vuitton bag but I can’t show you because it’s not Christmas yet. He bought it in Paris! Guess how much he paid for it??”

I was all guessed out by this time

Oh.. sweet Caroline!

I hope I didn’t accidentally  take  off with her carry on.

Then we put our bags on the conveyer belt and a random guest asks me if I have high blood pressure.

“Yes.. since the election”“ I respond. 

I had no idea why he asked.. he was a guest, not an employee.

Did he just stalk the content of my carry on as it was going through the X-ray machine?

“Well. You probably already saw this, but I did  indeed pack BP meds”

“Oh.. no thanks”he says as though I offered him some. “I brought my own “

There are enough people on board to populate the state of  Rhode Island.  Hopefully I’ll avoid them all.

Oh.. before I forget. As we got out of the shared cab, I hear this: “ Caroline.. I have something to confess. We are not from Massachusetts. We are from New Hampshire!”

We haven’t even set sail yet.

Lord have mercy.