There’s something about Mary

Thanks to the ten of my friends on FB still reading me and not complaining that's it's too long, because it's GOING to be too long, that's a given.  And ever since I was about seven, I stopped caring about the pictures in books and only wanted the story.  So Jim has posted a lot of pics(where he's tagged me) so by all means, enjoy them if you're pressed for time.  If you're not, well..have I got a day to describe for you!We started off our day in Cherbourg with me wearing shorts that were a little loose. (OK..only corny joke of the day:  "Karen's britches:  Falling down??" Or is it Karen's britches, falling down?) Anyway, we board the bus and everyone is old--very old with either no teeth, or chipped teeth that infer they've been too trustworthy regarding lasagna that don't need to be boiled. Our morning guide was so sweet but so hard to understand so please, auto correct, let me spell the words as I heard them.  I'm a big girl and you can always wash my mouth out with soap if you have any objection to "shuttle" being pronounced "shit hole" or "factory" as "fuck Tori!" (She also said some clean stuff, like constriction for construction and Herbert for harbor) We make a quick seaside stop before heading to the utterly charming village of Cherbourg, but when the bus doors open, she exclaimed "the smell is not very agreeable" and we couldn't have agreed more. I've wanted to see Cherbourg forever--or at least since last year when I saw "La La Land."  I found the building with the umbrellas and it was easy to miss.  Oh, and if you think Pit Bull Karen is obnoxious, wait'll you get a load of Obnoxious Narrator Karen,. The crowd gathered as I began:  "You see folks, in 1963, a beautiful movie was filmed right her on this spot..gorgeous technicolor shots with a credible love story"  (and no, I never saw the damn movie, just bear with me!) and I add:  "It is a fact that up and coming director Damien Chazelle, previously known for "Whiplash" was so inspired by this wonderful french film that he created "La La Land"  The crowd grew bigger, and Jim started smirking(because I really had no idea where I was going with this) and I said, "ignore my husband's smirks..everytime he joins me in singing "The Fools Who Dream"--the song that won Emma Stone her Oscar--he turns it into "Rainbow Connection."  Jim addressed the crowd: "This is why "La La Land" lost to "Moonlight."  We then had to deal with crazy Joanne from Portland, who is much louder and much crazier than me.  (Because as you ten readers know, most of this is just schtick--an act) Joanne kept fearing getting lost, but she wanted to stop in every pastry shop, even 'though it wasn't scheduled.  And if I could operate a camera, I'd have proof that this happened next:  A guy was rolling around his suitcase on a little cart in one hand, and walking his ..bichon, I think--with the other..and Joanne went over to him and started petting the luggage. Some of you sick bastards are going to find this next part funny, and it was NOT unless you're into cringe worthy black comedy.  But really, it's blog worthy but not funny.  The guide told us to be very careful with our belongings--not to leave anything on the coach bus.  She also said the town was very close to the dock so people could walk back or take a shuttle, but nope, these octogenarians made sure they got their arthritic hips back on that coach in time.  The bus pulls away, and it was impossible to go back when we suddenly here this: " You left without Mary."  And at first I thought, "that's OK..Mary can get a shuttle" but I hear this:  "Mary was traveling all alone.  She's in a wheelchair.  She can't see very well and she can't hear.  And all her belongings are on this bus!!  And she's eighty-six!"  OMG, it kept getting more gruesome with each outburst.  So we were already like two miles away from the point of departure when the guide hopped off and ran to find her..a vision challenged, hard of hearing eighty-six year old with a family that let her go out alone. Okay, okay, I'll look for her..I promise..Stay tuned for the afternoon wrap up.