The “over designed” movie experience

It started with Jim's undeniable "uh oh" as he browsed his phone while I had a hair full of cherry cola colored  dye this afternoon.

I braced myself for a rousing round of "Celebrity Death Alert!" when he stopped me at a ninety-something (still alive ) sitcom actor and confessed:

"Remember how you told me last night  to get tickets for "King Richard" and I didn't, assuring you there'd be plenty left, and we could get them today?  They're all sold out"

So of course I pouted, because I didn't want to stream a movie at home, I wanted movie theater  POPCORN(more on that later) and I wanted to see "King Richard", which was FANTASTIC.

We went to a mall just a few miles further from where the sold-out show was playing, a movie theater that advertises itself as a "dine-in" experience.

It was an experience all right.

First of all, even 'though the AMC letters were as high as Snoop Dogg on a  typical weekend,  we could not find the entrance to the theater. 

 Jim drops me off, and the fun begins.

We still could not find the theater.  He descends a winding staircase, looking for the elusive AMC, while I drink in everything I love about a mall in this season: the piped in  Christmas  music, the sometimes sickening smells wafting from  perfume stores, the holiday decorations.

We walk and walk and walk some more, finally finding an escalator, finally finding the theater.  

I could practically taste the popcorn, and I wanted to share a bucket--and bring a free refill home to experience the joy of eating it all over again tomorrow.

We don't see any food or popcorn machine at the concession stand: what we see is a few masked teenagers, who took Jim's credit card and our order, promising to deliver the popcorn and the Diet Coke(which I've essentially given up for two years now, but I was in a THEATER)right to our seats!

We were going to be served our snacks in a real live theater!

It sounded so good on paper.

In reality??  

Not so much.

We enter the theater and see a bunch of moms with toddlers in strollers.  "King Richard" did not seem like an appropriate movie choice for this crowd, nor did the trailer for the latest "Scream"

So the babies are crying, and we tried to tune them out as we adjusted our serving trays, as Jim complained about my eighty pound handbag that pretty much needed a seat of its own.

The trailers are winding down, the movie is about to start, and we realize we've been sitting for over twenty minutes, drinkless and popcornless.

Jim begrudgingly gets up, AFTER the movie started, to find a manager, as the Moms with the toddlers were being served full dinners, and we couldn't even get something  that is  so  readily available at most movie theater counters.

Once he saw that the Moms were being taken care of, he assumed we would be next--but that didn't happen.

It is very hard to enjoy a wonderful movie like "King Richard" when you're preoccupied about how you've been wronged, but just as Jim goes out to  speak to a manger(something I couldn't do because of OBVIOUS reasons) the popcorn gets delivered..but no drink.

I remembered the time we were in LA to see a movie premiere(a documentary that our friend was involved with that was being screened at USC) and I had a horrible sciatica flare-up, making it necessary to pop a dry Oxy pill that I had in my handbag, joking later that I was just your  typical pill-popping Hollywood starlet  at a premiere.

I told the masked teen who delivered the popcorn that we paid for a beverage as well, which he promised to bring us but never did, and yes, I was already planning my memorial service, wondering who'd lead it with a straight face as they regaled the mourners with the story of how I choked to death... on dry popcorn.

The movie ends and we sought our due refund--it was the principle of the thing.  The ticket taker could not find anyone in charge, but did offer a free Diet Coke, which I didn't need AFTER the movie ended, right BEFORE a thirty-minute car ride home.

The manager tells us it is "not their policy" to have guests carry their own snacks to their seats, but he did refill the popcorn bucket--which Jim proceeded to drop all over the carpet, which looked like it had just recently been installed.  Jim apologized, and tried to pick up every kernel, until someone wisely said there was a staff member being paid to do that with a  proper vacuum, even with the staff shortage.

Jim hiked alone to try to remember where the car was, while I tried to ignore the rude stares of a chain smoker.

It was an eventful night, but totally worth it to see Will Smith in a role that will clearly earn him an Oscar nomination.

I loved the history of the William sisters and wanted to be like them.

They'd never complain about missing concession stand snacks, I can guarantee it.

The sisters know how to live in the moment.