A Shark-free forecast

There are  illegible blog notes from the past, the present, and the future..which...I have no idea what the latter  has in store for us this week.

I do know this:

Our limo driver Willie picked us up at 6:30, and regaled us with stories about how Tony Bennett would practice in his car en route to a performance, but I checked out as soon as he said, "When I picked up Mr. Bennett at Trump Tower.."..

I was about to start a VACATION, I didn't need to hear this.

We arrived at the spanking new terminal A in Newark, and they should find something to call it other than a "terminal" since it was bright and airy and fresh and it didn't smell like Newark. It's a rebirth, not an end.. not a terminal.

I remembered to wear socks! 

 So the only gunk to appear on my feet is gunk that was already there.  I see a sign that reads, "make sure you report verbal abuse to authorities" just as I was being scolded by a TSA worker for not following her weird hand gestures that she tried to pass off as helpful directions.

The "Barbie" movie played twice..TWICE..during our flight, on mute.  This movie is still going to be on the list for my top ten of 2023, but all that pink actually gave me a sore pinkie.  Gave me pink eye??  

Oh..enough with the stupid jokes.  

Let me find something interesting to say.

It is so nice to be back at Club Med Cancun, the first time since the pandemic. The airport experience was not something I want to talk about but I will.

Immigration went quickly--and the room had air conditioning, but everyone in line, no matter where they were staying, was consumed by the awful weekly weather forecast.  One guy tried to comfort his wife(and us) saying that quick sprinkles are nothing, that  torrential downpours are never an issue in Mexico, and his wife replies:  "Oh yeah?  That's what you said about Maui and we all know how that turned out!" The guy assures us that we would have a beautiful sunny forecast..today..our arrival day..but he neglected to tell us we'd be spending most of that time watching a carousel spin with about 2000 pieces of luggage. 

Jim was freaking out about the forecast, wondering what a non-alcoholic could do to pass the time. I pretended the forecast was just fine, and then I started googling things like, "what does it really mean when the app says there's one hundred percent chance of rain?" or.."do kidnappers prey more upon wet weary travelers who would sell a kidney in exchange for shelter?"

At least Jim's freak out is rational. 

 I am consumed with the morbid idea of death by sea creature, because there were two fatal shark attacks this week, one seven hours away, in another part of Mexico, and one in the Bahamas, but I am still obsessed. 

(and OF COURSE I googled what to do..and "but what if my nails aren't sharp enough to stab a shark in the eye?")

There was a victim of a sea creature at this resort a few years ago, but it wasn't fatal.  A playful crocodile that lived in the lagoon was beloved enough to be named, ("Albert") but that didn't stop him from chomping down  on a little kid's leg.  And that kid obeyed rules!  Unlike me, he heeded the "don't feed the animals" signs posted all over the walkway,  but I have never let an iguana walk away hungry and I don't plan to start anytime soon.

When we were here in 2015, a bunch of us were frolicking in shallow water when about eighty fish flew out of the ocean, forming a choreographed arc, and then attacked a French guest's back by fiercely smacking  into him.

I offered to paddle over and help, but all I know how to say in French is "mon chien et Luke!" and Jim pointed out that the guy being pelted would not, in fact, care that I have a dog named Luke.

The guy was fine, but we wondered what motivated the white fish to go crazy like that. 

It was white fish, with sable, onion, tomato, and capers, and Larry David was even more pissed than we were at the sight of it, still not over the fact that his favorite deli named a sandwhich after him--a totally gross, unappetizig sandwich, while Ted Danson got pastrami on rye.

(google the episode for a quick laugh)

I promise to limit the complaining, something I always do on that first day, weary from travel and loaded with pessimism,  because rain or shine, we're back in our happy place.

The ocean was shark free and seaweed free and clear as a lake filled with Windex...yeah..it's good to be home.