I will survive!

I have a new irrational fear: palm trees toppling over us; coconuts splitting in half on our skulls. 

There is so much wind that I expect to take flight at any given moment.

We see the grim forecast and Jim says, do you want to take an excursion?” And I reply, “yeah.. to somewhere warm like Newark “

Everywhere you go, people are screaming, in multiple languages, “this is f&cking  Mexico!! Where’s the f&cking sun??”

After napping and complaining for the bulk of the morning, we decided to go back to “coffee games” where the theme was “disco.”

“I’ll pass” I say when Jim proposed that we go. “It’s going to be all disco music from the aughts”

“There was no music like that at that time” he answers, clearly miffed. “Do you even know what “disco” means?”

I answer, “I don’t even know what “aughts” means.”

We show up, and Mr. “my wife made me come” was a no-show, which means we can all draw our own conclusions about what he was doing on this drizzly afternoon.

Jim assured me I’d be fine, to just yell out “ Gloria Gaynor” or “Donna Summer” for every answer and we’d be guaranteed some hits.

We’re joined by Jim’s new friends from the power walk, Sandra from London and Peter from Singapore. Also, some couples who didn’t understand a word I said, but cheered for me wildly every time I called out the correct answer, which is every time they played a Bee Gees tune, because I’ve seen “Saturday Night Fever”so many times that I could accurately finish every line of dialogue.

Attica!! Attica!!

A staffer who I’m pretty sure is in charge of the disco here led the opposing team, but he got booted for cheating on his phone, which led to a pretty hilarious fist fight with someone from our team.

This would have been worse, of course, if it was not a disco-themed event but a Beatles one, because as soon as the deejay played “ Here Comes the Sun” he would have been thrown off his podium, the  lying bastard.

We are watching volleyball in the rain, being sprayed by the ocean, with wind gusts that are making us both look like Don King, but we’re on vacation, damn it.

We’re fantasizing about dirty crowded cities and bus fumes and depressing news on our local station and.. we can’t wait to escape  this paradise and go there.

I just saw a  one-legged bird, hopping by the pool, looking perfectly content with his lot in life.

I should be a bird.

There’s a salute to Michael Jackson tonight and we have reservations at the exclusive Mexican restaurant in our section of the resort, where we’ll sit in comfy chairs and be pampered and  we’re going to forget all about this unlucky forecast.

In the immortal words of Gloria Gaynor:

I Will Survive!