The frozen hot chocolate

I got the best sleep I had in years last night.

No step stool needed to get to the matress.

No humping poodle.

No lying Mike Lindell, claiming that My Pillow is guaranteed uninterrupted sleep, that the cool side stays cool and it never flattens.  

It does the opposite of that, but I don't expect much truth in advertising from a coke head.

But despite that blissful rest, drifting off to sleep listening to sounds of the ocean, I found myself too tired to eagerly participate in the Aqua Gym.

The hot, toned teacher called me out for cheating several times. 

How could he possibly know I was cheating at Aqua Gym?  What could he see when my lower half was submerged? Isn't it true that what happens below the surface STAYS below the surface?

My mind was on intoxicating smells coming from the beach that staff was setting up, or if my comment on Jim's iguana photo, ("Iguana Trump--the far better choice!) would offend anyone. 

Couple this that I was mentally compiling a list of everything I forgot to bring from my packing list, which had been modified and memorized a dozen times. I neglected to pack extra bras(and unlike at home, they're required here) and I didn't pack a humidity-proof container for the Synthroid.  I forgot my Woolite, so my sand covered clothes are being laundered in hair conditioner. I forgot a spare hairbrush and worst of all, I forgot protective headwear.  My big floppy black beach hat and my Yankees cap.  I managed to find something deep in the crevices of an old tote--a Chicago Cubs cap, even 'though I couldn't name a single player from the team.

Bear with me..I'll get to the relevance of that momentarily.

So I'm basically just splashing my hands in the water like I'm in a kiddie pool, and Jim says to me, "you SHOULD be doing jumping jacks!" and I respond, "I SHOULD be displaying an Emmy award on a mantle, but that ain't happening either."

Around this time, the instructor stops what he's doing and yells at me:  "Hey..you..Cubs fan..why aren't you yelling "Opa" like everyone else in this pool?"

I answer, "because I'm..um..from CHICAGO, and I thought you said OPRAH, and I respect her too much to use her name in a silly little past time like Aqua Gym."

Nobody laughed, and I left the pool, smugly satisfied that I probably burned off 20-30 calories.

The savory BBQ was ...interesting.  One chafing dish  contained a single rib, like the kind that toppled over the Flintstone mobile.  Another was filled with steak that looked good but I'm betting that Lisa from Temeca herself couldn't cut it with a samurai sword. 

The salad was superb.  If I could be a rabbit I would..and eat nothing else.

When we were here in 2015, the specialty drink(both alcoholic and virgin) was inspired by Serendipity in NYC, the place with the thousand dollar sundae.  It's called a Frozen Hot Chocolate and it's as good as it sounds.

The bartender gives me the biggest smile..and a flimsy paper cup filled with scalding hot chocolate.

"I'm sorry sir..this isn't what I ordered.. Could you possibly.."

Well, did he ever turn on me!!

"You are a loco American! You say you want hot chocolate AND frozen chocolate, like that's possible.  Do you have any idea what you want?"  he said as he threw his rag in disgust, looking a lot like Guillermo.

"I want"..I answer, "the same bartender I had the first time I came here."

The ocean was calm, gorgeous, and inviting. Jim was applying his ninetieth coat of sunscreen so I approach two women that were frolicking in the waves, readying myself for the dreaded small talk, when I shriek..after seeing something white and skinny and slithering, with orange dots on its head.

Was it an eel?  A sea snake?  Is sea snake a thing?

Jim finally joins me and says I was hallucinating, that I was just seeing a stream of light from the sun, and I scream at him that "reflections don't slither!" but he made a joke that made me forgive him, and the joke was that an old man maybe just had his fly open.

Such is life in paradise.

We met a couple, Club Med veterans from Canada, who have been coming to this resort for twenty five years.  He looked exactly like Opie and was a fitness instructor who couldn't stop raving about the champagne, his wife was some sort of executive.  They told me that when their kids were young, they'd come here all the time, and they'd waterski in the lagoon that was  inhabited by sharks and alligators.  She said it so calmly, like she was saying we might see a sand flea or two, although her husband did pipe in that he was told that "hungry raccoons often run through the indoor corridors at night."

They told me not to worry about(or..because they're from Victoria, "a boot") sharks.  

Easy for a fitness instructor to say.

I guess I'm  finally assured that the sea creatures are harmless..unless one asks  them for a "frozen" hot chocolate.