Bananas of grated cheese - 1/30/2016

I think if I ever do decide to join a gym, the secret is to go to one where nobody speaks English so you can convince yourself that you're not seeing results because of a language barrier, and you can convince others  that you seriously tried. We just did water aerobics. I asked the lifeguard about a starting time for the class, and he had no idea what I was trying to say. I tried to say "water aerobics" with gestures, but I think he thought I was having a mini-stroke. Finally, I remembered that Water Aerobics is called "Aqua-Gym" here and we came to a mutual understanding. "Aqua-Gym" was taught by that hot guy who paraded down the beach the other day with what I thought were hot loose french fries, because he pronounced "fruits" as "f-r-i-t-t-e-s"..Erique sizes us up as the zhlubs in the NY Yankees caps from New York(aka New Jersey) and thought he'd be challenged, in a good way, as he'd give some instructions in English. He coveys to us that we don't need to know the language, we merely have to follow the gestures. He is on the pool deck, instructing us not to break the circle we were supposed to be swimming in. There is only one of us not keeping up and  breaking the circle. Guess who?  So every time I pass, and he's within reach, he grabs my shoulder and shoves me toward the swimmer I'm supposed to be following.  I thank him and say "merci" each time, but by the fifth or sixth go around, I am still breaking the circle and he is shoving me harder and I'm yelling for MERCY and I think he thinks I'm still thanking him. Jim is getting exasperated, wondering why I just don't follow the non-verbal cues and gestures. I say, thinking Jim would be the only one to understand, "I can't even follow the steps for the cha cha slide at a bar mitzvah!" and the woman whose shoulders I was supposed to grab and not break the circle hears this and says, "You are Jewish?" and I answer truthfully, "more or less." Turns out she speaks absolutely no French, a fair amount of English, and fluent Spanish, her native tongue. She came all the way from Buenos Airies and was supposed to go to Club Med Columbus Isle which has been closed due to severe hurricane damage since October. (Wow..if that had happened eighteen months ago everyone would still be calling my husband Jim..that's when and where he got the "Jam" cake) Her Spanish accent was thick and lovely, and easier to decipher than the French spoken here. Enrique looks displeased that I am chatting with my new Jewish friend and disrupting his class, but screw Enrique. (And yes, I would if Jim would allow it) My Argentinian friend introduces herself as "Andrea" and says everyone calls her "ANDI" which she actually spells out.  You can't get more comfortably American than that! It is almost time for lunch and I'm hoping to find something that doesn't make me feel like I'm on "Survivor."  I know fish is healthy, I know it's brain food, but I'd rather stay unhealthy and dumb than eat it.. We BETTER get to the vegetable display before someone takes the  hot bubbly brown  crusty cheese off of the cauliflower au gratin.  That's for ME and ME alone..Update: Lunch was great, it's raining as we dine al fresco, so I can justify jogging(journaling/blogging) during the afternoon. If anyone thinks I'm exaggerating any of this, I suggest you view the photos Jim took of today's lunch offerings..there really WAS a dish called "Worked Tomato"..(He wouldn't let me use my Sharpie and write "OVER" (worked tomato) And I don't know if you can read this, but the other photo described a vat of "Bananas OF Grated Cheese"..THAT's the new password you're looking for, readers!  Nobody's getting hacked with a password like "Bananas of Grated Cheese"..They finally got lunch right, the best thing I've eaten since I got here since I'm so over f-o-i-s gras by now.) They called it "mashed potatoes with meat" and I scooped some and it turned out to be absolutely DELICIOUS Shepherd's Pie. Jim and I loved it, and we were both relieved they didn't try to translate Shepherd's Pie directly, because who knows what it would have been labeled? Probably something we would have skipped and it would have been our loss.  Fish lovers really would love it here..fish, seafood, fruit..everything healthy. I can't even say I'm disappointed because this is a GREAT Club Med, it truly is, and Christine Cherry Hommel, it was a WONDERFUL choice because all the stuff that's happening is actually making it that much more fun..and funny! And the beach is so beautiful..it's been worth every single penny we spent.  I only had to fudge with blog details once, on my birthday night, when I pointed to the croissants, wanted butter, rubbed the back of my hand, and was given hand cream.  Auto correct wouldn't let me spell what was actually given to me..P-U-R-E-L-L.(which kept coming up as "purple")..I can't believe it's not butter! I kinda want to stay here...