Fries and fish.. Not what you think.. - 1/31/2016

Thanks to all of you who think I'm "cool" but how cool can I be when I start singing "Beauty and the Beast" songs to chefs who greet me with a couple of bon jours? Cool people don't get kicked off stage during open mic night at Grandmom Minnie's  within a minute.  I can't tell you whom I shared that humiliating experience with, because I've already told you, or at least hinted at, what they'd do(and did) on a half a quaalude. And besides, anyone who knew me in my 20's knows EXACTLY who I am talking about. I also can't disclose their names because they are our bathroom euphemisms. Praising my writing is like praising Neely O'Hara's vocal talents before she hit it big and became an addict. Neely, for the Unhip, is the character played in a ghastly way by Patty Duke in what critics call the worst movie of all time called "Valley of the Dolls." Their worst is one of my faves, but only because of that unforgettable high camp dialogue. When Anne Wells, the character played by Barbara Perkins tells the soon to be back stabbing Neely O'Hara that she was a great singer, like some of you think I'm an entertaining blogger, she'd just laugh, shrug her shoulders, and say like I do, "yeah, that and a nickel will get me a cup of coffee." I wonder why I reference Patty Duke so often in blogs? I wonder in what era coffee cost a nickel a cup? I wonder when I'll be returning to a location this lovely, considering how unpredictable the basement crystal meth biz can be? Update: In these dwindling hours of our vacation/birthday celebration, Jim decides to walk to town for tee shirts, and I decide to walk into the Caribbean for trouble. Earlier, I spotted what I thought was a lone ziti-type noodle in the sand.  Closer inspection shows that it is a single french fry. I thought maybe that sexy Enrique WAS peddling single fries after all, that maybe he didn't mean "fruits" but "f-r-i-t-t-e-s" Oh, by the way, before I forget, I didn't learn the word "p-o-m-m-e f-r-i-t-t-e-s from French class(damn autocorrect!) but from "Time After Time" when Malcolm Mcdowell comes from the past and stands behind a big burly guy in line at McDonald's and orders what he does and exclaims, "oh, I see, "fries" are p-o-m-m-e f-r-i-t-t-e-s!" I get so off track, how can anyone follow me?? I thought maybe one of the topless size zeros was saving that fry for later, for her dinner, but I stole it anyway. I ball it in my fist and find a nice looking school of darting, silvery black fish.  Slowly, I crumble the french fry and send them into a bigger frenzy then they were already in. Let's just say I didn't think this through, that big fish are very attracted to panicked little fish. Don't tell Jim I did this..he'd think I was littering when he was trying to find me a nice tee shirt. (which he did) There's now a guy in front of us, under a palm tree, scratching his back. This would not be even slightly blog-worthy except for the fact that he was scratching it with an expensive looking store bought chrome plated back scratcher. It makes me think, before they left the room, did the wife ask : "honey, did you remember your hat and sunscreen?" and half-way through their walk he'd say, "shoot..I have to go back. I forgot my back-scratcher." The thought of him going back to his room for a gizmo like that is what makes this noteworthy, not just that some guy was sitting under a palm tree minding his own business when his back started to itch. I am officially out of note paper and time, but I'm sure I'll have one more entry tonight.  We finally met the other couple(besides sisters Patty and Cathy) who were on our flight from JFK..a man so handsome that I thought he worked here.  He's from Israel and he's here with his husband enjoying the trip.  He lives in Manhattan now, practicing OB-GYN at NYU.  (Make your appointments now ladies..he is really adorable)  And he invited us to dinner..hopefully I'll have some things to say before the final au revoir..