The only reason I compromised with Jim and agreed to go on this Civil War themed, MAGA attended trip, was because he guaranteed at least one excursion would center around marine or animal life.
I don’t understand my excitement around alligators and dolphins, but that’s what was on the table.
I already had a very intimate encounter with dolphins in Cozumel in January, and alligators eat small Yorkshire terriers until someone is wise enough to turn them into purses, so my attraction to them is complicated to say the least.
Imagine my chagrin when the captain announced we were being rerouted from Hilton Head, and that it “might” affect some of the excursions we’ve already booked.
Now imagine that chagrin as blinding rage when we’re informed that yes, there still is going to be an alligator encounter ( the dolphins bailed) but Jim and I weren’t going because it was fully booked!
It was booked because the announcement was made( “ first come, first serve”) via inaudible announcements in the dining room, where the conversation centered around airport delays never died down.
“Karen, calm down!” said both Jim and Kyla, the cruise director, and my tee shirt. “We can always explore another battleground and historical site in South Carolina.”
“ I’d rather explore Lindsey Graham’s Grindr profile!” I respond. “ get me those alligators!”
Kyla grabs her laptop and gives us the good news: “ okay.. I got you both on the excursion. Only thing is, you’re booked individually on separate boats at separate times”
“Uh huh!! If I’m getting mauled by an alligator today it better be in front of my husband, not someone who’s gonna see it happen and forget about it thirty seconds later!”
( which could possibly be Jim anyway)
Anyway, problem solved.
We’re both going to be alligator turds at the same time.
Whew!
Last night’s entertainer was a talented ventriloquist who’s as good as Jeff Dunham but is as right wing as Kid Rock.
We knew to expect topical political humor, but we didn’t expect an ( admittedly good!) impression of Bill Clinton’s sound byte( “ I did NOT have sex with THAT woman “) to result in a smarmy puppet dressed like an eagle to say, “ he means Hillary “
Guess who he chose to be his human dummy from the audience?
It was none other than his dinner table companion, Sean Patrick Michael Liam Seamus Flannery O’Connor Murphy, the retired police chief from Orange County. ( is Orange County Red??)
Sean Patrick Michael Liam Seamus Flannery O’Connor Murphy gets all masked up and is instructed to open his mouth every time Charlie Kirk- loving Paul Winchell taps him on his shoulder and makes him say hilariously obscene things, like what he was going to do to his darling Clementine when the show ended, or, if she wasn’t available, what he’d fantasize about doing to governor Gavin “ eight dollars” Newsom.
The crowd loved it, except for us and our Colorado pals.
I mean, we DID laugh and we agreed he’s talented, but when the current unhinged White House occupant is threatening to demolish an entire country that very morning, you don’t make right leaning political jokes and call it fair and balanced.
Anne introduced us to her fabulous sisters, the marathon runner Mary from Los Angeles and the hilarious Eileen from Virginia. ( haven’t officially met the other sibling, the only boy, their brother from Alaska, or their Fox News watching mom, who’s ninety three and in the definite minority in this family, but I’m hoping to soon)
The ventriloquist was boxing up Jose, his American Eagle puppet ( no I’m not kidding. And he was fodder for borderline racism) as the room emptied out, except for Anne and her sisters and us.
Wow.. I want to learn ventriloquism just so I can create a new act based around THAT conversation.
I will call my puppet Mike Johnson unless you folks think it’s too soon.
More later
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