hello Beaufort!
Loving your pretty little town with drippy, mossy willows and both Victorian and antebellum homes, your manicured lawns and white picket fences, but to be perfectly frank, I’d have to change my name from Karen to.. oh, there’s no need for me to get stupid.
Not this late in the vacation.
To be perfectly frank, I’m getting weary of all these war monuments and historical war reenactments,
It’s just One Battle After Another.
Just a bunch of Sinners drinking moonshine.
This morning’s excursion was called the Low Country Heritage Exploration and all I remember people talking about was rice, chiggers, and misogyny.
( although I did like seeing Martin Luther King’s hideout spot in St. Helena’s)
We explored something called the Praise Building, but nobody said a word about my WOF prowess or my brisket, so there was no personal praise for me, which is all I care about.
it was just a dilapidated one room building with chipped wooden pews and zombies singing “Michael Row Your Boat Ashore.”
I was very excited about this afternoon’s schedule, “Beaufort’s History and Movie Excursion.”
It was described as a highly strenuous activity because it involved walking more than two miles over uneven surfaces, and I was relieved to see men in their nineties wearing shorts and sandals with socks, but even with their canes, they all walked faster than me.
Still, I knew our knowledgeable guide, Bill, would be talking a lot about some of my favorite movies.. “ The Prince of Tides” and “The Big Chill” and “Forrest Gump.”
( did you know that beautiful music at the film’s end, while credits rolled, is called “The Feather Song?”)
You do now.
So ask Alexa to play it.
Go ahead.. I’ll wait.
I went on this tour for celebrity gossip, which I sadly care more about than important historical events.
If my history tests in high school were all composed of back issues of “People” magazine, I’d be teaching Advanced American History at Yale by now.
I was the first to answer the question about who played Alex’s corpse in “The Big Chill” ( Kevin Costner) but I didn’t know out guide’s black van was cut from the movie “Stars Fell in Alabama” after seven grueling takes , but the van still got more credit than Kevin Costner did.
We saw Lila Wingo’s house from “The Prince of Tides” ( she was played by Kate Nelligan in an Oscar nominated performance) and our guide detailed the scene where Lila served her abusive husband dog food for dinner, a scene I remember very well, which I considered during the PMS days early in my marriage.
The movie took place in Charleston and New York, but was filmed in Beaufort and apparently, Barbra Streisand was a diva.
Shocking, I know.
She demanded that all the flooring in that rented house be replaced with expensive white carpeting and that the kitchen in her RENTED home be demolished so walls could be expanded.
The military ignored her demands to stop noisy air traffic over her roof in the early morning, and good for them.
(I love her voice, but I’m not finishing her book. Prima Donnas don’t last more than three years on my kindle)
I liked seeing Sally Fields’ house as Mama Gump, and Matthew Broderick’s hospital in “Glory.”
There were stories about “The Great Santini” and “Forces of Nature” but the juiciest gossip comes from a Julia Roberts movie called “ Something to Talk About.”
She played the wife of serial cheater played by Dennis Quaid, and it was filmed in the courthouse we strolled by.
After shooting, Julia would sneak out the back and hide in the adjacent library to avoid reporters’ questions, mostly about why the hell she married Lyle Lovett.
Who can explain that weird attraction and this crazy little thing called love, asks me, as I’m about to drench myself in the most intoxicating perfume because Doug is performing Broadway songs tonight.
More later
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