I really love the quiet and privacy of this "Jade" section, especially the relatively smoke-free pool. That is, I was loving it until these two french women showed up. Their tiny french buns go into their tiny seats, the tops come off, the air is immediately befouled with cigarette smoke.They are a cliche, and they're making me love my beloved "Before" series a little less, because they're making me ask: "What if Julie Delpy is like this in real life? Or worse, ETHAN HAWKE?" We met a couple of kajillionaires who were staying here for one night, just as a stopover, en route to a fishing expedition to Belize. (Who uses Club Med at a one nighter? Like it's the effin' Motel Six?) I know they are kajillionaires because of the said fishing expedition, and the fact that they are neighbors with Martha Stewart in the Hamptons, as well as Ina Gartner, the Barefoot Contessa. The male Kajillionaire even plays tennis with Mr. Barefoot Contessa. They told me about what they did for a living and how they apparently became Lovey and Thurston Howell III..they actually invented a kitchen gadget that removes FAT from beef and poultry! Oh yes I did..I shouted "Oh no you DID-ent!" and leapt out of the pool and smacked them both silly. But sadly, I continued to speak with them despite their legacy. I wasn't going to NOT talk about kitchen gadgets, because that invention made them the kind of people who shop at grocery stores where they bump into Baldwins and Seinfelds regularly. So yeah, if they can prove to me the real Jerry Seinfeld is an asshole(which they didn't) I can forgive them for making hamburgers taste like wallpaper paste.My healthy eating was taking a bunch of fruit from the continental breakfast and shoving it into empty cereal boxes for my iguana friends. Let THEM be concerned about thigh gaps: let ME eat cake:) I actually enjoyed feeding Maximus and the other 9 iguanas all that good stuff, even 'though after I tossed the first chunk of watermelon, I looked like that little kid surrounded by reptiles in the opening scene of "Jurassic Park." They were so happy, those leaping' lizards, and they proved to me that "Abba Song" isn't the only breathing creature in Club Med Cancun who dares to sample the forbidden fruit. Tonight's theme is cappuccino..shall I wear the shirt I spilled iced coffee on yesterday? (That was for YOU, Andrea Miller Seitchik!) The theme is night swimming..THAT I like..
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