Jerking the chicken..: 10/28/2015

Relax peeps, I'm not wasting vacation time to type my hourly therapy session, it is raining.  Real rain.  I'm not buying this' liquid sunshine' crap. We actually had a great morning.  I met the dive instructor, Rachel from Australia, who assured me the jellyfish around here have no spines(and then I told her about some people from my  real life with the same issue) She may have said "tentacles" because no jellyfish have spines, but I'm on a roll, so inaccuracies are OK. Rachel said that there are no sharks and as long as I wasn't wearing a hot urine-trapping wet suit, it was OK to pee in the ocean.  It would not attract predators.  Jim went snorkeling and came back to join us(by us I mean three guys, 42 fat women, and me, who couldn't follow a damn thing) for water aerobics.  The instructor was very very hot but remember, I can't follow the simple instructions of the hokey-pokey, and after four days I still don't remember my room number.  So I pretend to follow hot Jamaican guy.  At least I could scream out "yeah Mon!" like everyone else.  He then, and I kid you not, and  if I could take pictures of anything other than the inside of my eyeballs, I'd have photographic proof, that Jamaican Hot Guy put his hands on his crotch and makes a jerking motion then while the reggae sound pulsated through the air, he squirted a fountain in the pool and joked, "it's not what you think, Mon" and the fat ladies are laughing and I'm thinking "It's EXACTLY what I'm thinking, Mon, and if I had a body like yours, I'd be making porn." Oh, and I know what you're thinking..there are plenty of porn sites that look for actresses with a body like mine, so thanks for visiting those sites.  Is it still raining??  Yes, yes it is,  so I'll share one more story. We went to the beach for a Jerk Chicken demonstration and Jim was recruited immediately to be a chef.  I think it's because someone liked his sick humor when the chef standing next to him was handed a pair of plastic gloves and Jim quips"  "Bend over.."..So he was Chef Number Two and he was told how to apply the spices and basically how to jerk.   And the main chef is yelling at him to "massage those breasts sir!" and I'm thinking "are you so blinded by the Jamaican sun that you can't tell we've not exactly  defied gravity?" I'm not saying I don't enjoy a good breast massage, I'm just saying they're not chicken cutlets, they just LOOK like chicken cutlets. The lights just went out.  I'm thinking it's not going to be a pool day