The butler did it..: 10/26/2015

My first full day(well, not exactly..the day just got up, just like me, but I can make some observations) This place is NOT swarming with french ala Club Med.  It is swarming with drunks, but they seem happy.  They seem happy because they probably haven't seen their rooms yet, and seen  that the toilets have clear glass walls!  And worse, SCALES!  Truthful scales!  What was the CEO of Iberostar thinking? ' Hey,  I know!   Let's put SCALES in the see-through loos.  That way, we can save a lot of money on buffet night toward the week's end.!" The food is good..or good enough at this point. The desserts are so tiny and bite sized--a good thing--but who possibly thought to create baking vessels this small?  They are miniature miniatures and some are the consistency of snot.  Our butler Stanley(not Livingston) booked meals at all the gourmet dine-in places for the remainder of the time we'll be here, so we'll see how that goes.  This place is ginormous.  Jim will be oriented in an hour, I'll figure out where everything is after I'm home for two or three days.  It's big..big and strange, like a weird dream you have, where the place looks familiar, like your childhood home or summer camp, but it's not them. There are endless corridors and everything feels like a hybrid of a chinese restaurant and a brothel. The marbled lobby is majestic,  I'm afraid of the porch swing on the balcony.  Jim said it's the best thing he's ever napped on, but I'm afraid I'll be tempted to take balcony shots, and you know how I feel about THOSE.  How are folks supposed to respond to balcony shots?  "That water is beautiful!"  or how about.."Wow..looks nice!"  It looks nice, but it's not exactly Windex upon closer inspection.  Maybe Top Job.  Top Job after someone wrung a mop in it.  It is warm, with nice waves, but it's not Cancun.  And there's seaweed, but not an overabundance of it.  Oh, and pine cones??  Am I seeing pine cones along with drunks from North Carolina in that water? We came back to an electrical problem and complete darkness last night that was remedied in like five minutes, and I'm thinking, "oh, what the bitches I've encountered on Trip Advisor all these years wouldn't do with THAT story!" The night butler could not provide a charger for this lap top(now at 92 percent, and dropping) but he did say to Jim:  "I can set up a romantic bath with rose petals and soft towels and candles and soft music for when you come back" and I'm thinking, "did he actually take up someone's offer of "some pot for you sir?" at the airport?  We're in our sixties for Godsakes! " We'd crawl into that six foot deep tub and never get out because we physically  COULDN'T. I'm not saying we haven't ever found romance in tubs, I'm just saying this is not the place because the toilets are surrounded by glass, and we're just not quite that intimate. Now SOME people will go back home and say:  "Hey Betty, me and Chuck got drunk and ate snot cakes and then took a bath in rose petals and then I could see Chuck taking a six minute dump after" but that's not me, because I don't know anyone named Betty.