I will never be able to get used to time change.
I've been up since 5:00, which means I'm going to poop out by 8:00.
Why can't my body listen to me? Why can't it adjust to time changes?
My body would respond to this rhetorical question by saying IT'S not the problem, I'M the problem. I don't listen to my BODY, not the other way around.
Which is why I get things like sciatica and cravings to eat a stick of butter in a single sitting.
Now I'm getting obsessed with all I have to do when I get home, even 'though the vacation has barely begun. I'm not pre-occupied with laundry, like I usually am, because there's a clothesline in the shower and I remembered to pack Woolite.
I am a little obsessed about all that TV I'm missing, but now I'm thinking I might just delete sitcoms from the DVR permanently.
They are no laughing matter anymore.
Ever since seeing the taping of "Broke" in LA two nights ago(wow..only two nights?) my eyes and ears have become so critical.
The memory is a pleasant one, don't get me wrong. I loved how star Pauley Perrette would kibbutz with we suckers in the studio audience, hang with us and share personal anecdotes(like how she was on location in Tennessee once, and had a family emergency in Alabama so the producers let her take some time off , but they gave her a STUNT car with balding tires and that made her Dad so mad they he called the producers and demanded a new car by the time she got to Alabama. Perky Pauley who'd hang with us until the fire-alarm thing would go off and she'd say, "later, kiddos..I gotta go act")
But I can't seem to stop thinking about the writing process, about demanding producers who are so terrified to lose a sponsor or two that they wind up polishing a turd.
I keep going back to Natasha Leggerio's "joke" which was questionable in the first place.
"You know..Tokyo?""
The question should have been answered right then and there. The other character should have replied, "yes, I know Tokyo--I am not a two year old or a septuagenarian with advanced dementia."
Or.."yes, I know Tokyo..I am not Caitlin Upton."
(For those of you too lazy to google such an obtuse reference, Caitlin was that 2007 Miss South Carolina who, when asked, "why do you think many of today's youth cannot locate major countries on a map?" had a rambling response about "some children don't have maps, and they can't identify things such as The Iraq and South Africa and such as things like that."
Caitlin would have needed an explanation of "Tokyo", not the folks who tune in to see Episode Four, Season One, of "Broke"
I tried to challenge myself..I asked myself, how would I have written that line?
The short answer is, "I would not have"..this show has no chance of even getting a flattened green tomato.
If I were that guest actress, I would have said to Natasha Leggerio's character, "Don't bullshit me with lines like "Tokyo..you remember Tokyo, land of noodly soups and weird game shows?"
I would have written it as: "Don't talk about your "vacation" in Tokyo because I've seen your pictures and it's obvious that Godzilla was photoshopped."
Okay, I agree..that's just as contrived as noodly soup..
The point is that script shouldn't have been written in the first place. I LOVED the whole experience of being part of a live studio audience, despite my complaints, but that experience ruined sitcoms for me forever.
On another topic...
I'm trying to get to know the 37 people I'll be spending the next 10-plus days with, but I can't keep anything straight. Jim can..he remembers every face but he claims he can't remember their names. (Umm...everyone is wearing a name tag)
Usually, when we travel, we just talk about their doppelgängers, or we'll refer to them as "the lunatic from Chicago" or "the lovable goofball from LA."
(who turned out to be the daughter of a major movie star on our European cruise of 2017)
Yesterday was our first full day with these folks, and we referenced them with things like "the lady who bought the book on WWII" or "the woman who bought a stuffed duck for her grandson."
Oh, and I forgot to mention yesterday that a duck would not leave our side when we visited Pearl Harbor. I have no explanation for the duck, nor for my mortifying attempt to break the ice when "Donny O" asked us our names and our locations, and I reply: "We're Melania and Donald.."
WTF compelled me to say that??
Not one person laughed...
Jim had a look that said, "i can't believe it's been thirty years.."
I think by now my fellow Collette Tours travelers are describing me as the weirdo with the Opiod problem who walks funny.
Or maybe they're curious about the ever-present Woodloch bag??
Back on the topic of souvenir shopping, we had that couple who bought a history book, another who bought a children's plush toy, and another who bought a Tesla.
It's true..after flying all day and night, this couple checked into the hotel and walked to a Tesla dealership and bought a brand new car because it was cheaper than buying it on the mainland.
I think they were one of the two couples from Oregon. But I don't think the couple that bought the Tesla and the ones that said "we don't like Portland--it's full of liberals"--are the same. I'll pay closer attention to name tags today.
I hope we get Kimo again..he was such a wonderful bus driver. He was so patient with all the dumb questions he was asked about Oahu and Honolulu, especially by me.
He pointed out the biggest hospital on the island, and I ask, "is that where Barack Obama was born?"
And if you're going to say anything like, "oh Karen, you didn't mention that your excursion included a side trip to Kenya" then I'm going to respond by telling you to get off of my damn blog.
Okay..enough rambling gibberish for now.
I will try to write something blog-worthy later on.
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