I am a very shallow, fake person, I've come to that conclusion.
Show me the Seven Wonders of ancient Rome and I'm "meh..it's too hot here"..but show me a FACADE of a fake Hollywood set, and I turn it into a religious experience. "Entertainment Weekly" is my Bible, I make no apologies for that.
It was a short ride to Warner Brothers studio, where the sets are as plastic as the actors who play on them, but I didn't care. Show me a thin, fake building or bricks made out of paint and I will believe everything you show me is real. I now understand the mentality of Fox news watchers.
The tram is weaving its way around the lot and I'm seeing things that make me happy, like the coffee shop where Mia worked in "La La Land" and Dr. Doug Ross's apartment in ER. Vincent Price's House of Wax Museum didn't do much for me, and I didn't lose my mind over the fake Central Park, and then we were shown the fake bus station from "Young Sheldon", the second-best comedy on CBS, and I'm sort of half listening until we're told that the bus station used to be Luke's Diner and all of a sudden..
..all of a sudden...
I am IN Stars Hollow Connecticut, and if anyone dares to try and convince me that this is a fictional town and merely something from the imagination of Amy Sherman Palladino, I will tell you that you are not only too young to read this blog, you are way too harsh. Please stop reading now, you heartless bastard.
Because I stood there..right there..in the gazebo! I stood in front of Lorelai's house..which is the back of Sooki's house..and I didn't care for one minute that it wasn't real, because in my mind, it WAS, and I was a fast-talking, pop-culture referencing hotel owner with a quick wit and an amazing kid and a cast iron stomach.
No characters will ever soothe my soul like those Gilmore Girls did.
I liked some of the historical references, I did, like when James Dean wore jeans in "Rebel Without a Cause" it became perfectly acceptable for the general public to wear them as well.
I listened, but in my mind..I was sipping an endless cup of coffee with Rory at Al's Pancake World.
We drove by the set for "Bob Hearts Abishola" which is probably rated as high on Rotten Tomatoes as "Broke" is going to be. (Although Jim says never to underestimate the drawing power of Pauly Perrette and he's right)
Our guide Kyle, who recommended that we have lunch at a place called "Lemonade" that had outstanding lemonades(inside joke: I ordered mine and said, "hold the Diet Coke!") and he was giving us a very thorough tour as well.
He got us special entry into a set where there was no active shooting going on and OMG..I realize how terrible that sounds..!!the set of "Mom", the best sitcom on CBS, in case you are wondering what I put ahead of "Young Sheldon."
I was apparently the only one in our tram that watches it, so Kyle let me take the helm and describe the beauty of "Mom" in only a way a non-imbiber can.
We walk into the studio audience seating area..and it looked exactly like the one from Pauly Perrette's show!
I didn't recognize a single thing from "Mom"..the kitchen was disassembled, the living room as not recognizable. The sets were phony and it was making me sad..
The smart part of me realizes there's a reason sets are dismantled, but the part of me that needs to believe there's a sponser like Marjorie in the real word makes me need to believe in the real world, even 'though I never went to AA and will never need to.
Kyle told us that a taping of a sitcom could take up to six hours(NOW you tell us, Kyle!) and after all that, it has to go to editing to please the sponsors. You can't have a character say they got sick from pizza if a paid advertiser is Pizza Hut, even 'though that would be a very accurate statement.
He told us that he wasn't allowed to name names(and I named it for him) but once, a show took TWELVE HOURS to film because the co-star was green and couldn't get her rhythm. The show turned out to be "Two Broke Girls" and the co-star turned out to be Beth Behrs and I don't care if they filmed for twelve minutes or twelve hours, it's a garbage show..which I referenced in yesterday's blog, having no idea it would be talked about today, along with "Gilmore Girls." which is garbage's opposite.
Our free-touring was fun once Kyle dropped us off..we knocked on Penny's door by the broken elevator and sat in Sheldon's sofa seat: we posed for pics with Chinese take-out and raised our coffee mugs in Central Perk.
We created our own costumes(I did a killer one for Daisy Buchanan) and Jim made a Batman video.
And we took an Uber and drove by a real "Cloud Nine" store until Jim convinced me there is no such place and we both saw a sign for "Superstore" which is probably the best written comedy on network television right now. And there's no way they're going to break down that set every day..it would be like knocking down a Wal-Mart every night.
It was a great morning and the afternoon was jam packed as well. We took an Uber to the drop off point for Hop On/Hop Off and I said to Jim as we were walking, let's guess..is the first star we see on the Hollywood Walk of Fame a star of a living or dead celeb?
I guessed right--it was Allen Ludden..but right next to it was Betty White, the same photo op I took in 1987 when I went with James Donio to LA.!
I can't believe I was that young and that cute.
I can't believe Betty White outlived all the other Golden Girls.
We saw many sites..like Tar Pits and the Hollywood sign, but mostly we saw burger joints and nail salons.
AT least we were in America this time, so the Hop On/Hop Off guide could be understood, but the bus itself was loaded with chatty tourists who didn't care about Universal Studios or the Hotel where John Belushi died or the Viper Room where River Phoenix drew his last breath.
Nope, they just wanted to loudly chat among themselves and the only thing that brought them to life and had them stand and gather for a group selfie was when we drove by a McDonalds.
I guess it could have been worse..they could have gotten this kind of enthusiasm for In and Out Burgers.
Off to see the documentary!
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